Chapter 2: Revelations

Before we got pregnant with Luke, my wife and I talked about my depression and I knew it I had to get my shit together. On that time, I already had a feeling my depression was related to my spirituality. Well, I think most depressions are related to spirituality. I know mine is and many other people as well.

After Luke was born he woke me up. I mean he brought back all my sensitivity. I do believe he has a power to turn on Love on people, I have seen so many times. Anyways, once he was born I started to look for answers, so one day I knew it I had to go to a full moon drum circle there was happenning near my house. There, I met Tecia one of the most spiritual persons I know, also a punk rocker and she was the ritual organizer. Nothing was planned, I just knew I had to go, when I got there for my surprise my friend Rafa was there. Rafa and I have shared many punk rock concerts, a few joints and a few good talks about existence.

After the circle I was talking to Tecia, and she looked to me and said “you are a medium”, and in my mind I was; “whatever!”. After that, life got a little crazier and we moved to Colorado. Once we moved here, I was struggling a bit with work and what to do with my life. I tried to go back to school but that was making it worst. One day talking to my wife, she said “the issue is you think you are over your depression but you are not”. She was right.

A few weeks later Slayer was playing the final tour here in Denver. Since I have always wanted to see Slayer live, I couldn’t miss the opportunity. It was also full moon that day, and during that concert I had one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. The energy was super strong and I was like, how? How is possible? I always heard Slayer was one of the most “evil” bands of all times. How was making me feel that good and giving me that many insights. Well, that night after the concert I finally unpack my guitar. But I also, felt that I needed to repeat what was echoing in my mind. Wait, what? Repeating what was echoing in my mind, meaning voices? Than I said, I need therapy!

I restarted therapy and that is when I started organizing Rock-it-ology listening to those words echoing in my mind. 2020 came along and I started connecting the dots, I finally stopped to listen to my inner voice. Being away from people was a good thing. That is when I realized I was in fact I am medium, a seed planted by a punk rocker back in 2016. A punk medium, but a medium. Well, if I am a medium this is definitely divine intervention. The crazy part is that by telling my story, my truth it does pick a fight with Religion because I was judge by day 1 for being different. The thing is if I don’t say it, of if I don’t write it I get angry, frustrated and a shitty old man and I don’t want to be like that. Especially around my sensitivite kids.

There are 2 things I want to teach my kids: one is to accept themselves, and two is to love themselves for who they are. Well, in oder to do that I need to accept myself, and accepting myself is about accepting my love for music, for the guitar and my sensitivity.

Bottom line is if you want to change, you need to face your fears, and love yourself. Depression is about waking up for love, and love is the absent of judgement. In order to understand that we must stop and listen to our inner voice. How? With meditation! Now, there are many forms of meditation, which one of them is listening music and also skateboarding. The truth is in order to love someone you need to love yourself, cause you can’t pour from an empty cup.

For me the way out of depression it is an inner child revolution. Now how excited I was to watch Slayer live? Like a child! Even my wife was like, what the hell is wrong with you today? Wanna proof?Check out the video I made going to the concert, a video that I never post even though I really wanted to, but I was afraid. Going to that concert really tapped into my innerchild. Do you know what it’s cool of all of this? The idea or facing my fear and learning the guitar came when I was building Luke’s room and listening to Iron Maiden Piece of mind album. In fact, in my first email for Luke during the pregnancy I sent him the link of the album on YouTube.

