Chapter 6: “I have no belief, but I believe I am walking contradiction…”

Well, we that was how we started our NICU journey. Looking back at my life I could clearly see that I went to 2 big transformations which all of them had a piece of spirituality. The first one was a mental transformation back in 2003 when I decided to start fighting depression, and I started yoga back then. The second one was a body transformation that started back in 2012, that is when I started receiving Reiki. When we got pregnant my spiritual awakening just grew exponentially. In every transformation I went through things get pretty intense at first, specially if is a radical one. They get intense because you need to destroy the old in order to build the new. To be honest, that is the only way to do, otherwise you will never change. If you wanna change you need to be Roots and Radical.

In the NICU the feelings were raw an intense, that push all your limits above and beyond. Those are real human emotions and super intense, you literally go from 0 to 100 is seconds. Anyways, for me, inclusion starts at home, so my wife and I pretty much moved into the room that the hospital provide for families that lived far: The Conine House. And that is where we lived for the next 84 days, after all we are a family, we are all in this together. My mother-in-law stayed at home with Bolt (our dog) that did not leave Luke’s room until we were back home 84 days later. Honestly, he only left to go outside and then back to his room. Crazy!

During the NICU time I heard all kind of things from Doctors. I was scared and confused, but somehow I knew in my heart that Luke was okay. I was so overwhelmed with everything around me. So, I had to slow down. I started to meditate even more, specially next to Luke with lots of mental talks with him. I started to receive Reiki every time I could, and I started to go to Reiki circles in the hospital (super cool that the hospital have a Reiki Circle). I also restarted practicing yoga own my own in the Conine house in the early AM before crossing the street to see Luke wake up. My goal was to be strong spiritually so I could help Luke, and be there for him. I told Luke I couldn’t stay there 24/7 there, but I left the Chewbacca mask next to his bed, so he knew he was not alone.

With time everything started to make sense to me. Honestly, the way it felt was when Luke was born he came with so much light that it blind me for awhile. That being said, as the days went by in the NICU I started to see again but much much more clearly, and things started to make sense, and it was really ironic. Once I heard that irony is the face of God, and as I look to my life is pure irony, like I am literally walking in contradiction. You doubt? let me tell you:

  1. I was a sensitive boy that cried a lot, but at the same time I love heavy metal. I heard my entire life, how I could be so zen and listen to metal?
  2. I am metal head that loves punk rock, usually those 2 don’t match. I hear all the time, you are a punk that likes slayer?Yeah, I fucking love slayer! I also love the dark side of things, because they are real and raw.
  3. I feel I have a really strong spirituality, (intuition, deja-vu etc). I honestly feel that the universe and I have a super strong connection (its a huge story). Truth being said, up to now my feelings were 99.9% of the time right, it’s just hard to trust them because of what I learned. Yet, I don’t believe in God because I hate religion (Religion is simply exclusive, like a box or an aquarium). However, I believe in the Force, the life force that bind us together because for me it’s all connected.
  4. I was a pro athlete that didn’t want to take performance enhancing drugs (I always like weed but weed is not a drug). Yeah, don’t pretend you don’t know, 90% or more of the athletes take something. Even amateurs. Anyways, I was racing for me, because I had a purpose for doing 18 fucking ironmans. I was facing one demon at the time on those races, and that is when I learned that the dark side is your friend. I always loved the dark side, and as a punk I love to face them. After all I love challenging the status quo, like I was born for that!
  5. I always said that hell was a good place. I mean, think about it: Tons of beer, weed, rock and roll for eternity? Where do I sign up? and I think most of my friends will be there, so hell here I go!
  6. In school I didn’t want to cheat, and I didn’t like to study either. That is why I flunk 3 times. I am not perfect, I did cheat a few times but mostly on group work, where some of my friends saved me. But in general, I did try to take responsibility for my grades. In the triathlon was the same, I didn’t want to cheat, where 70% of the athletes did cheat. I honestly rather finish last than cheat, again I had a reason why I was doing those races. Physical pain helps with emotional pain.
  7. Now 2 triathletes have a son with muscle weakness, how ironically beautiful this is? I mean, who better than 2 triathletes, to parent a kid like Luke?

For me being a Dad is accepting a Soul that is coming, and that soul is coming for spiritual growth, meaning we are all perfectly imperfect and life is a challenging school. Therefore, the way I see it is I got the son that I need for my spiritual growth and Luke have the parents that will help his spiritual growth, same thing with my daughter that is coming soon (we are at 32 weeks today). My biggest fear in the NICU was how I was going to teach Luke about acceptance, if I haven’t accepted myself. Meaning, I dealt with depression for a reason, and now it was time to heal.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Day 26 of 40 – Who made who?

