Chapter 1: Am I evil?

Am I evil? That is a question that I had for my entire existence. Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. This thought started at a super early age for me, and it haunted me down, until I was 40 years old. Well, if I am honest, still does. Now the big question is why, and I hope you are ready to read, cause I am ready to talk.

Since an early age I was called evil for loving heavy metal, I heard many times and I said it here many times. What you didn’t know is that it felt like I was being crucified for my music taste. Because the minute I said I liked heavy metal I was automatic labeled as evil. As I said I was a sensitive kid, well I am a sensitive man. Now, why was I sensitive? Well, I had psychic abilities, very strong ones. I had a lot of deja-vus, intuitions, knowing things, and feeling things. What kid would not be get scared to say what he feels after being labeled evil from the get go. The worst part of all is being crucified without even hearing my side of the story. People assumed I was an anti-Christ, or this soulless person when people didn’t even knew what was going on, or even what I believed. So my fault was that I never said what I felt because of the fear of being evil.

Now, when Luke was born my sensibility came back up at the highest level. I have gotten him out of trouble so many times, and it was like I just knew it what to do. Lots of stories in my upcoming book. Crazy insane, I know, but true. I think there is a few stories during my 40 walk through the covid-420 that I mention some dots I connected . Ok, so now are you ready to talk about Jesus and God? LOL that is when it gets super interesting the story. Let’s go by part.

First of all, I had always believed that Jesus existed, he was a public figure for sure no doubt about it. I mean, people wrote a book about him. I just always believed the story was distorted, and I also knew that we don’t need Religion to connect with something higher. When Luke was born I went to do a Reiki session, and during this session guess who showed up in a form of vision? Well, if you guessed Jesus you are right. He paid me a visit. Not only once, but twice. The second time was in 2020 before before Amber was born on my meditation. Now you want to see where it gets even better? I not only seeing Jesus, but I also I saw Buddha, Krishna, and Lemmy (motorhead) and Chester (Linkin Park). I am not joking. Some people called channeling, I don’t know because I never intentionally tried, or learned, it just happened. Or this can simply be my fears, traumas and dreams in form of visualizations. All I know is that; as much as looney tunes as is sounds for you, it sounds for me as well.

Second, let’s talk about God. For me, it’s energy. You can only feel it, like love. You can only feel it and love is inclusive. Now, Religion with their so called fathers never really understood my love for music, they didn’t even tried to listen to my side of the story. Based on Religion we are all son’s of God and I was “different” and I was not included in his love due to my Love for the “devils song”. What kind of “father (priest)” is that, that can’t love a different child? Well what kind of love is that? I mean, they can only love you with a condition?

We usually have so many judgments about this type of music, and for the people that listen to it. The problem is that most people don’t even stop to listen to what they are singing about. Which a lot times those songs are a philosophical metaphor. Some people might not understand the metaphors, is ok. Is not for everyone, I get it. However those metaphors saved me and guided me my entire life, witch now makes sense with my “clairaudience mediumship.” Rock took me to a beautiful place called LOVE; and love is inclusive.

Well that is my biggest trauma, on my 40th birthday when I launched my very first punk song for kids I really thought that the my world was going to end if I did that. Fuck up, right? All this time I was afraid of being evil, just because of my love for Rock and Roll and because of my sensitivity that I couldn’t explain. Turns out, my sensitivity is a gift! Am I evil? Of course not! Does that makes me a better person? Hell no! However it does make me a bigger asshole since it proves my theory that the only way to escape hell is to “unlearn what you have learned”, so here we go:

Rock and Roll is good for the soul.
Punk is not dead, punk is Dad. Punk is the definition of love (inclusion).
Never grow up.
Weed is medicine, helps you understand and accept what you can’t control.
Coffee is medicine, to change the things you can control.
I honestly believe that the truth comes out in form of art. Because art it really touches your soul, and that many times causes crisis. I love crisis because it gets the best of us. Meaning you are the storm!

So, yeah LOVE ROCKS and I am a fool (or an asshole depends on the perspective), that believes in love; that decided to follow my childhood dream dreams; and a fool that learned about inclusion through punk rock. My friends used to sing to me, “we don’t need another hero”, (that was Rirou’s theme song when I was 8 years old) and is 100% right! We don’t need another hero, we need more PUNKS! I honestly believe is time to Religion do some shadow work, like Slayer said “Pay back is a bitch!” Conclusion fuck depression, let’s Rock! How? Simple, do what you want by making peace with your inner child and for that there is nothing better than music therapy. Join me and let’s rock this world!

