Chapter 18: Holy smoke

Life is not about waiting the storm to pass, neither learning how to dance in the rain. Life is about realizing you are the storm. Once you realize you are the storm you will be able to connect the dots in your life. As I explain in this blog before I had a lot of traumas that led me to depression. Trauma is real, and not our fault but I believe is our duty to heal.

The truth is I have always been sensitive, and as a child I was severely sensitive. I mean I felt the whole thing, I can feel people and places energy; I have an insane amount of deja-vus; I have dreams that came into reality and an intuition that goes beyond what I can explain. I also have always been attracted to esoteric stuff since an early age. At a very young age I was thought quickly that boys didn’t cry and that the music that made me feel good, was evil. Well, you blend this together and I became a very fearful kid. I was afraid of my own existence at that point.

I try to talk about it. I really did, many times. The first time, I tried to talk to a priest, but I was judge from the get go and accused of using drugs. As a sensitive person you know when they are lying, plus on that time I was totally against marijuana, I saw as a drug, now I see as medicine. After a few years of trying to talk I end up shutting myself up even more and that became hell. I really don’t know how hell can be any worst than feeling and not being able to speak or even be heard. Not be able to cry, not be able to express. That’s true hell.

In 2004 I finally said fuck it, I wanted to be health and happy. Therefore, like a punk I decided to to find the answers for myself and I started my healing process. I started with therapy, but I knew it that life was more than what we think it is. In 2005 I thought about going to a monastery and become a monk. I was rediculzed about this thought the same way I was when I said I was going to be a pro athlete as a kid. Every one said, I couldn’t be a holy man, I was to wild, and the music I heard was not holy. Even though they never really asked me what I felt and why I wanted that. After I finished my first ironman, I thought, “this is better then a monastery”. The physical pain helped with my emotional pain, and the training was like a moving meditation. Months later after my first ironman, I found true love. I found the woman that was going to be the mother of my children. Long story but I just knew it she was the one.

Back in 2012 I decided to add more things to my healing. Things like Reiki, past life regression, esoteric books, body talk and I restarted listening to music during my workouts. Specially metal and punk rock. That was the beginning of my escape from hell. After Luke was born he woke up my soul and I realized that health is about mind, body and soul. And I kept the soul out of the equation for a long time. So I had to go deep in my soul to look for answers. Months later in 2016 I became a Reiki master and honestly the last 4 years I was determined to connect the dots. A few weeks after I finished my interviews with the ghostwriter and I held Amber in my arms I connected and started losing the fear. After all, I always heard you will understand when you are a father. Well I am a father now, actually father of 2.

Apparently, there is a thing called clairaudience which is a type of medium ship. One of the characteristics of that is: You get signs from songs and things people say. Is like, you hear a song or listen to something and you can connect the dots in your life. Is freaky to be honest, but is no joke, it is real! Same thing of being an empath, that you feel energy, that shit is real too. Anyways, apparently this shit is really strong in me. Like, fucked up strong, and the biggest irony of all is that the so called “devil” music guided me out of hell, a hell that religion put me on it for listening to heavy metal! Ha, isn’t that fantastic?

That is why I want to learn all the songs the guided me all this time because it heals my soul. Trauma is real and weed does helps with going beyond the trauma. Something called detachment in psychiatry. Either way, weed helps in going beyond the trauma, like I can detach from the trauma and coffee gives me the energy to make it happen. These are a powerful combination. Now, what it all means I don’t know. Where it all going to go I don’t know. All I know is my Reiki is crazy good, it feels good to learn those songs, and to talk about spirituality in a form of philosophy. It’s a huge relief. Also, I have that feeling inside that says I must tell this story.

The truth is my entire existence was based on “faith” in the life force because I didn’t know how I was going to do. I didn’t want to go to college, I didn’t want to have a concrete plan, and all I wanted was to do what I felt like it. All I had was a feeling, a feeling telling me the way, I trusted and it worked. That is why I say I am an asshole, because I simply said fuck all this I am going to do what I want; what I feel like is the best for me. So, if rock and roll is the devil’s music and rock and roll guided me here, is only fair to tell the Pope Rirou is back and he is making holy smoke. Funny because it feels like this is build up from past lives, and I must end this cycle in this life time now by telling MY truth. Something I only connected the dots after becoming a Dad, after all kids are our biggest teachers bringing us the biggest spiritual gifts.

