The Celebration of the biggest air of a life time is a bit different; is knocking stuff out 不. That was not only my biggest air in the bowl celebration, but also a celebration of my first interview about my book touching the main subject: Depression! Felt good to finally talk about it; and that is a real air when it comes to depression. You know depression sometimes feels you are being sufocated. The skate air is a metaphor as well as my singing.

Chapter 14: New moon, Piece of Mind.

All the way up to this past new moon I was adjusting a lot of things, because the truth is I was filled with judgments of heaven, fear and shame. 3 simple bad energies but they are strong enough to keep you in the dark. I say this because the truth is my belief system (what I learned as truth – matrix) lied to me my entire life. It was echoing in my mind this over and over again, like this:

-Skateboarding is a crime.
-Rock and roll is evil.
-Marijuana is bad medicine.
-My sense of fashion was bad.
-My attitude was bad.
-My food choice were bad.
-My connection was spiritual practices were witchcraft.

Yeah I was naive and believed that until I was 40 years old. They were all my love, and my love was bad, but isn’t love the best medicine? For years, I was confused but in 2012 things started to change and got super intense in 2020 and I became aware of those energies stringes that held me back and how they affected me.

After this new moon and a thunderstruck moment (ah-ha moment) in therapy, I am finally feel ready. So, in honor of the 38 years of Iron maiden Piece of mind (there is a very special connection in my book with this album me and Luke) album release this day may 16th 1983, I can say I am ready to give the Roman Catholic Church a piece of my mind with Punkaste Witness, you know a bad religion to compete, and go on with my conspiracy of one with the Rock-it-ology Television, which is kind of a Blipi but Punk, teaching kids about skateboarding and rock and roll. I was already doing, but it’s much easier to do without fear, judments and shame. Meaning, out of the darkness and into the light where the energy flows intead of paralyzing you.

Punkaste, light honest and dignity with a sparkling of fuck you! I never wanted more than I could fit it my head. But this looks like a job for me, cause we need a little controversy, and I ready to go where eagles dare…

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 6: as wicked

For years I believe I was doom for a life of surfering and pain. For real, was a feeling that I couldn’t enjoy life, and if I did I would be punished. Everything that gave me joy was going to be the end of the world. Like, everything was my fault. Heavy metal thought me that the easy way out, ending life, was not an option. 

Yes, it’s true, the feeling was that I was wicked. Like in my dreams is it was always there,  demons faces saying I couldn’t enjoy life. I didn’t know what those demons were until I picked up the guitar to play at 39 years old. Not only that, it only started to make sense on my 40th birthday! That’s when I realized I was battling my own existence.

At age of 39 is when I told my wife, I wanted to be the one who stays home with the kids and learn music. Not only because I didn’t want to work. I mean I don’t want to work, because the truth I can’t have a boss. I think from all the bosses that I had, there is a very few that I didn’t say fuck off. Me out there is a menace to society. It’s true, cause I have an attitude and I know how to use it, like the guy from office space.  The scene where the guy from office space,  says fuck off and got promoted actually happened in my life a few times. Or that scene with George Costanza, when he does everything the opposite way. Anyways,  I said I want to stay home and say fuck you to the Pope and rock. I also wanted to stay home mostly because Luke is as sensitive, if not more than I am, and now Amber. She is also super sensitive. 

Scaping hell (depression) is about learning about my sensitivity and using, and as I do that I want to teach my kids how to use their strength in life, after all my sensitivity is my strength. This way the story won’t repeat itself. The crazy thing is as a sensitive person I became very angry inside due to not exploring my sensitivity,  and swallowing my feelings. Didn’t look like I was an angry person because like the movie Anger Management he says there are 2 kinds of people: the one who explodes and the one who listened quietly day after day. Well, I am/was the one who listened day after day. Felt like I was grounded for 33 years.

Hell and fire was spawned to be released and that’s when the other day I made the video of saying fuck you to the Pope. As I released all this anger in form of art I noticed that things actually started to workout in my life, and the paranoia is gone. Things are no longer heavy and the energy is flowing. Not only that, by doing this, it creates a positive effect in the people around me, my family. Maybe not the devoted catholics since my story make them uncomfortable, but it’s what they say, life begins at the end of the confort zone.

Now I planned to release my first kids song in portuguese this week, however since we are moving (we got a house, see how choosing love/joy things workout?), I decided to wait and record the video in the new house. I believe this will have a much deeper meaning. Because the reality is, on January 20th,  Saint Sebastian day the Padron of my hometown (Rio de Janeiro,  Brasil) we bought our first home. That day was when the world turned around for me, that day was the day I realized I was not doomed, and I finally found my place under the sun. Yeah, I escaped hell, and it felt like a slapt in the face of destiny. Well, maybe not a slapt, but more like a mooning to destiny. I always loved mooning LOL. 

Punkaste,

Rirou

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