Punkaste,

Rirou

“Oh, God of Earth and Altar
Bow down and hear our cry
Our earthly rulers falter
Our people drift and die
The walls of gold entomb us
The swords of scorn divide
Take not thy thunder from us
Take away our pride” Just a babe in a black abyss
No reason for a place like this
The walls are cold and souls cry out in pain
An easy way for the blind to go
A clever path for the fools who know
The secret of the Hanged Man, the smile on his lips The light of the blind
You’ll see
The venom tears my spine
The Eyes of the Nile are opening
You’ll see She came to me with a serpent’s kiss
As the Eye of the Sun rose on her lips
Moonlight catches silver tears I cry
So we lay in a black embrace
And the seed is sown in a holy place
And I watched, and I waited for the dawnThe light of the blind
You’ll see
The venom that tears my spine
The Eyes of the Nile are opening
You’ll seeGoBind all of us together
Ablaze with hope and free
No storm or heavy weather
Will rock the boat you’ll see
The time has come to close your eyes
And still the wind and rain
For the one who will be king
Is the watcher in the ringIt is You, oh
It is You

Chapter 1: Am I evil?

Am I evil? That is a question that I had for my entire existence. Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. This thought started at a super early age for me, and it haunted me down, until I was 40 years old. Well, if I am honest, still does. Now the big question is why, and I hope you are ready to read, cause I am ready to talk.

Since an early age I was called evil for loving heavy metal, I heard many times and I said it here many times. What you didn’t know is that it felt like I was being crucified for my music taste. Because the minute I said I liked heavy metal I was automatic labeled as evil. As I said I was a sensitive kid, well I am a sensitive man. Now, why was I sensitive? Well, I had psychic abilities, very strong ones. I had a lot of deja-vus, intuitions, knowing things, and feeling things. What kid would not be get scared to say what he feels after being labeled evil from the get go. The worst part of all is being crucified without even hearing my side of the story. People assumed I was an anti-Christ, or this soulless person when people didn’t even knew what was going on, or even what I believed. So my fault was that I never said what I felt because of the fear of being evil.

Now, when Luke was born my sensibility came back up at the highest level. I have gotten him out of trouble so many times, and it was like I just knew it what to do. Lots of stories in my upcoming book. Crazy insane, I know, but true. I think there is a few stories during my 40 walk through the covid-420 that I mention some dots I connected . Ok, so now are you ready to talk about Jesus and God? LOL that is when it gets super interesting the story. Let’s go by part.

First of all, I had always believed that Jesus existed, he was a public figure for sure no doubt about it. I mean, people wrote a book about him. I just always believed the story was distorted, and I also knew that we don’t need Religion to connect with something higher. When Luke was born I went to do a Reiki session, and during this session guess who showed up in a form of vision? Well, if you guessed Jesus you are right. He paid me a visit. Not only once, but twice. The second time was in 2020 before before Amber was born on my meditation. Now you want to see where it gets even better? I not only seeing Jesus, but I also I saw Buddha, Krishna, and Lemmy (motorhead) and Chester (Linkin Park). I am not joking. Some people called channeling, I don’t know because I never intentionally tried, or learned, it just happened. Or this can simply be my fears, traumas and dreams in form of visualizations. All I know is that; as much as looney tunes as is sounds for you, it sounds for me as well.

Second, let’s talk about God. For me, it’s energy. You can only feel it, like love. You can only feel it and love is inclusive. Now, Religion with their so called fathers never really understood my love for music, they didn’t even tried to listen to my side of the story. Based on Religion we are all son’s of God and I was “different” and I was not included in his love due to my Love for the “devils song”. What kind of “father (priest)” is that, that can’t love a different child? Well what kind of love is that? I mean, they can only love you with a condition?

We usually have so many judgments about this type of music, and for the people that listen to it. The problem is that most people don’t even stop to listen to what they are singing about. Which a lot times those songs are a philosophical metaphor. Some people might not understand the metaphors, is ok. Is not for everyone, I get it. However those metaphors saved me and guided me my entire life, witch now makes sense with my “clairaudience mediumship.” Rock took me to a beautiful place called LOVE; and love is inclusive.