Life is ironic, the problem is you and at the same time you are the solution. We are all in hell, we are all disconnected. Look at it, we are all depressed, is a depressive world, we treat each other and the environment like shit. But hey, hell aint a bad place, your friends are there too. You are not alone! So, go find your joy, go find love. But remember the world is a mirror and to find love you must first love yourself. Doing it so you will be an asshole to a lot of people, but you will stop being an asshole with yourself. Then guarantee love will start knocing at your door cause the truth is life is about being your own hero. Kill your pride and attitude, it’s not about money is about your soul. You can loose everything but never your soul.

During this life time I heard that my sensitivity was feminine (aka boys don’tcry), so maybe the mediumship I have, is an old witch and now I fixed the portion (coffee and weed). I do want to share my side of the story and I do want to help people, because my point is there is more to it, there is more to life that we can even imagine, or even fit in a box (chruch) and there is a lot more to it behing a sensitive man/boy. I can tell you one thing, the meaning of life is following your dreams, your deepest dreams. That inner child dreams. I did it once when I followed my dream of being a professional athlete, and I now I am making 2 other dreams come true: the guitar and picking a fight with the pope. After all he did prohibited iron maiden to play in Chile in 1992 for no reason, taking the joy of millions of people; and that was the beginning of my trauma.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Ps: Trauma is often reflected in the body and back in 2014 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which is located in the throat chakra. The throat chakra is totally related to comunication, and mine is off balance, the reason why “is fear of speaking”. That is why, this whole project is healing and motivating other to heal themselves as well.

Believe in me and send no money
I died on the cross, that ain’t funny
But my so called friends they’re making me a joke
They missed out what I said like I never spoke They choose what they wanna hear, don’t tell a lie
They just leave out the truth as they’re watching you die
They’re saving the souls by taking your money
Flies around shit, bees around honey Holy smoke, holy smoke
Plenty bad preachers for the devil to stoke
Feed ’em in feet first this is no joke
This is thirsty work making holy smoke
Making holy smoke Jimmy Reptile and all his friends
Say they gonna be with you at the end
Burning records, burning books
Holy soldiers, Nazi looks Crocodile smiles, just wait awhile
Till the TV Queen gets her make up clean
I’ve lived in filth, I’ve lived in sin
And I still smell cleaner than the shit you’re in Holy smoke, holy smoke
There’s plenty bad preachers for the devil to stoke
Feed ’em in feet first, this is no joke This is thirsty work making holy smoke
Holy smoke
Smells good They ain’t religious but they ain’t no fools
When Noah built his Cadillac it was cool
Two by two they’re still going down
And the satellite circus just left town I think they’re strange and when they’re dead
They can have a Lincoln for their bed
Friend of the president, trick of the tail
Now they ain’t got a prayer, one hundred years in jail Holy smoke, holy smoke
Plenty bad preachers for the devil to stoke
Feed ’em in feet first this is no joke
This is thirsty work making holy smoke
Holy smoke.

Chapter 17: Satan’s work is done

As I am writing my book with Marcone, my ghostwriter, he asked me if I had any plans for Halloween in 2020, since Halloween is a big deal in the house. For example, Luke was convinced on Halloween, and one year we made Luke’s chair an x-wing and last year we were a punk rock band where Luke was the drummer. Anyways, because 2020 is 2020, we didn’t go to any parties. I posted on my social media that this year I dressed up as an asshole as I usually do, meaning I was myself for Halloween. However, I didn’t lay low and I did a little something to celebrate. However, because is 2020 I decided to wait until Friday the 13th to announce what I did on Halloween.

First I must say that in the first chapter of my book I declare war to Religion, more precisely against the Catholic church which is the based of this shit. Well, is a philosophical war because the philosophical idea of Religion comes from Religare in latin, which means reconnect god and man. However, what religion does is disconnect us from ourselves by using fear. In my case Religion made me fear the only thing that made me human, my feelings! Which feelings are my spiritually, meaning my connection with own soul. Took me years to unlearn to not fear that, to be precise 33 years. The trauma is so deep that some days to write (I do all my notes handwritten) is physically painful. Even getting the guitar some days is hard, yes hello procrastination! During my 40 day walk through of the covid-420 I connected the dots in my life, and I planned my revenge. However, I was still fearful and in doubt if I should or shouldn’t do it, but when I held Amber, my second child, that was born 4 days before Halloween 2020 the fear melted away. At that moment I knew I had to proceed with the plan. I was being blessed again and the universe was telling me that I was ready!

