Chapter 11: Be a punk

When I first step on a stage exclusively to sing a song I was almost 40 years old. Not going to lie, I was nervous as fuck of course because any artist would be, the same way I was nervous for all my ironmans. However this time was different, I was in fear. Fear because all of that had a meaning to me, like a metaphor. But thanks to weed, I able to chill and thanks to coffee I had the energy to do it as well. Which by that way, I just learned this is called Hippie speed ball! LOL!

The metaphor is simple, singing represents gaining my voice. So, in a way that show was my step out of depression something I have been dealing with for a long time now. Something that started around 7 years old with guilt, that I carried for years without even realizing. Anyways, that is a long story that became a book. Now, there is a sentence in the song I sang “all apologies by nirvana ” that really touch my soul: “Everything is my fault”. That explains everything in depression, at least in my depression. For ages, I really thought everything was my fault, and I never even had a chance to defend myself. I had no voice, I couldn’t speak, I was afraid of speaking. Now, I can recognize and deal with it using my “voice”. So yeah, that was a huge night for me, and I was only able to do so because I am a punk.

I have so many reasons why I needed to step in that stage and rock. Truth being said I was only able to do so because I am a punk and that is why I teach my kids to be punks. Funny thing is, when I said that only a few people got it because nobody really know what it means to be a punk.

First, being a punk is about being authentic, being true to yourself and embracing who you truly are. Quite simple!

Second, is about following your dreams. Nothing to do with money, I mean your real dreams, you know, the dreams of your heart. That sparkle of light that we all have inside. That something that makes your soul light up! (Note: sometimes might be a real dream)

Third, being a punk is recognizing that we are all souls. I mean we are very similar in the biological level, however in the soul level we are all unique. We all have something to learn and something to teach in this life.

Now you just have to keep in mind is that life will challenge you no matter what, so you can either enjoy the ride by following your dreams (heart) or you can make the challenge of life miserably challenging. I choose to follow my dreams. For example, I have been wanting to do my philosophical YouTube channel show but never had the balls, so this week I finally launched the coffee with weed talk show. I talk show with myself, you know, when you need an expert opinion you have to ask yourself.

The best part is that the show is in English and Portuguese, just like the punk rock songs for kids. Therefore today I am launching my cover song in Portuguese called a barata (the cockroach).

So be a Punk, ambrase your assholeness and shine were the light doesn’t shine. I choose religion for many reasons, but most because they are the first ones to fail in reconize souls and our uniqueness. Ironic, right? Because they sure preach about it, but actions speaks lauder than words.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 10: The dream is true.

About 2 weeks ago I started dreaming that Luke, my first born, was talking (he is almost 5 and non verbal). Anyways, I had this dream 3 nights in a row. Normally when that kind of stuff happens I don’t say a word, however since I am getting out of depression and gaining my voice, I told my wife and Luke about the dream. That is when things got weird.

A few days after I started to notice Luke using his talker more and his voice, but never mouth movement and sound together. Is usually one or the other. Until the other day when I was recording the Punkaste video, and my wife called me and said: -Come here, your dream is true!

When I arrived at the living room, Luke simply said “Ma” with sound and mouth movement and of course, I freaked out. A dream that became real shouldn’t freak me out, right? The issue is, it’s not the first time. My life is full of stories like that I just never really talked about it, and after Luke was born things got more intense.

This is actually pretty cool if it wasn’t for the fact that I was scared of my spirituality. This fear is what created my depression on the first place, so the fact that, I opened up with my wife about that and that I am here writing about it is fucking a HUGE step into my healing. Anyways, the crazy part is that I feel what Luke feels and vice-versa, so seems like my theory of the Dream of mirrors is true!

Speaking of dreams the one of me creating music is also true, and also the one of me writing my coaching philosophy as well, the inner child revolution guide. Those dreams along with a few other in my life (book is coming soon) are true. I am grateful that even scared as fuck I follow them.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 15: Wildest Dream

This chapter is more like an open letter to my kids an idea that I got from my athlete, the guy who did the solo ironman. Which by the way, he did another one, can you believe it? That is pretty wild right? 3 ironmans in one year with 2 being solo. As his coach I told him, that is wild so let’s do it, because life is about following your dreams!

Back in at the of 2003 when I had my first real crisis I stopped to ask myself: what life was all about? That is when I heard the iron maiden song Wildest Dream. That was like a whisper in my ears like this “Joy is your birth right”. But what was my joy? I was so numb that I didn’t even know what my joy was, but I knew one thing, as a kid I wanted to be a professional athlete. Everyone told me it was impossible because I had no talent as a kid. And now, I was 260 pounds, drinking daily, and smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Would that be even possible to pursue such an wild dream? Well, I thought so.

That is when I felt in love with ironman and decided to pursue a kids dream. For me was more about the journey of becoming a pro athelte than actually winning. Yes I wanted to win, but that was not the main goal. The main goal was to find my joy in life, specially because I was not willing to do everything to win, such as drugs or drafting in a race. My thought was if I ever win anything needed to be clean. During my ironman years I started to question a lot of things, after all do you want a better therapy of hours and hours of exercise just you and yourself? Add metal and punk rock to the mix and we have the closest thing to a perfect therapy.

After awhile doing ironman and also doing therapy I started to find my real joy. I realized I had more kids dreams to fulfill and those dreams were much much deeper in my soul, because that I had to face a much bigger demon. As I learned in my ironmans, and told all my athletes, you need to face your demons. I also learned in my own experience that when you are in hell become friends with the devil, and that is what I did.

After 18 ironmans I realized it was time to move forward. When I asked my therapist what innerchild had to do with depression and she answered “everything “. I didn’t think twice, I knew it was time to complete heal my innerchild. It was time to pursue my other kids dreams which consist in:

  • Learn how to play all iron maiden songs in the guitar.
  • Learn how to sing.
  • Have my own talk show.
  • Write a book of my story.
  • Have a blog related to music.

For me was never about fame or money, was always about happiness. Happiness is about pursing a dream and following your heart. That day in 2003 I just choose to make a change towards my happiness. Success for me is about exceeding your own limitations, is going above of what you thought it was possible. You can shoot for the moon because if you miss you will land in the stars.

For me being a punk is about following your dreams, and choosing happiness over the same old story. After all joy is our birth right. In numerology 666 simply means:

666 the number of the beast for me is the greatest song ever created in human history, that’s why I starting with this one.

All that being said, what I want to teach my kids and hopefully other kids through music is to follow their dreams; and to choose love over fear.

Punkaste,

Rirou!

I’m gonna organize some changes in my life,
I’m gonna exorcise the demons of my past,
I’m gonna take the car and hit the open road,
I’m feeling ready to just open up and go And I just feel like I can be anything,
that I might ever wish to be,
and fantasize just what I want to to be,
make my wildest dreams come true I’m on my way.
Out on my own again I’m on my way out on the road again, When I remember back to how that things used to be,
and I was stuck inside a shroud of misery I felt I disappeared so deep inside my self
I couldn’t find a way to break away the hell When I’m feeling down and low,
I vow I’ll never be the same again,
I just remember what I am, and visualize what I’m gonna be, I’m on my way. Out on my own again,
I’m on my way, I’m gonna break away, I’m gonna break away, I’m out on my own,
I’m out on my own, gonna break away, breaking away, I’m on my way, out my own again,
I’m on my way, out on the road again, I’m on my way, out on my own again,
I’m on my way, I’m gonna break away,

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