Well, I said in my last post that my life js odd. My life is so odd because sometimes I think I am the only person in the planet that believes anger is a good thing. Well, maybe Johnny Rotten is right, anger an energy. I believe it is an energy and a good one. Don’t know about him, I recently got his book so we shall see. But I do believe is an energy and I believe is great if channelled properly.
I mean, I was here in my bean bag thinking: “man, writting a book and launching an album was so healing “. That’s when I realized I used all my anger into something beautiful. Because my book above all is a true love story. It’s raw, but it is. And my album, what can I say? Is what I truly wish is to you go follow your dreams. Just remember, it will be rock and roll.
Anyways, looking at my book and remembering the talk I had in my last podcast with Renata and Mateo. I realized, a lot was left out. I mean details of the battles of the ironmans. Those were golden years. Honestly, the internal battle of wanting to understand why I hated myself were intense. Good thing I like onions because it feel like onions, trauma have layers and layers and crying and crying until you get to the root.
I guess, I internalized my anger to not cry and I got numb, so numb that I couldn’t even feel myself. Well, like my first sponsor (my brother) said in the preface of my book, I choose brutally. I chose pain. That was my way out. I looked in the mirror and said ok, “don’t wanna say it, fine. We will fight like lions in a cage”. It felt like fight club 😁. Well, that’s how I found the root of the cause. It was too long to put in a song so I put in a book, however the first book because I think the details of the battles will be cool to be written.
Anyways, the best thing is that now I know how to feel up the cup in the soul level. You know that quote, right? You can’t pour from an empty cup. Now is like I am living lighter. Floating, instead of caring the world in my back. Sure is how it feels. I can see the difference in my entire life, I mean every body can. Well, spiritual trauma is that. It affects everything because the shit is deep. And the healing came from anger and picking a fight with the mirror. After all I didn’t look good naked.
Odd right? Maybe, I don’t know. Maybe there are way more people like me out there. Who knows. But I think is quite ironic the fact I am a reiki master and fan of anger. Anger is an energy and is a great one to initiate change. Helped me achieve dreams and overcome fears, and to find myself again. Feel whole and reconnect with my true self. There is no better feeling than feeling connected, and that feeling affects your surroundings.
Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup, and yes, today I do look good naked. Sure I look like Chewbacca but a feel like a twinkle twinkle little star. (I hope you are laughing as much as I am). I must say, save my soul with rock and roll and come back with a Philosophy based on anger it’s guite genius or insane. Who knows? Just, don’t mind the bollocks, but isn’t ironic?
Versão brasileira Herbert Richers (Portuguese)