All the way up to this past new moon I was adjusting a lot of things, because the truth is I was filled with judgments of heaven, fear and shame. 3 simple bad energies but they are strong enough to keep you in the dark. I say this because the truth is my belief system (what I learned as truth – matrix) lied to me my entire life. It was echoing in my mind this over and over again, like this:
-Skateboarding is a crime. -Rock and roll is evil. -Marijuana is bad medicine. -My sense of fashion was bad. -My attitude was bad. -My food choice were bad. -My connection was spiritual practices were witchcraft.
Yeah I was naive and believed that until I was 40 years old. They were all my love, and my love was bad, but isn’t love the best medicine? For years, I was confused but in 2012 things started to change and got super intense in 2020 and I became aware of those energies stringes that held me back and how they affected me.
After this new moon and a thunderstruck moment (ah-ha moment) in therapy, I am finally feel ready. So, in honor of the 38 years of Iron maiden Piece of mind (there is a very special connection in my book with this album me and Luke) album release this day may 16th 1983, I can say I am ready to give the Roman Catholic Church a piece of my mind with Punkaste Witness, you know a bad religion to compete, and go on with my conspiracy of one with the Rock-it-ology Television, which is kind of a Blipi but Punk, teaching kids about skateboarding and rock and roll. I was already doing, but it’s much easier to do without fear, judments and shame. Meaning, out of the darkness and into the light where the energy flows intead of paralyzing you.
Punkaste, light honest and dignity with a sparkling of fuck you! I never wanted more than I could fit it my head. But this looks like a job for me, cause we need a little controversy, and I ready to go where eagles dare…
When I first step on a stage exclusively to sing a song I was almost 40 years old. Not going to lie, I was nervous as fuck of course because any artist would be, the same way I was nervous for all my ironmans. However this time was different, I was in fear. Fear because all of that had a meaning to me, like a metaphor. But thanks to weed, I able to chill and thanks to coffee I had the energy to do it as well. Which by that way, I just learned this is called Hippie speed ball! LOL!
The metaphor is simple, singing represents gaining my voice. So, in a way that show was my step out of depression something I have been dealing with for a long time now. Something that started around 7 years old with guilt, that I carried for years without even realizing. Anyways, that is a long story that became a book. Now, there is a sentence in the song I sang “all apologies by nirvana ” that really touch my soul: “Everything is my fault”. That explains everything in depression, at least in my depression. For ages, I really thought everything was my fault, and I never even had a chance to defend myself. I had no voice, I couldn’t speak, I was afraid of speaking. Now, I can recognize and deal with it using my “voice”. So yeah, that was a huge night for me, and I was only able to do so because I am a punk.
I have so many reasons why I needed to step in that stage and rock. Truth being said I was only able to do so because I am a punk and that is why I teach my kids to be punks. Funny thing is, when I said that only a few people got it because nobody really know what it means to be a punk.
First, being a punk is about being authentic, being true to yourself and embracing who you truly are. Quite simple!
Second, is about following your dreams. Nothing to do with money, I mean your real dreams, you know, the dreams of your heart. That sparkle of light that we all have inside. That something that makes your soul light up! (Note: sometimes might be a real dream)
Third, being a punk is recognizing that we are all souls. I mean we are very similar in the biological level, however in the soul level we are all unique. We all have something to learn and something to teach in this life.
Now you just have to keep in mind is that life will challenge you no matter what, so you can either enjoy the ride by following your dreams (heart) or you can make the challenge of life miserably challenging. I choose to follow my dreams. For example, I have been wanting to do my philosophical YouTube channel show but never had the balls, so this week I finally launched the coffee with weed talk show. I talk show with myself, you know, when you need an expert opinion you have to ask yourself.
The best part is that the show is in English and Portuguese, just like the punk rock songs for kids. Therefore today I am launching my cover song in Portuguese called a barata (the cockroach).
So be a Punk, ambrase your assholeness and shine were the light doesn’t shine. I choose religion for many reasons, but most because they are the first ones to fail in reconize souls and our uniqueness. Ironic, right? Because they sure preach about it, but actions speaks lauder than words.
For years I believe I was doom for a life of surfering and pain. For real, was a feeling that I couldn’t enjoy life, and if I did I would be punished. Everything that gave me joy was going to be the end of the world. Like, everything was my fault. Heavy metal thought me that the easy way out, ending life, was not an option.
Yes, it’s true, the feeling was that I was wicked. Like in my dreams is it was always there, demons faces saying I couldn’t enjoy life. I didn’t know what those demons were until I picked up the guitar to play at 39 years old. Not only that, it only started to make sense on my 40th birthday! That’s when I realized I was battling my own existence.
At age of 39 is when I told my wife, I wanted to be the one who stays home with the kids and learn music. Not only because I didn’t want to work. I mean I don’t want to work, because the truth I can’t have a boss. I think from all the bosses that I had, there is a very few that I didn’t say fuck off. Me out there is a menace to society. It’s true, cause I have an attitude and I know how to use it, like the guy from office space. The scene where the guy from office space, says fuck off and got promoted actually happened in my life a few times. Or that scene with George Costanza, when he does everything the opposite way. Anyways, I said I want to stay home and say fuck you to the Pope and rock. I also wanted to stay home mostly because Luke is as sensitive, if not more than I am, and now Amber. She is also super sensitive.
Scaping hell (depression) is about learning about my sensitivity and using, and as I do that I want to teach my kids how to use their strength in life, after all my sensitivity is my strength. This way the story won’t repeat itself. The crazy thing is as a sensitive person I became very angry inside due to not exploring my sensitivity, and swallowing my feelings. Didn’t look like I was an angry person because like the movie Anger Management he says there are 2 kinds of people: the one who explodes and the one who listened quietly day after day. Well, I am/was the one who listened day after day. Felt like I was grounded for 33 years.
