When I first step on a stage exclusively to sing a song I was almost 40 years old. Not going to lie, I was nervous as fuck of course because any artist would be, the same way I was nervous for all my ironmans. However this time was different, I was in fear. Fear because all of that had a meaning to me, like a metaphor. But thanks to weed, I able to chill and thanks to coffee I had the energy to do it as well. Which by that way, I just learned this is called Hippie speed ball! LOL!
The metaphor is simple, singing represents gaining my voice. So, in a way that show was my step out of depression something I have been dealing with for a long time now. Something that started around 7 years old with guilt, that I carried for years without even realizing. Anyways, that is a long story that became a book. Now, there is a sentence in the song I sang “all apologies by nirvana ” that really touch my soul: “Everything is my fault”. That explains everything in depression, at least in my depression. For ages, I really thought everything was my fault, and I never even had a chance to defend myself. I had no voice, I couldn’t speak, I was afraid of speaking. Now, I can recognize and deal with it using my “voice”. So yeah, that was a huge night for me, and I was only able to do so because I am a punk.
I have so many reasons why I needed to step in that stage and rock. Truth being said I was only able to do so because I am a punk and that is why I teach my kids to be punks. Funny thing is, when I said that only a few people got it because nobody really know what it means to be a punk.
First, being a punk is about being authentic, being true to yourself and embracing who you truly are. Quite simple!
Second, is about following your dreams. Nothing to do with money, I mean your real dreams, you know, the dreams of your heart. That sparkle of light that we all have inside. That something that makes your soul light up! (Note: sometimes might be a real dream)
Third, being a punk is recognizing that we are all souls. I mean we are very similar in the biological level, however in the soul level we are all unique. We all have something to learn and something to teach in this life.
Now you just have to keep in mind is that life will challenge you no matter what, so you can either enjoy the ride by following your dreams (heart) or you can make the challenge of life miserably challenging. I choose to follow my dreams. For example, I have been wanting to do my philosophical YouTube channel show but never had the balls, so this week I finally launched the coffee with weed talk show. I talk show with myself, you know, when you need an expert opinion you have to ask yourself.
The best part is that the show is in English and Portuguese, just like the punk rock songs for kids. Therefore today I am launching my cover song in Portuguese called a barata (the cockroach).
So be a Punk, ambrase your assholeness and shine were the light doesn’t shine. I choose religion for many reasons, but most because they are the first ones to fail in reconize souls and our uniqueness. Ironic, right? Because they sure preach about it, but actions speaks lauder than words.
For years I believe I was doom for a life of surfering and pain. For real, was a feeling that I couldn’t enjoy life, and if I did I would be punished. Everything that gave me joy was going to be the end of the world. Like, everything was my fault. Heavy metal thought me that the easy way out, ending life, was not an option.
Yes, it’s true, the feeling was that I was wicked. Like in my dreams is it was always there, demons faces saying I couldn’t enjoy life. I didn’t know what those demons were until I picked up the guitar to play at 39 years old. Not only that, it only started to make sense on my 40th birthday! That’s when I realized I was battling my own existence.
At age of 39 is when I told my wife, I wanted to be the one who stays home with the kids and learn music. Not only because I didn’t want to work. I mean I don’t want to work, because the truth I can’t have a boss. I think from all the bosses that I had, there is a very few that I didn’t say fuck off. Me out there is a menace to society. It’s true, cause I have an attitude and I know how to use it, like the guy from office space. The scene where the guy from office space, says fuck off and got promoted actually happened in my life a few times. Or that scene with George Costanza, when he does everything the opposite way. Anyways, I said I want to stay home and say fuck you to the Pope and rock. I also wanted to stay home mostly because Luke is as sensitive, if not more than I am, and now Amber. She is also super sensitive.
Scaping hell (depression) is about learning about my sensitivity and using, and as I do that I want to teach my kids how to use their strength in life, after all my sensitivity is my strength. This way the story won’t repeat itself. The crazy thing is as a sensitive person I became very angry inside due to not exploring my sensitivity, and swallowing my feelings. Didn’t look like I was an angry person because like the movie Anger Management he says there are 2 kinds of people: the one who explodes and the one who listened quietly day after day. Well, I am/was the one who listened day after day. Felt like I was grounded for 33 years.
Hell and fire was spawned to be released and that’s when the other day I made the video of saying fuck you to the Pope. As I released all this anger in form of art I noticed that things actually started to workout in my life, and the paranoia is gone. Things are no longer heavy and the energy is flowing. Not only that, by doing this, it creates a positive effect in the people around me, my family. Maybe not the devoted catholics since my story make them uncomfortable, but it’s what they say, life begins at the end of the confort zone.
Now I planned to release my first kids song in portuguese this week, however since we are moving (we got a house, see how choosing love/joy things workout?), I decided to wait and record the video in the new house. I believe this will have a much deeper meaning. Because the reality is, on January 20th, Saint Sebastian day the Padron of my hometown (Rio de Janeiro, Brasil) we bought our first home. That day was when the world turned around for me, that day was the day I realized I was not doomed, and I finally found my place under the sun. Yeah, I escaped hell, and it felt like a slapt in the face of destiny. Well, maybe not a slapt, but more like a mooning to destiny. I always loved mooning LOL.