Oh, and master Yoda, he is the man! Since I said the world is depress, and the big thing with depression is that most of us don’t even know we are depress. Solution? An inner child revolution! That is what I did! Anarchy with a discipline of an ironman!

Punkaste,

Rirou

Open letter to the Pope

November 29, 2020 0

Chapter 15: Wildest Dream

This chapter is more like an open letter to my kids an idea that I got from my athlete, the guy who did the solo ironman. Which by the way, he did another one, can you believe it? That is pretty wild right? 3 ironmans in one year with 2 being solo. As his coach I told him, that is wild so let’s do it, because life is about following your dreams!

Back in at the of 2003 when I had my first real crisis I stopped to ask myself: what life was all about? That is when I heard the iron maiden song Wildest Dream. That was like a whisper in my ears like this “Joy is your birth right”. But what was my joy? I was so numb that I didn’t even know what my joy was, but I knew one thing, as a kid I wanted to be a professional athlete. Everyone told me it was impossible because I had no talent as a kid. And now, I was 260 pounds, drinking daily, and smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Would that be even possible to pursue such an wild dream? Well, I thought so.

That is when I felt in love with ironman and decided to pursue a kids dream. For me was more about the journey of becoming a pro athelte than actually winning. Yes I wanted to win, but that was not the main goal. The main goal was to find my joy in life, specially because I was not willing to do everything to win, such as drugs or drafting in a race. My thought was if I ever win anything needed to be clean. During my ironman years I started to question a lot of things, after all do you want a better therapy of hours and hours of exercise just you and yourself? Add metal and punk rock to the mix and we have the closest thing to a perfect therapy.

After awhile doing ironman and also doing therapy I started to find my real joy. I realized I had more kids dreams to fulfill and those dreams were much much deeper in my soul, because that I had to face a much bigger demon. As I learned in my ironmans, and told all my athletes, you need to face your demons. I also learned in my own experience that when you are in hell become friends with the devil, and that is what I did.

After 18 ironmans I realized it was time to move forward. When I asked my therapist what innerchild had to do with depression and she answered “everything “. I didn’t think twice, I knew it was time to complete heal my innerchild. It was time to pursue my other kids dreams which consist in:

Learn how to play all iron maiden songs in the guitar.
Learn how to sing.
Have my own talk show.
Write a book of my story.
Have a blog related to music.

For me was never about fame or money, was always about happiness. Happiness is about pursing a dream and following your heart. That day in 2003 I just choose to make a change towards my happiness. Success for me is about exceeding your own limitations, is going above of what you thought it was possible. You can shoot for the moon because if you miss you will land in the stars.

For me being a punk is about following your dreams, and choosing happiness over the same old story. After all joy is our birth right. In numerology 666 simply means:

666 the number of the beast for me is the greatest song ever created in human history, that’s why I starting with this one.

All that being said, what I want to teach my kids and hopefully other kids through music is to follow their dreams; and to choose love over fear.

Punkaste,

Rirou!

I’m gonna organize some changes in my life,
I’m gonna exorcise the demons of my past,
I’m gonna take the car and hit the open road,
I’m feeling ready to just open up and go And I just feel like I can be anything,
that I might ever wish to be,
and fantasize just what I want to to be,
make my wildest dreams come true I’m on my way.
Out on my own again I’m on my way out on the road again, When I remember back to how that things used to be,
and I was stuck inside a shroud of misery I felt I disappeared so deep inside my self
I couldn’t find a way to break away the hell When I’m feeling down and low,
I vow I’ll never be the same again,
I just remember what I am, and visualize what I’m gonna be, I’m on my way. Out on my own again,
I’m on my way, I’m gonna break away, I’m gonna break away, I’m out on my own,
I’m out on my own, gonna break away, breaking away, I’m on my way, out my own again,
I’m on my way, out on the road again, I’m on my way, out on my own again,
I’m on my way, I’m gonna break away,

October 20, 2020 0

Day 34 of 40 – The thin line between love and hate

Wednesday April 15th, Rirou woke up that day thinking what he was going to talk in therapy. Rirou had gone to therapy last week and he thought he didn’t have much to talk about it, so the day went by as usual.

