empathic – I am Rirou the Punk!

For years I believe I was doom for a life of surfering and pain. For real, was a feeling that I couldn’t enjoy life, and if I did I would be punished. Everything that gave me joy was going to be the end of the world. Like, everything was my fault. Heavy metal thought me that the easy way out, ending life, was not an option.

Yes, it’s true, the feeling was that I was wicked. Like in my dreams is it was always there, demons faces saying I couldn’t enjoy life. I didn’t know what those demons were until I picked up the guitar to play at 39 years old. Not only that, it only started to make sense on my 40th birthday! That’s when I realized I was battling my own existence.

At age of 39 is when I told my wife, I wanted to be the one who stays home with the kids and learn music. Not only because I didn’t want to work. I mean I don’t want to work, because the truth I can’t have a boss. I think from all the bosses that I had, there is a very few that I didn’t say fuck off. Me out there is a menace to society. It’s true, cause I have an attitude and I know how to use it, like the guy from office space. The scene where the guy from office space, says fuck off and got promoted actually happened in my life a few times. Or that scene with George Costanza, when he does everything the opposite way. Anyways, I said I want to stay home and say fuck you to the Pope and rock. I also wanted to stay home mostly because Luke is as sensitive, if not more than I am, and now Amber. She is also super sensitive.

Scaping hell (depression) is about learning about my sensitivity and using, and as I do that I want to teach my kids how to use their strength in life, after all my sensitivity is my strength. This way the story won’t repeat itself. The crazy thing is as a sensitive person I became very angry inside due to not exploring my sensitivity, and swallowing my feelings. Didn’t look like I was an angry person because like the movie Anger Management he says there are 2 kinds of people: the one who explodes and the one who listened quietly day after day. Well, I am/was the one who listened day after day. Felt like I was grounded for 33 years.

Hell and fire was spawned to be released and that’s when the other day I made the video of saying fuck you to the Pope. As I released all this anger in form of art I noticed that things actually started to workout in my life, and the paranoia is gone. Things are no longer heavy and the energy is flowing. Not only that, by doing this, it creates a positive effect in the people around me, my family. Maybe not the devoted catholics since my story make them uncomfortable, but it’s what they say, life begins at the end of the confort zone.

Now I planned to release my first kids song in portuguese this week, however since we are moving (we got a house, see how choosing love/joy things workout?), I decided to wait and record the video in the new house. I believe this will have a much deeper meaning. Because the reality is, on January 20th, Saint Sebastian day the Padron of my hometown (Rio de Janeiro, Brasil) we bought our first home. That day was when the world turned around for me, that day was the day I realized I was not doomed, and I finally found my place under the sun. Yeah, I escaped hell, and it felt like a slapt in the face of destiny. Well, maybe not a slapt, but more like a mooning to destiny. I always loved mooning LOL.

Punkaste,

Rirou

It was 15 min to midnight during the winter solstice in the south hemisphere of the planet earth, the moon was waxing gibbous when Rirou, the punk, was born. Rirou is considered a sensitive soul, or what many call nowadays an empath personality. Rirou has always been fascinated by the moon, since little he always looked up to the for answers. Somehow he feels he is related to the moon, but mostly the dark side of the moon, that is why he considered himself a moonchild.

Rirou had a passion for heavy metal music, he loved Iron Maiden and guitars, specially air guitars. He also loved skateboarding, and according to family history he was on top of the skateboard at around 2 years old. Around 7 years old he got an vinyl as present, but it was a kids music vinyl, so he exchanged to an ACDC vinyl, the fly on the wall. He loved the fact bee ass on the back of the vinyl.

Rirou has always being a punk, and around 12 years old he called the Pope an asshole for not allowing Iron Maiden to play in Chile. Rirou started to get angry, because he did not understand how a man could determinate who could or not enjoy something. That made him sad, and made him cry many times.

Also as a sensitive soul Rirou did not really understood many things that he felt, since that some of those feelings were not necessarily his. According to studies empath can feel the energy and emotions around them, and with Rirou was not different. And that made him cry even more. How much he cried? A lot, in fact, he cried so much that everyone sang this song to him:

Rirou, like many other kids, was thought that boys didn’t cry, and that he needed to swallow his feelings. He needed to be a man, a “real man.” Well, he did exactly that, he started to swallow his feelings, and he started to numb them with food. Instead of crying, talking or even accessing his feelings he started to eat, and that started a whole new set of issues.

Rirou started to feel really bad about himself, because the music he loved dearly was considered the devil music, and skateboarding was considered a crime, even though those things made him feel good. They made him feel alive, but everything else around him said the opposite. So he started to think that everything was wrong with him, and that he was not allowed to feel good.

Rirou started to eat compulsively, and within a few years he was having weight issues so, besides “being a sensitive kid”, he was now the “chubby sensitive child”. By 13 years old Rirou was completely numb and started shaving his head totally opposite of what he wanted (he wanted long hair like the maiden guys). Confused Rirou started to started dieting after he read the book “So e gordo quem quer”, which the translation is “You are only fat because you want”. He also started to exercise insanity, sometimes 3 times a day and he started to become obsessed with his body imagine, and that is when he joined a basketball team…

To be continued.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Tag: empathic

Chapter 6: as wicked

Chapter 1- Moonchild