Well that is my biggest trauma, on my 40th birthday when I launched my very first punk song for kids I really thought that the my world was going to end if I did that. Fuck up, right? All this time I was afraid of being evil, just because of my love for Rock and Roll and because of my sensitivity that I couldn’t explain. Turns out, my sensitivity is a gift! Am I evil? Of course not! Does that makes me a better person? Hell no! However it does make me a bigger asshole since it proves my theory that the only way to escape hell is to “unlearn what you have learned”, so here we go:

  • Rock and Roll is good for the soul.
  • Punk is not dead, punk is Dad. Punk is the definition of love (inclusion).
  • Never grow up.
  • Weed is medicine, helps you understand and accept what you can’t control.
  • Coffee is medicine, to change the things you can control.
  • I honestly believe that the truth comes out in form of art. Because art it really touches your soul, and that many times causes crisis. I love crisis because it gets the best of us. Meaning you are the storm!

So, yeah LOVE ROCKS and I am a fool (or an asshole depends on the perspective), that believes in love; that decided to follow my childhood dream dreams; and a fool that learned about inclusion through punk rock. My friends used to sing to me, “we don’t need another hero”, (that was Rirou’s theme song when I was 8 years old) and is 100% right! We don’t need another hero, we need more PUNKS! I honestly believe is time to Religion do some shadow work, like Slayer said “Pay back is a bitch!” Conclusion fuck depression, let’s Rock! How? Simple, do what you want by making peace with your inner child and for that there is nothing better than music therapy. Join me and let’s rock this world!

Oh, and master Yoda, he is the man! Since I said the world is depress, and the big thing with depression is that most of us don’t even know we are depress. Solution? An inner child revolution! That is what I did! Anarchy with a discipline of an ironman!

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 17: Satan’s work is done

As I am writing my book with Marcone, my ghostwriter, he asked me if I had any plans for Halloween in 2020, since Halloween is a big deal in the house. For example, Luke was convinced on Halloween, and one year we made Luke’s chair an x-wing and last year we were a punk rock band where Luke was the drummer. Anyways, because 2020 is 2020, we didn’t go to any parties. I posted on my social media that this year I dressed up as an asshole as I usually do, meaning I was myself for Halloween. However, I didn’t lay low and I did a little something to celebrate. However, because is 2020 I decided to wait until Friday the 13th to announce what I did on Halloween.

First I must say that in the first chapter of my book I declare war to Religion, more precisely against the Catholic church which is the based of this shit. Well, is a philosophical war because the philosophical idea of Religion comes from Religare in latin, which means reconnect god and man. However, what religion does is disconnect us from ourselves by using fear. In my case Religion made me fear the only thing that made me human, my feelings! Which feelings are my spiritually, meaning my connection with own soul. Took me years to unlearn to not fear that, to be precise 33 years. The trauma is so deep that some days to write (I do all my notes handwritten) is physically painful. Even getting the guitar some days is hard, yes hello procrastination! During my 40 day walk through of the covid-420 I connected the dots in my life, and I planned my revenge. However, I was still fearful and in doubt if I should or shouldn’t do it, but when I held Amber, my second child, that was born 4 days before Halloween 2020 the fear melted away. At that moment I knew I had to proceed with the plan. I was being blessed again and the universe was telling me that I was ready!

Therefore on October 31st of 2020 I founded a Religion, Rock-it-ology Inc, which is based on my story, The Punkaste Prophecy. But wait, don’t I claim religion is child abuse? Well, remember I am a walking contradiction and yes, Religion is child abuse no doubt. However my Religion is not the same old story because is Punk and this Religion is hardwired to self-destruct. Like in a suicidal mission, to destruct Religion itself by exploding from the inside. You see, most Religions, teach us to find answers outside ourselves, when the answers are within; is just hard as fuck to go within. It’s actually painful, but at the same time the most liberating thing you can do. Ironic, right? Its like crossing a finish line of an ironman, you are in so much pain but extremely satisfied to have finished the hardest endurance race in the planet. Perhaps, life is the ironman of the universe, and boy about ironman, pain (physical and mental) and suicidal thoughts I have a PhD!

