Day 34 of 40 – The thin line between love and hate

Wednesday April 15th, Rirou woke up that day thinking what he was going to talk in therapy. Rirou had gone to therapy last week and he thought he didn’t have much to talk about it, so the day went by as usual.

About one year ago Rirou arrived home from therapy and for the first time he was in a good mood after a therapy session. He arrived with his air guitar with the best “Angus Young” moves he knows. That is Rirou’s trademark at home, the “Angus Young” air guitar. Of course everyone looked confused, so he looked to the family and “I found my calling I joined a band”. They look even more confused because he did not know how to play the guitar neither how to sing. Maybe it is a midlife crisis after all. But Rirou completed, don’t worry is a school of Rock program, I gonna learn how to play and sing for fun and that was an instant relief.

Let’s be honest, what are the chances of becoming a rock star at 40? Not impossible, but it is very small. Plus, that was not the goal. In fact, it was not about making money or being famous. It was all about his soul, and that is how he started therapy that day.

Rirou told his therapist what he was doing and what he wanted to do, and he said “it’s not about the money”; she replied, “is about what then?” Rirou simply said is about how I feel. When she asked, and how you feel? Rirou answered so fast and automatically like it was not even him talking. It is crazy how the subconscious mind works. Rirou simple replied: “Like an asshole”. Right at that moment, Rirou’s matrix collapsed.

Rirou love art but the problem is that the art that he loves dearly is considered offensive for many, and in his subconscious mind he truly believed that he was an asshole and a sinner. After all, that is what he was thought his entire life.

Rirou look to his therapist, and simply said: “This is fucked up. I am fucked” and both laugh. “It is all in his mind” he said “I need to do something if I want my kids to feel worth it.” Rirou stayed quite for a few minutes crying, and he said “My Dad said I could be anything that I want, so I will become the biggest asshole. The biggest asshole by not being an asshole with myself anymore. I need to save me from myself. Is time to fire my guns!”

Rirou’s favorite song to air guitar

To be continued…

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 28 of 40 – Always look at the bright side of life

One thing Rirou learned in life through out his case of the Mondays was, to look at the bright side of life. After the priest accused Rirou for smoking too much weed, and said that his soul was going to burn in a lake of fire for the rest of eternity; Rirou did the only thing he knew to do, he decided to challenged the status quo.

Rirou went skateboarding and decided to try marijuana, and he end up having the biggest spiritual experience of his life. Plus that day he skate like he had never skate before. Seems like he was possessed to skate, but the most important part of that experience was that Rirou though what if the devil is like the Tasmanian devil cartoon? completely crazy, energetic, intense, with a sense of humor and a big heart? what if hell is a place with lost of rock and roll, beer, weed and skateboarding?

On that same night Rirou went to a punk rock concert at the beach, and he got to the mosh pit, and he never felt so alive in his life. That experience blew Rirou’s mind. After the show Rirou lay down at the beach and looked to the moon and thought “Well I guess I am going to hell in all Religions, so maybe the devil and I can become friends”.

Rirou kept that for himself, and he did what he was thought to and buried his feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly feelings. With time and therapy Rirou started to realize that maybe people were just afraid to feel good. He knew he was afraid to feel good, after all, that was a sin (based of the collective matrix), but Rirou realized that there is another side of the story, so he thought if Religion claims to have the truth, and there is another side of the story; therefore Religion can easily be lying.

So, what if there is no sin? If life is how you feel, and in order to feel joy you also need feel the rest (the good, the bad and the ugly), is just part of life. During the ironman cozumel in 2011 Rirou was the marathon part, and he was in hell. Literally, it had rain and it was 95 featherweights, and smoke was coming out of the asphalt. Rirou was in bad shape and his mind was going crazy; with the angel telling him to stop, but Taz (the devil) showed up that day and whispered “you should face the pain and keep going”. Rirou started to run again and he had another insight and thought “If I keep running at 8 min pace I will finish faster and pain will end quick. If I keep walking at 16 min pace the pain is the same but it will take me double the time to finish, and if I quit the pain (a different kind of pain) will least even longer.” So he ran and finish the race as his second best Ironman time ever.

Rirou realized that day that the devil was his friend after all. That day Rirou realized it does not matter in how much shit you are in, there is always a bright side. It all depends on how you look at it, and Rirou was right when in hell become friends with the devil and from that day on, Rirou started to look at the bright side of life.

Does not matter how much shit you are in, there is always a bright side to it, even if it is a lesson. And that is the Rock-it-ology second punk rule!

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 22 of 40 – The dream of mirrors

Rirou woke up that Friday April 3rd, two days after therapy day on Wednesday. That Wednesday was another big break through, and he was finally understanding the matrix. That Wednesday Rirou asked again to hear his diagnose again and this time was a lot more detailed; and that is when I light bulb when on and Rirou said “Oh that is why I am so fucked up!”. Rirou was able to see why and what triggers him, and that is when he realized the dream his old dream was true.

