Chapter 8: God hate us all!

I should have said long time ago. I have been holding for 33 years, well maybe more since I was baptize without consent at 3 months old, and that cause me a lot of issues. But it’s 2020 and mars is in retrograde, what better time then now to put it all out? I mean, mars the God of war, what better time than pick a war with Religion? Time is here, the time is now!

Now, let’s go to the by parts. I heard my entire life, that I was going to hell for listening to metal/punk rock. Yes, even in 2020 I heard it. Anyways, I have always loved the sound of a distorted guitar, since a very young age. Something that started when I was around 3 years old when I fell in love with iron maiden. After that my story with Religion and their so called God just started to get really complicated. I got angry because I loved the music, however according to them my LOVE for music was going to gonna make my soul burn for eternity.

On top of that I was having trouble emotionally, the old story of “Boys don’t cry”, and as I kid I cried a lot, until I learned to not show my emotions, around 7 years old. Well that became a perfect mind fuck because I simply stopped expressing them and became numb. For years, I debated my own existence. I have had many suicidal thoughts, I hit myself in the head many times, but the “devils music” was the only thing that kept me going. I can honestly say that my LOVE for music is the reason I am here today writing this blog post. I mean, the shit is deep but so deep that I am finally putting into a book, me and my ghost writer.

Now, how come something that brings joy and love to someone to a point that can save his life, can be evil? At the same time, how can something that is suppose to be about love, unity as what Religion claims as God is, can so exclusive and conditional? Makes no sense to me, at least now that I am 40 years old with a child and a second one coming and 16 years of therapy. But my inner child did not know that. He believed in the grown ups, that were telling him that hell was waiting for me.

I believe in love and unity after all we are all humans and we all have to obey by the law of the universe. Yeah, love is love but I must say I draw the line on pedophilia, that is pure evil. Which by the way is Religion biggest talent. Now, my son likes AC/DC as well and he loves fast and loud songs and to add he has a wheelchair: What that has to do with this? Simple, Religious buildings are not require follow ADA laws, meaning besides not paying taxes they do not need to accessible. That is not love, that is hate and separation.

You may say I am the devil, I wouldn’t say no. However, I am not the enemy, and no I am not the anti-Christ, and if you asked me I would say that he existed, and probably was one of the greatest punk. Some theories says he used cannabis oil to make some of his miracles which makes even more punk. He knew it about love, so did Buddha and many others. However, they are not here to fix this shit.

My inner kid learned to suppress his emotions and after a lot of work to unlearn that, now is time to heal my inner child. My healing is to play and sing all my “Religious” song, create punk rock song for kids, and use the devils lettuce (marijuana) to help my healing. Because I don’t want to be angry anymore, neither pass this to my kids, the cycle needs to break. Like I heard before “Trauma is not my fault, however healing is your responsibility.” That is why I separate both channels, where “Rock-it-ology” is where I teach kids about punk rock and; “Dad is a punk” where my inner child plays my favorite Religious songs but now the air guitar is a real one! Like I said before, if I am going to hell mine as well be first class!

By the way, Religion owes me around 50000 for therapy, but is not about money. It’s about my soul, and protecting my children from child abuse.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter tittle inspired by Slayer album “God hates us all” and here is my favorite song from that album and the lyrics.

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocrisy
I’ll instigate I’ll free your mind
I’ll show you what I’ve known all this time God hates us all, God hates us all
You know it’s true God hates this place
You know it’s true he hates this race Homicide-suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answeredGod hates us all, God hates us all
God hates us all, God hates us all
Yeah, he fuckin’ hates me

Pessimist, terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I’m waiting for the day the whole world fucking diesI never said I wanted to be God’s disciple
I’ll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin’ same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can’t ignore what I say
I got my own philosophyI hate everyone equally
You can’t tear that out of me
No segregation separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God’s disciple
I’ll never be the one to blindly follow
I’ll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ place

Day 34 of 40 – The thin line between love and hate

Wednesday April 15th, Rirou woke up that day thinking what he was going to talk in therapy. Rirou had gone to therapy last week and he thought he didn’t have much to talk about it, so the day went by as usual.

About one year ago Rirou arrived home from therapy and for the first time he was in a good mood after a therapy session. He arrived with his air guitar with the best “Angus Young” moves he knows. That is Rirou’s trademark at home, the “Angus Young” air guitar. Of course everyone looked confused, so he looked to the family and “I found my calling I joined a band”. They look even more confused because he did not know how to play the guitar neither how to sing. Maybe it is a midlife crisis after all. But Rirou completed, don’t worry is a school of Rock program, I gonna learn how to play and sing for fun and that was an instant relief.

Let’s be honest, what are the chances of becoming a rock star at 40? Not impossible, but it is very small. Plus, that was not the goal. In fact, it was not about making money or being famous. It was all about his soul, and that is how he started therapy that day.

Rirou told his therapist what he was doing and what he wanted to do, and he said “it’s not about the money”; she replied, “is about what then?” Rirou simply said is about how I feel. When she asked, and how you feel? Rirou answered so fast and automatically like it was not even him talking. It is crazy how the subconscious mind works. Rirou simple replied: “Like an asshole”. Right at that moment, Rirou’s matrix collapsed.

Rirou love art but the problem is that the art that he loves dearly is considered offensive for many, and in his subconscious mind he truly believed that he was an asshole and a sinner. After all, that is what he was thought his entire life.

Rirou look to his therapist, and simply said: “This is fucked up. I am fucked” and both laugh. “It is all in his mind” he said “I need to do something if I want my kids to feel worth it.” Rirou stayed quite for a few minutes crying, and he said “My Dad said I could be anything that I want, so I will become the biggest asshole. The biggest asshole by not being an asshole with myself anymore. I need to save me from myself. Is time to fire my guns!”

Rirou’s favorite song to air guitar

To be continued…

Feel Good,

Rirou

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