About one year ago Rirou arrived home from therapy and for the first time he was in a good mood after a therapy session. He arrived with his air guitar with the best “Angus Young” moves he knows. That is Rirou’s trademark at home, the “Angus Young” air guitar. Of course everyone looked confused, so he looked to the family and “I found my calling I joined a band”. They look even more confused because he did not know how to play the guitar neither how to sing. Maybe it is a midlife crisis after all. But Rirou completed, don’t worry is a school of Rock program, I gonna learn how to play and sing for fun and that was an instant relief.

Let’s be honest, what are the chances of becoming a rock star at 40? Not impossible, but it is very small. Plus, that was not the goal. In fact, it was not about making money or being famous. It was all about his soul, and that is how he started therapy that day.

Rirou told his therapist what he was doing and what he wanted to do, and he said “it’s not about the money”; she replied, “is about what then?” Rirou simply said is about how I feel. When she asked, and how you feel? Rirou answered so fast and automatically like it was not even him talking. It is crazy how the subconscious mind works. Rirou simple replied: “Like an asshole”. Right at that moment, Rirou’s matrix collapsed.

Rirou love art but the problem is that the art that he loves dearly is considered offensive for many, and in his subconscious mind he truly believed that he was an asshole and a sinner. After all, that is what he was thought his entire life.

Rirou look to his therapist, and simply said: “This is fucked up. I am fucked” and both laugh. “It is all in his mind” he said “I need to do something if I want my kids to feel worth it.” Rirou stayed quite for a few minutes crying, and he said “My Dad said I could be anything that I want, so I will become the biggest asshole. The biggest asshole by not being an asshole with myself anymore. I need to save me from myself. Is time to fire my guns!”

Rirou’s favorite song to air guitar

To be continued…

Feel Good,

Rirou

May 20, 2020 0

Day 23 of 40 – The meaning of life

Day 23rd of Rirou’s COVID-19 isolation and his is things were getting clear by the day in his matrix, while the collective matrix was still a mess. Rirou was finally understanding his higher purpose, and that it’s what was missing in Rirou’s life. After Luke was born Rirou had a clear picture in his mind of the meaning of life, he now just needed a higher purpose.

Luke’s favorite song in the womb!

After coaching for so many years and so many different types of athletes, Rirou realized that all of them have the same goal of “Looking good naked”, including Rirou. After awhile Rirou realized that looking good naked was much more than just the mind and the body thing. Looking good naked was about how you feel when you look in the mirror and how you feel when you go lay down in bed.

Back in 2003 Rirou made an option for his life, the option of laying down in bed at night with a clear conscious. That is the main reason why Rirou did not take any drugs during his athlete career, and the reason why Rirou quit business school; he saw too much corruption on the low level and the highest level, that he did not want to be part of it. Rirou has always being a punk and he did not tolerate bullshit, and the older he gets the ability to tolerate get lower exponentially.

Back in 2013 Rirou’s crisis was more about the body, since he made the option in 2003 that he would sleep with a clear conscious he was feeling much better. In 2013 he had achieved his dream body with 160 pounds and 6% body fat, but he still didn’t feel like he looked good naked. So, Rirou went into a new revolution that went all the way up to 2018 when he ran to the hills. Rirou accepted his body.

Back 2016 Rirou did not have a crisis, he had an spiritual awakening that Luke brought to him. Luke brought Rirou something that no life coach, no religion, no parent, could have giving him, only a child can give, after all children are the biggest teachers in life.

Rirou finally realized the true meaning of looking good naked, and its about mind, body and soul. Looking good naked is the ability to feel good in your own skin!

Rirou is a moonchild and he believes in being the change he wishes to see in the world, and since the meaning of life is to look good naked; which is totally related to how you feel about yourself. Rirou, as a master punk, decided to get something that made him feel bad for years (Religion) and make one that is the complete opposite, a religion based on JOY! The collective matrix was going to an existential crisis with the COVID-19, so now was the perfect time to start writing about it.

Rirou was no longer a procrastinator, and now he was finally fulfilling his prophecy. He finally looking good naked.

Feel Good

Rirou

May 9, 2020 0