The reality is we are all disconnected but not from God, we are disconnected from ourselves and nature. So, yeah we do need to reconnect but not with god, but with ourselves. Which in the end it means the same thing. Ha! Don’t you love irony? Anyways, all this years all I wanted was to be heard before being judged as a Pothead, Punk, or Evil. The thing is Religion push me too far, and I got mad that I wasted years of pure joy. I am not here to teach you shit, I am not your savior, I am not your guru and I am definitely not Tony Robbins. I am an asshole but an asshole that faced his own trauma to regain my soul and connect my dots in life. My only goal is to be heard, and hopefully my story will motivate you to go within, facing your trauma and reclaiming your joy.

As a triathlon coach I always lead by example, and here is the same. That is why I decided to share how I am facing my trauma and finally learning all the iron maiden songs in the guitar. It’s painful sometimes, and I still cry like a baby. Yeah, I lost count how many times I cry listen to heavy metal. However, when I do that it cleanses my soul bringing me into a realm of joy! For me is not about the money, is about my soul, that is why I the only thing I am going to sell is the book because I am paying for it the ghostwriter help me write. I needed someone to help me because sometimes is too painful. Everything else is free because I really want to motivate others to escape hell and reconnect with themselves. The truth is, if we reconnect with ourselves Religion will be gone. We just need to reconnect with ourselves. Rock-it-ology Inc is non profit organization and the profits will be directed to mental health programs, nemaline myopathy research and advocating for real food, since diet is a big topic in my book.

So, Dear Pope, Satan’s work is done and I will leave the mark of the beast so considered this a check mate, better yet: Punkaste! Satan loves you. I am not Satan, but I became his best friend, and now I am raising hell!

Rirou

“Woe to you, oh Earth and sea, for the Devil sends the Beast with wrath
Because he knows the time is short
Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the Beast
For it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty six”I left alone my mind was blank
I needed time to think to get the memories from my mindWhat did I see can I believe that what I saw
That night was real and not just fantasyJust what I saw
In my old dreams were they reflections of my warped mind staring back at me’Cause in my dreams
It’s always there
The evil face that twists my mind and brings me to despair
YeahThe night was black was no use holding back
‘Cause I just had to see was someone watching me
In the mist dark figures move and twist
Was all this for real or some kind of hell
Six six six the number of the Beast
Hell and fire was spawned to be releasedTorches blazed and sacred chants were praised
As they start to cry hands held to the sky
In the night the fires burning bright
The ritual has begun Satan’s work is done
Six six six the number of the beast
Sacrifice is going on tonightThis can’t go on I must inform the law
Can this still be real or some crazy dream
But I feel drawn towards the chanting hordes
They seem to mesmerize me can’t avoid their eyes?
Six six six the number of the Beast
Six six six the one for you and meI’m coming back I will return
And I’ll possess your body and I’ll make you burn
I have the fire I have the force
I have the power to make my evil take it’s course

Chapter 15: Wildest Dream

This chapter is more like an open letter to my kids an idea that I got from my athlete, the guy who did the solo ironman. Which by the way, he did another one, can you believe it? That is pretty wild right? 3 ironmans in one year with 2 being solo. As his coach I told him, that is wild so let’s do it, because life is about following your dreams!

Back in at the of 2003 when I had my first real crisis I stopped to ask myself: what life was all about? That is when I heard the iron maiden song Wildest Dream. That was like a whisper in my ears like this “Joy is your birth right”. But what was my joy? I was so numb that I didn’t even know what my joy was, but I knew one thing, as a kid I wanted to be a professional athlete. Everyone told me it was impossible because I had no talent as a kid. And now, I was 260 pounds, drinking daily, and smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Would that be even possible to pursue such an wild dream? Well, I thought so.