Therefore on October 31st of 2020 I founded a Religion, Rock-it-ology Inc, which is based on my story, The Punkaste Prophecy. But wait, don’t I claim religion is child abuse? Well, remember I am a walking contradiction and yes, Religion is child abuse no doubt. However my Religion is not the same old story because is Punk and this Religion is hardwired to self-destruct. Like in a suicidal mission, to destruct Religion itself by exploding from the inside. You see, most Religions, teach us to find answers outside ourselves, when the answers are within; is just hard as fuck to go within. It’s actually painful, but at the same time the most liberating thing you can do. Ironic, right? Its like crossing a finish line of an ironman, you are in so much pain but extremely satisfied to have finished the hardest endurance race in the planet. Perhaps, life is the ironman of the universe, and boy about ironman, pain (physical and mental) and suicidal thoughts I have a PhD!

The reality is we are all disconnected but not from God, we are disconnected from ourselves and nature. So, yeah we do need to reconnect but not with god, but with ourselves. Which in the end it means the same thing. Ha! Don’t you love irony? Anyways, all this years all I wanted was to be heard before being judged as a Pothead, Punk, or Evil. The thing is Religion push me too far, and I got mad that I wasted years of pure joy. I am not here to teach you shit, I am not your savior, I am not your guru and I am definitely not Tony Robbins. I am an asshole but an asshole that faced his own trauma to regain my soul and connect my dots in life. My only goal is to be heard, and hopefully my story will motivate you to go within, facing your trauma and reclaiming your joy.

As a triathlon coach I always lead by example, and here is the same. That is why I decided to share how I am facing my trauma and finally learning all the iron maiden songs in the guitar. It’s painful sometimes, and I still cry like a baby. Yeah, I lost count how many times I cry listen to heavy metal. However, when I do that it cleanses my soul bringing me into a realm of joy! For me is not about the money, is about my soul, that is why I the only thing I am going to sell is the book because I am paying for it the ghostwriter help me write. I needed someone to help me because sometimes is too painful. Everything else is free because I really want to motivate others to escape hell and reconnect with themselves. The truth is, if we reconnect with ourselves Religion will be gone. We just need to reconnect with ourselves. Rock-it-ology Inc is non profit organization and the profits will be directed to mental health programs, nemaline myopathy research and advocating for real food, since diet is a big topic in my book.

So, Dear Pope, Satan’s work is done and I will leave the mark of the beast so considered this a check mate, better yet: Punkaste! Satan loves you. I am not Satan, but I became his best friend, and now I am raising hell!

Rirou

“Woe to you, oh Earth and sea, for the Devil sends the Beast with wrath
Because he knows the time is short
Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the Beast
For it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty six”I left alone my mind was blank
I needed time to think to get the memories from my mindWhat did I see can I believe that what I saw
That night was real and not just fantasyJust what I saw
In my old dreams were they reflections of my warped mind staring back at me’Cause in my dreams
It’s always there
The evil face that twists my mind and brings me to despair
YeahThe night was black was no use holding back
‘Cause I just had to see was someone watching me
In the mist dark figures move and twist
Was all this for real or some kind of hell
Six six six the number of the Beast
Hell and fire was spawned to be releasedTorches blazed and sacred chants were praised
As they start to cry hands held to the sky
In the night the fires burning bright
The ritual has begun Satan’s work is done
Six six six the number of the beast
Sacrifice is going on tonightThis can’t go on I must inform the law
Can this still be real or some crazy dream
But I feel drawn towards the chanting hordes
They seem to mesmerize me can’t avoid their eyes?
Six six six the number of the Beast
Six six six the one for you and meI’m coming back I will return
And I’ll possess your body and I’ll make you burn
I have the fire I have the force
I have the power to make my evil take it’s course

But why?

Well, everybody that read this blog by now probably know why Rirou is doing all this, but here it is some action. By the way this video is Rirou’s second cover song.

This is a song by the Ramones, called “I don’t wanna grow up”. The song answer on of the reasons why, but you already knew that, so now it time for action!

1, 2, 3, 4….

“Damn it feels good to be a Punk!”

Rirou the Punk

Punkaste,

Rirou

That’s what’s all about

The big question is why? What is the purpose of Rirou doing all of this. Well, this sounds a little crazy. Since a little kid Rirou became fascinated with Iron Maiden, they were like gods to him and their music touch his soul like no other music. Well maybe ACDC since that was his first album. Around 7 years old he wanted to play the guitar and let his hair grow like the Maiden guys. That never really happened and Rirou did not say a word about it for years. On top of all that, the art Rirou wanted to do was considered evil. Well, due to that Rirou became an angry man. Rirou did not dream about being famous, he just wanted to rock, is that simple!

As a kid Rirou has always been fascinated with Star Wars and he said his first kid would be called Luke. As a young kid he wanted to have 2 kids a boy and a girl. The boy he wanted to call Luke, because of Luke Skywalker his favorite character growing up. That was something his friends reminded him not long ago.