Rirou was at this concert. His favorite one!

Rirou knew that life it about how you feel, and that wisdom only grew after Luke was born. When Luke was born Rirou first thought was “How am I going to teach him to accept himself, if I haven’t fully accepted myself?”. Remember in the begging of the story that Rirou said empaths are like human lie detectors? Yeah, Luke is extremely emphatic and he would know if Rirou was telling the truth or not.

Back in 2018 Rirou ran to the hills he started a project to reconnect with his Soul. The project was called “I am connect” and during the project he realized the more empowered he felt the more empowered Luke felt. After all they have a super strong connection. Rirou knew he needed to do something, and now he knew why and what triggered him to become an angry man inside.

Rirou knew the evil that man did and he knew it he couldn’t let the story repeat itself, not with his kids (Rirou wants a second one). Well, that day was a Friday and Friday’s is Rirou’s pre school classes at School of Rock. That day Rirou presented his first kids Punk song. That was Rirou’s master plan, get all the classic kids songs and made a punk version! In English and Portuguese because Rirou is an Amerioca, the mix of carioca (how we call people born in Rio de Janeiro), and US Citizen.

Rirou wanted to punk the world by creating a rock and roll train of little punk kids, starting with his own kids. After all the meaning of life is to FEEL GOOD and Rirou felt good doing that, and the only thing he could do is to follow the punk force (his joy).

The dream is true and Rirou knew he needed to follow the prophecy, he knew he is punk enough to do so, and he knew that Luke is the chosen one. After all Luke is the one with super powers a power never seem before, Luke can turn on the love in people.

The punk has returned and now they are finally united and ready to punk the world. Together they are the star punks with the power to thunderstruck people with unconditional love.

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 19 of 40 – The gift of fatherhood, part 1.

Rirou woke up that Tuesday morning March 30th and he knew it that his world was about to Rock, and for those about to Rock, we salute you. Rirou needed to salute his inner child in order to be a good Dad. You can call him a dick, an a$$hole or even an worthless punk, but he wanted to make it different. Rirou did not want to pass his emotional issues, he wanted to break the cycle. In order to understand that we must go back in time…

It was Festivus day somewhere back in time and Rirou was debating his existence, he went to a friend’s house that just had a baby. After holding and playing the baby for hours Rirou knew it he was ready to be a Dad. However, first Rirou needed to go through his biggest crisis of his life. That was Rirou’s worst crisis but with therapy and time Rirou came back stronger and on Halloween day Luke was conceived.

Rirou decided he was going to do one last ironman. He signed up for Ironman Cozumel, however his mind and soul were in a different place. Rirou was tired of the ironman life. He started the race, and never finished. His lost his water bottle, and rode 25 miles (40km) with no water. He got dehydrated due to the 90 F degree (35 Celsius) weather in Cozumel. Rirou has pushed the limits many times, but this time he did not feel like it. He saw his wife, Luke in the belly and 90% of the race cheating, he said “fuck it! I am done.” Rirou stopped and took the rest of the time in Cozumel as a vacation.

Rirou did not like to quit, he came back home and didn’t train for 4 weeks but he decided to do a local Ironman in Naples Florida in January. He didn’t train much because he just wanted to finish and take the sour feeling from his mouth. Rirou liked local races cause there is less cheating; a local race have at max 400 athletes, and an Ironman race have 2000+ and in theory less drugs. However, on a smaller races he could recognize the athletes that cheated and he talk shit in their face. Rirou is a punk in so many ways, and he did not tolerated that, and he said that loud and clear whenever he felt like it.

Anyways, Rirou did the entire race with Luke’s ultrasound picture with him, he knew that was his last ironman and he was dedicating that race to Luke. Rirou won the race, waited to his athletes to finish and congratulated them. After racing for 10 hours he drove 2 hours because he wanted to go home and stay with his family. He even skipped the podium.

Rirou’s last ironman

A few weeks after that Rirou found out they were having a boy, and he started to build his room. Rirou gave the name idea because he is a big fan of star wars (yeah, it’s not Luke from the bible, it’s from star wars) but Rirou only told his wife about Luke Skywalker character after she already was hooked on the name.

Rirou wanted to be a super present Dad and he knew he needed to talk to Luke as much as he could to build that connection. Dad’s need to build a connection. The mom caries the baby, so they are already connected. Rirou created an email for Luke, and the first e-mail he wrote was about what they were doing in preparation for his arrival. Rirou attached on that e-mail the soundtrack that he used to build Luke’s crib, and how that music touches his heart and how happy music made him feel….

To be continued…

Feel Good,

Rirou

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