That is when I felt in love with ironman and decided to pursue a kids dream. For me was more about the journey of becoming a pro athelte than actually winning. Yes I wanted to win, but that was not the main goal. The main goal was to find my joy in life, specially because I was not willing to do everything to win, such as drugs or drafting in a race. My thought was if I ever win anything needed to be clean. During my ironman years I started to question a lot of things, after all do you want a better therapy of hours and hours of exercise just you and yourself? Add metal and punk rock to the mix and we have the closest thing to a perfect therapy.

After awhile doing ironman and also doing therapy I started to find my real joy. I realized I had more kids dreams to fulfill and those dreams were much much deeper in my soul, because that I had to face a much bigger demon. As I learned in my ironmans, and told all my athletes, you need to face your demons. I also learned in my own experience that when you are in hell become friends with the devil, and that is what I did.

After 18 ironmans I realized it was time to move forward. When I asked my therapist what innerchild had to do with depression and she answered “everything “. I didn’t think twice, I knew it was time to complete heal my innerchild. It was time to pursue my other kids dreams which consist in:

  • Learn how to play all iron maiden songs in the guitar.
  • Learn how to sing.
  • Have my own talk show.
  • Write a book of my story.
  • Have a blog related to music.

For me was never about fame or money, was always about happiness. Happiness is about pursing a dream and following your heart. That day in 2003 I just choose to make a change towards my happiness. Success for me is about exceeding your own limitations, is going above of what you thought it was possible. You can shoot for the moon because if you miss you will land in the stars.

For me being a punk is about following your dreams, and choosing happiness over the same old story. After all joy is our birth right. In numerology 666 simply means:

666 the number of the beast for me is the greatest song ever created in human history, that’s why I starting with this one.

All that being said, what I want to teach my kids and hopefully other kids through music is to follow their dreams; and to choose love over fear.

Punkaste,

Rirou!

I’m gonna organize some changes in my life,
I’m gonna exorcise the demons of my past,
I’m gonna take the car and hit the open road,
I’m feeling ready to just open up and go And I just feel like I can be anything,
that I might ever wish to be,
and fantasize just what I want to to be,
make my wildest dreams come true I’m on my way.
Out on my own again I’m on my way out on the road again, When I remember back to how that things used to be,
and I was stuck inside a shroud of misery I felt I disappeared so deep inside my self
I couldn’t find a way to break away the hell When I’m feeling down and low,
I vow I’ll never be the same again,
I just remember what I am, and visualize what I’m gonna be, I’m on my way. Out on my own again,
I’m on my way, I’m gonna break away, I’m gonna break away, I’m out on my own,
I’m out on my own, gonna break away, breaking away, I’m on my way, out my own again,
I’m on my way, out on the road again, I’m on my way, out on my own again,
I’m on my way, I’m gonna break away,

Chewbacca Monday

A few years ago Rirou was tired of racing ironman and he felt the need to change and do something more meaningful. Rirou always heard that he had an ability to reinvent himself, even though is not really about reinventing himself, is more like a rebirth.

Rirou created this blog to share his journey with the hopes that might one day motivate someone. The whole idea of the blog is to talk about all aspects of life, specially mental health, music and fatherhood.

This week completes one year that Rirou joined school of rock to start learning a life time dream: Learn how to play the guitar and sing. Not only that, Rirou had an idea of creating punk rock songs for kids.

“It’s a rebirth” Rirou

Yes, is true Rirou transform himself. Well, he likes claim “it’s a rebirth”. On Saturday 6/13/20 the very first Rock-it-ology Punk rock song for kids got ready and Luke approved.

Rirou decided to launched his very first song next Sunday 06/21/20, his 40th birthday and father’s day. Stay tuned for the Rock-it-ology very first single this Sunday.

Speaking of father’s day, have you got your Rocker Dad shirt yet?

Also, check out the schedule of the blog in case you like the story.

Why chewbacca Monday? Well, it’s kind of motivation Monday, but since I stopped shaving my body I realized I have so much hair that I am like Chewbacca. Sorry is too much information, but its the reality.

Punkaste,

Rirou

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