Luke was born a natural Rock star and fan of ACDC. Rirou knew it that history could not repeat itself, not with his kids. So Rirou and his family didn’t think twice they ran to the hills, they ran for their lives and moved to Colorado. Rirou always trusted the metal gods…

Since Luke became a really big fan of ACDC, and Rirou’s wife said: “Boy you can turn any kid into a Rock fan”, which is true, he had turned many kids into rock fans during his life time. Just a side note Rirou does not talk about his wife cause she likes to be behind the scenes. If you are married, you know what he is talking about, she is the boss. Anyways, that was a sign for Rirou so he created a master plan after all dream without a plan is just a wish.

The master plan

Rirou’s master plan is simple; transform classical kids songs into punk song for kids and create some of his own, while learning his favorite songs in the guitar. This way he could change the world by creating punk rock songs for kids, and building an army of little punks. When those kids grow up, they can read Rirou’s holy E-books of the Religion he created and became his own Pope. That is Rirou’s master plan to leave his mark, the mark of the beast. Again, the gods iron maiden were guiding Rirou the number of the beast song, Rirou’s favorite of all times. In that song he said, “I will be back…and make my evil take its course and here we are!

What makes this plan so hilarious is that it fits right into a description of a midlife crisis, and it seems pure evil for some people or even completely insane. But it’s not like that, the project is pure unconditional love, and is not a midlife crisis. Is simply healing.

Rirou always told his clients that they need a purpose to whatever they want to hit a goal. We always need a reason why we do things, and seems like this is a higher purpose for Rirou. What makes this project hilarious and ironic is:

  1. A 40 year old learning how to sing and play the guitar it is funny, because it is fun to be a beginner in something, specially at this age. Also, doing that is like being a kid again, and you must agree that a 40 year old man having fun like a kid is beyond hilarious.
  2. Rirou uses the enemy (Religion) as a metaphor to create his project to punk the world.
  3. Rirou is a pope of his own Religion, and Rirou’s archenemy is the Pope that prohibited Iron Maiden to play in Chile in 1992.
  4. For many metal, punk and death metal is considered evil is what makes Rirou a better Dad, husband and human.
  5. Rirou transformed his anger into something beautiful, even if you don’t like the music, the idea is based in pure love; and that is beautiful.
  6. Rirou does have a comedy show but for now is in Portuguese. In the show Rirou goes to therapy, and since therapy is made in the first language, for now is in Portuguese. English maybe soon (long story).

Rirou had this plan for awhile now, and on 02/20/2020 he sang live for the first time ever and that was the day he said “fuck depression, let’s rock” and Rock-it-ology establish. Rirou was having a hard time implementing the plan, so this 40 introspective days through the COVID-420 made Rirou lose his fear and became the Punk Rocker Dad. What makes it so hilarious is that he just have to be himself!

The conclusion is: Looking good naked and not afraid, that is what’s all about! Maybe life is all about the hokey pokey, you know… “you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what is all about.

Genius or insane? I let you decide as this project takes off, because Rirou found himself, he just still didn’t figure it out if he is a genius or insane in the brain.

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 38 of 40 – Orgasmatron

Sunday April 18th, and Sunday is church day so Rirou is posting his first cover. Song orgasmatron from Motorhead, perfect song for a Sunday. This song was the song Rirou learned by himself before Luke was born. When he got the guitar he was so stoked to start playing that I made a goal of learning his first song before Luke was born. Now, when I started this COVID-420 Rirou’s goal was make my first cover by the end of the 40 days. Here is the video and below the lyrics! Song is not perfect, few mistakes but that is the best recording. One day he will remastered.

Oh!I am the one, Orgasmatron
The outstretched grasping hand
My image is of agony
My servants rape the land
Obsequious and arrogant
Clandestine and vain
Two thousands years of misery
Of torture in my name
Hypocrisy made paramount
Paranoia the law
My name is called religion
Sadistic, sacred whore

I twist the truth, I rule the world
My crown is called deceit
I am the emperor of lies
You grovel at my feet
I rob you and I slaughter you
Your downfall is my gain
And still you play the sycophant
And revel in your pain
And all my promises are lies
All my love is hate
I am the politician
And I decide your fate

I march before a martyred world
An army for the fight
I speak of great heroic days
Of victory and might
I hold a banner drenched in blood
I urge you to be brave
I lead you to your destiny
I lead you to your grave
Your bones will build my palaces
Your eyes will stud my crown
For I am Mars, the God of War
And I will cut you down

Feel Good,

Rirou

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