Is not just because is a conspiracy, that we don’t have goals. I say we, because this conspiracy involves so much. I wasted 33 years of feeling shame, guilt, judgment and fear. It took me 3 innerchild revolutions to figure this out.
Now, I have so much creativity that I need to organize the band. Almost like Ironman training. In fact, now I have a schedule. Because if not the energy gets stuck. However, the more I do the more empowered I feel. So, here it is my conspiracy goals, after all, I am an ironman and I am my own super hero.
This shorts I got back in 2019 after at the end of my 50 pounds weight lost. Yeah, I gain quite a bit of weight after I retired from racing Ironman and becoming a Dad.
My last 2 years of racing I was getting burned out, and my health was declining. Part due to a vegan diet experience, other part from just the nature of the job. Training full time is not easy on the body. Anyways, with everything combined I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism in 2014.
Honestly, my diagnosis was a surprise because I really thought a vegan diet would make me healthier, but it was also a fire starter. I always had this idea of health being about mind, body and soul, and I knew that I was not healthy.
Fast forward to 2020 when covid-19 started I knew it I had to be at top shape with my health. Therefore I took a deep dive within to find the root of my trauma. Since, trauma is stored in the body, I thought: “accessing the root of my trauma will probably fix my Thyroid issues, because that’s where the trauma is stored in my body”. So, I did what I do best, followed my intuition and focus on the AIP (auto immune protocol, however I mainly did daily BBQs).
The thyroid is located at the throat chakra, and that was were my trauma was stuck. This chakra is related to self expression, therefore in order to heal my soul I needed to be as authentic as possible. That’s when this blog started to take shape, I wrote my book, and became a one man band with 2 YouTube channels. I also added some icing in the cake with a talk show, focus in talking about healing and music. And guess, what? I am off synthroid. It’s been already 3 months. Not only that, my therapist released me last week. Of course I schedule with her next month to discuss this, but boy, this is a big coincidence.
All I can say is, dreams can really guide you. It’s literally the story of my life. No more drugs! Again, weed is not a drug, I also use that for my soul, but not now. Soon.
Well, I said in my last post that my life js odd. My life is so odd because sometimes I think I am the only person in the planet that believes anger is a good thing. Well, maybe Johnny Rotten is right, anger an energy. I believe it is an energy and a good one. Don’t know about him, I recently got his book so we shall see. But I do believe is an energy and I believe is great if channelled properly.
I mean, I was here in my bean bag thinking: “man, writting a book and launching an album was so healing “. That’s when I realized I used all my anger into something beautiful. Because my book above all is a true love story. It’s raw, but it is. And my album, what can I say? Is what I truly wish is to you go follow your dreams. Just remember, it will be rock and roll.
Anyways, looking at my book and remembering the talk I had in my last podcast with Renata and Mateo. I realized, a lot was left out. I mean details of the battles of the ironmans. Those were golden years. Honestly, the internal battle of wanting to understand why I hated myself were intense. Good thing I like onions because it feel like onions, trauma have layers and layers and crying and crying until you get to the root.
I guess, I internalized my anger to not cry and I got numb, so numb that I couldn’t even feel myself. Well, like my first sponsor (my brother) said in the preface of my book, I choose brutally. I chose pain. That was my way out. I looked in the mirror and said ok, “don’t wanna say it, fine. We will fight like lions in a cage”. It felt like fight club 😁. Well, that’s how I found the root of the cause. It was too long to put in a song so I put in a book, however the first book because I think the details of the battles will be cool to be written.
Anyways, the best thing is that now I know how to feel up the cup in the soul level. You know that quote, right? You can’t pour from an empty cup. Now is like I am living lighter. Floating, instead of caring the world in my back. Sure is how it feels. I can see the difference in my entire life, I mean every body can. Well, spiritual trauma is that. It affects everything because the shit is deep. And the healing came from anger and picking a fight with the mirror. After all I didn’t look good naked.
Odd right? Maybe, I don’t know. Maybe there are way more people like me out there. Who knows. But I think is quite ironic the fact I am a reiki master and fan of anger. Anger is an energy and is a great one to initiate change. Helped me achieve dreams and overcome fears, and to find myself again. Feel whole and reconnect with my true self. There is no better feeling than feeling connected, and that feeling affects your surroundings.
Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup, and yes, today I do look good naked. Sure I look like Chewbacca but a feel like a twinkle twinkle little star. (I hope you are laughing as much as I am). I must say, save my soul with rock and roll and come back with a Philosophy based on anger it’s guite genius or insane. Who knows? Just, don’t mind the bollocks, but isn’t ironic?
Song from the piece of mind album and a song that has everything to do with my book, which is about dreams. After all, Punkaste is the book of Revelations.
I am Rirou the Punk! 