Day 14 of 40 – The end of the world as he know it

Rirou woke up that day March 26th feeling ready for a change. Some studies claims that takes 21 days to make a change, and Rirou was in his 21st day of quarantine, but officially 14 days since it was declared state of emergency in USA.

Rirou knew it better that he couldn’t let the trigger pull him down, after all that was the same bomb triggering again, yes less intense, but it was the same one. Since Rirou’s quarantine started due to the COVID-19 he decided to use this time as a metaphor and make this his “walk to the desert”. Rirou loves metaphors, and this one seemed perfect. The corona virus was hitting the core of our issues (society, at least it seems like it) making the world slow down and go within. Rirou did that and got into his own matrix.

Rirou knew that he deals with depression, and that procrastination is a symptom, but why? Fear was one of them, but he was already losing that, but Rirou was getting close finding out why. When Rirou got into School of Rock he not only wanted to play the guitar, but he wanted to learn how to sing as well. Singing is another metaphor for Rirou, it was like learning how to find his voice, literally cause Rirou singing sucks, it’s true and he knows. He doesn’t care, that is healing for him and healing is messy. So, to be fair he is in pre school of Rock, and he first singing class was in December 2019 so maybe one day it will get better. Just a matter of time or not, who knows.

Rirou went to organize and fix shit around the house, and he finally finishing painted his cave. This was not the normal set back, that was the end of the world as Rirou knew it. That was a huge progress for Rirou and Rirou this time did not stop working on his “evil” plot, instead he found his old writings with the missing part of the plot.

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 13 of 40 – That time of the month again

Rirou woke up that Wednesday March 25th a little off. He woke a little bit behind and started to rush to catch up getting Luke ready for the day. But also, Rirou was still tired, not physically but mentally. Depression sometimes feels like is 2 steps forward one step back, and working on it makes you tired.

Sometimes it takes one small thing to trigger the bomb in Rirou’s head. The biggest issue is when self doubt hits and that feels like everything just freeze and thinking clear becomes nearly impossible. When that happens and you add fatigue to it’s like a bomb just exploded. Hopefully is a different bomb, with a different lesson so you can keep moving forward. Sometimes, is the same bomb and that is a different feeling, because is a feeling that you are stuck.

Rirou like to call those bombs as releasing the demons inside of his head, and the only way to move forward is facing them, otherwise they get too big they will take you down, and that is a place you never want to go back. It’s like racing an ironman; you have to face the pain in order to finish the race otherwise you end up quitting, and that is not a good feeling at all, and that is a place you don’t want to go back either. Quitting never feels good. So, this time was the same bomb again. Yes it sucks, but this bomb that has been exploding for awhile in Rirou’s head. It’s an enormous bomb the biggest he have ever seen. This is the bomb that holds the matrix together, but on the bright side, that bomb is getting much smaller and a lot less intense.

On top of that, it was that time of the month again. Rirou was 1 week from another therapy session, so he was with PTW (Pre therapy week, male version of PMS). Although, this time the feeling was different, very different…

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 12 of 40 – What if I told you is not a midlife crisis.

Rirou woke up that Tuesday March 24th, and he started the day with Yoga and coffee. This is favorite way to wake up, however is not always possible cause Rirou goes to sleep late. Rirou is just like a night owl and he feels empowered under the moon, but it was not always like. A few years back Rirou was a professional triathlete that woke up daily at 5 am, and now, well now it’s a completely different story. Yes, Rirou turns 40 this year but this is not a midlife crisis.

Yesterday was a big break through for Rirou, not only because he did not have a case of the Mondays after all this years, but because something clicked. Rirou was finally at the core of the issue.

Rirou have been wanting to talk about mental health for awhile, since he has been a health coach and an athlete for a long time and he have seen how little we talk about mental/spiritual health. We are all obsess with perfect body and how we look outside, but we almost don’t talk about how we look inside. Yeah, our feelings. Rirou was a good example, and he was punk enough to believe he could talk about it, actually write about it.

The interesting part is that writing for Rirou has always been his weakness. Just to have an idea Rirou always end up in summer class when it came to writing. English was a bit easier, but still. However, writing was the only way Rirou could speak from the heart and that was another life irony. Rirou did the same thing when he decided to became a professional triathlete. He was 24 years old 260 pounds and smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day.

The important thing is that now it was different, Rirou was making real changes at the core of the issue, and that was not a midlife crisis. That was real healing, or like Rirou like to call a rebirth, and this quarantine was helping Riou work deeper inside out. After all being a punk is about attitude, and that was one thing Rirou was good at it, facing his demons.

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 11 of 40 – Divine Intervention

Rirou woke up that Monday March 23rd feeling good, since Mondays are hard because it feels that the energy of the planet is heavy. He didn’t know why, maybe because 75%, or more, of the whole world hates Monday’s, or maybe was in his mind. Either was this time was different, Rirou felt good on a Monday.

The Monday went on as usual. Luke was restarting his therapies via tele-health, online school was going to start, and the new normal started to take place on a much slower pace, at least for now. However, Rirou was very surprised with the lack of a case of the Monday’s, maybe it was the lack of pajamas, or maybe he was really he was just Rising. The important thing is that he felt good.

Later on in the day, Rirou got the guitar and started jamming next to Luke and out of a sudden, like a divine intervention, a melody clicked and Luke open a big smile. When that happened felt like the time has stopped on a another big ass deja-vu. This was something Rirou was thinking about it for ages and now it seems like it was taking form.

Crazy how everything was starting to make sense for Rirou on a Monday. Rirou didn’t know if it was funny or ironic, however it really felt like a divine intervention telling him that he was in the right direction and that he should keep exploring that and fulfilling his destiny… To be continued.

Feel Good,

Rirou

Today is Monday and Mondays we have the Case of the Mondays Episode. Today interview is with Keeana Martinez singer at Immigrants Child. Check it out here.

Day 10 of 40 – peaceful day

Rirou woke up that Sunday without pajamas went to the kitchen, and grab a cup of coffee as usual, however his was completely naked. He sat down in the sofa and started to have a conversation with his wife. But first, she looked at him and said “WTF is this”. Rirou replied, ” Didn’t you get the memo? I ditch the pajamas, and it’s called midlife crisis”.

Rirou started to explain, that was a metaphor. He was finally looking good naked but he was afraid of continue his project. As you may know, “fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering”. Rirou was no longer angry, but he still had fear. He was afraid of using his voice, that voice from the dream that nobody was listening. He needed to be “naked and not afraid”.

Around 3 o’clock that afternoon, he received a text message asking if he was going to the School of Rock online band meeting (The midlife crisis). Rirou had miss the email, due to the huge amount of emails. Because of the quarantine we now receive thousands of emails with sales online. Rirou jumped in the meeting within 2 seconds, after all his studio was finally organized and ready to rock. At the meeting they set up a project to work on until they can go back to playing together.

Rirou left the meeting with a big ass smile, and just for the record he had clothes on during the meeting. It’s incredible what music can do to Rirou and Luke, after all Luke loves to hear his Dad jamming in the garage. Rirou came out of the meeting with his guitar and started jamming next to Luke. Luke always ask Rirou to make the songs faster, so Rirou started to have ideas for his music project, meaning his “evil plot”…

Rirou’s favorite punk song as a kid, around 7ish years old…

Feel Good,

Rirou

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