Who made who? That is the question that nobody can answer, and on the day 26 of Rirou’s COVID-19 isolation, he was contemplating about that question. After all the collective matrix was going to an existential crisis due to the corona virus, well that is what seems like it. Maybe was just Rirou, but anyways if everything happens for a reason it must be have a reason why a Punk was born.

Rirou didn’t know who made who, well nobody really knows, but he knew one thing: how he felt, and rock was the number #1 that made him feel good. However, hidden forces were trying to say that was wrong.

When Rirou was about 12 years old, the Pope prohibit Iron Maiden to play in Chile and Rirou got mad and called the pope an asshole and got in trouble. Later on when Rirou was about 15 he went his Religious teacher (he studied in a Catholic School) and asked him why he felt more connect when he was surfing or skateboarding and not when I was at Church (we were obligated to attend mass in school). His answers was: “I think you are smoking too much weed!” Rirou was shocked! First because he haven’t even tried marijuana on that time, and second he was just looking for comfort for the emotional issues that I was dealing with. Not satisfied the asshole, I mean the “priest” added: “You are most likely going to hell with your music taste!”. Yeah, he said that for a 15 year old kid. After that day the power of irreverence just grew on Rirou.

Rirou always loved to contemplate about life he was contemplating a lot during this period, and he likes to contemplate during his walks with Bolt. Rirou takes the dog out for a walk daily around 4:20, and walks around listening to the birds and looking up to the sky. During that day Rirou realized that rock-it-ology needed some commandments.

Yes, it was 4:20 and no Rirou was not burning the bush during his walk. Yeah, Colorado is legal but people just don’t walk around smoking weed on the streets, and no Rirou did not find a talking bush. However, those walks in the afternoon align with the silence in the streets Rirou was having great insights. That day Rirou stopped and looked at the sky and had an insight. He finally figure it out the commandments.

Rirou is fascinated with numbers, after all he was sure that we lived in a matrix. Now everything made sense since he had found the 3 spiritual laws, and now he figured it out the 7 commandments. The funny thing is that in numerology the number 3 means: Energy of kindness, creativity and joy; and the number 7 remind us that the answers to all questions is in our DNA.

Rirou’s mind just blew it, so he rushed home and wrote in down before the 7 commandments before he forgets, and here they are:

  • Thou shalt not be an asshole
  • Always look at the bright side of life
  • Inclusion is not rocket science
  • Thou shalt face your demons
  • Thou shalt not judge
  • Unfashion thyself
  • Thou shalt eat and train like you give a f*ck

To be continued….

Day 25 of 40 – Something to believe in

Monday April 6th Rirou woke up with and again not another case of the Mondays. This COVID-19 isolation was great for Rirou, he took the time to go within and now things were more clear than ever.

Rirou always believed we all got something to learn and something to teach, and that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don’t know why and we have to find out or sometimes we know exactly why. That goes for all of us, no exception, is just part of life. The key is to learn in every situation, at least that was Rirou’s goal after every Ironman. Funny because an Ironman race is 90% mental and 10% physical, different than training. Training is 90% physical and 10% mental. For Rirou every Ironman was a mental battle with big life lessons.

During those Ironmans Rirou decoded 3 spiritual laws that helped him escape his matrix:

  • 1st, Accept it: That is probably the most important one. Like an Ironman, life is challenging and once you sign up you know it will be hard. Same with life, once you are born you know it will have challenges, and it’s not that is good or bad, it is what it is.
  • 2nd, Face it: The truth is the shit is big and you can’t run away. You have to face it, cause if you don’t the demons will only get bigger and bigger. So, we must face our demons. Rirou always said, when in hell become friends with the Devil.
  • 3rd, Rock it: This is the most simple rule, but the most difficult: Listen to your heart and stay true to yourself. Yes, that is all it takes to Rock in life and that is what Rock means to Rirou.
Rirou received this album when he was 18 years old from his Band mate. Another mind blown moment for Rirou when was going through his crisis in 2015, and this album pop up in pandora radio during one of his long runs.

Rirou took the lessons learned during his Ironman period and now he was using in many different levels to escape his own matrix. Those 3 spiritual laws are the base of Rock-it-ology.

Feel Good,

Rirou

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