Hell and fire was spawned to be released and that’s when the other day I made the video of saying fuck you to the Pope. As I released all this anger in form of art I noticed that things actually started to workout in my life, and the paranoia is gone. Things are no longer heavy and the energy is flowing. Not only that, by doing this, it creates a positive effect in the people around me, my family. Maybe not the devoted catholics since my story make them uncomfortable, but it’s what they say, life begins at the end of the confort zone.
Now I planned to release my first kids song in portuguese this week, however since we are moving (we got a house, see how choosing love/joy things workout?), I decided to wait and record the video in the new house. I believe this will have a much deeper meaning. Because the reality is, on January 20th, Saint Sebastian day the Padron of my hometown (Rio de Janeiro, Brasil) we bought our first home. That day was when the world turned around for me, that day was the day I realized I was not doomed, and I finally found my place under the sun. Yeah, I escaped hell, and it felt like a slapt in the face of destiny. Well, maybe not a slapt, but more like a mooning to destiny. I always loved mooning LOL.
I had the inspiration for this song while dancing with Luke as I scream “Eeee Punkcarena!” while we dance. Luke of course laugh his ass off. Also, Luke finds this song very inspirational, and on the Macarena version by Elmo he says and I quote “Maybe one day Elmo will have a song named after him”, so I didn’t think twice, I made a song for our family inspired by Luke. Punkcarena simply means enjoy life, kind of hakuna matata but punk, because the reality is Luke has an incredible joy for life. I made a family song because my family is punk af! For a little bit I thought the song was not going to come out, but Jared made his magic with the drums and here we are. This song I made in Spanish even not being my first language, however Spanish is the Pope first language, so he has no excuse to understand. So here it is Pinche Pendejo vossa Santidade Papa, El Rock Punkcarena!
As I am writing my book with Marcone, my ghostwriter, he asked me if I had any plans for Halloween in 2020, since Halloween is a big deal in the house. For example, Luke was convinced on Halloween, and one year we made Luke’s chair an x-wing and last year we were a punk rock band where Luke was the drummer. Anyways, because 2020 is 2020, we didn’t go to any parties. I posted on my social media that this year I dressed up as an asshole as I usually do, meaning I was myself for Halloween. However, I didn’t lay low and I did a little something to celebrate. However, because is 2020 I decided to wait until Friday the 13th to announce what I did on Halloween.
First I must say that in the first chapter of my book I declare war to Religion, more precisely against the Catholic church which is the based of this shit. Well, is a philosophical war because the philosophical idea of Religion comes from Religare in latin, which means reconnect god and man. However, what religion does is disconnect us from ourselves by using fear. In my case Religion made me fear the only thing that made me human, my feelings! Which feelings are my spiritually, meaning my connection with own soul. Took me years to unlearn to not fear that, to be precise 33 years. The trauma is so deep that some days to write (I do all my notes handwritten) is physically painful. Even getting the guitar some days is hard, yes hello procrastination! During my 40 day walk through of the covid-420 I connected the dots in my life, and I planned my revenge. However, I was still fearful and in doubt if I should or shouldn’t do it, but when I held Amber, my second child, that was born 4 days before Halloween 2020 the fear melted away. At that moment I knew I had to proceed with the plan. I was being blessed again and the universe was telling me that I was ready!
Therefore on October 31st of 2020 I founded a Religion, Rock-it-ology Inc, which is based on my story, The Punkaste Prophecy. But wait, don’t I claim religion is child abuse? Well, remember I am a walking contradiction and yes, Religion is child abuse no doubt. However my Religion is not the same old story because is Punk and this Religion is hardwired to self-destruct. Like in a suicidal mission, to destruct Religion itself by exploding from the inside. You see, most Religions, teach us to find answers outside ourselves, when the answers are within; is just hard as fuck to go within. It’s actually painful, but at the same time the most liberating thing you can do. Ironic, right? Its like crossing a finish line of an ironman, you are in so much pain but extremely satisfied to have finished the hardest endurance race in the planet. Perhaps, life is the ironman of the universe, and boy about ironman, pain (physical and mental) and suicidal thoughts I have a PhD!
The reality is we are all disconnected but not from God, we are disconnected from ourselves and nature. So, yeah we do need to reconnect but not with god, but with ourselves. Which in the end it means the same thing. Ha! Don’t you love irony? Anyways, all this years all I wanted was to be heard before being judged as a Pothead, Punk, or Evil. The thing is Religion push me too far, and I got mad that I wasted years of pure joy. I am not here to teach you shit, I am not your savior, I am not your guru and I am definitely not Tony Robbins. I am an asshole but an asshole that faced his own trauma to regain my soul and connect my dots in life. My only goal is to be heard, and hopefully my story will motivate you to go within, facing your trauma and reclaiming your joy.
As a triathlon coach I always lead by example, and here is the same. That is why I decided to share how I am facing my trauma and finally learning all the iron maiden songs in the guitar. It’s painful sometimes, and I still cry like a baby. Yeah, I lost count how many times I cry listen to heavy metal. However, when I do that it cleanses my soul bringing me into a realm of joy! For me is not about the money, is about my soul, that is why I the only thing I am going to sell is the book because I am paying for it the ghostwriter help me write. I needed someone to help me because sometimes is too painful. Everything else is free because I really want to motivate others to escape hell and reconnect with themselves. The truth is, if we reconnect with ourselves Religion will be gone. We just need to reconnect with ourselves. Rock-it-ology Inc is non profit organization and the profits will be directed to mental health programs, nemaline myopathy research and advocating for real food, since diet is a big topic in my book.
So, Dear Pope, Satan’s work is done and I will leave the mark of the beast so considered this a check mate, better yet: Punkaste! Satan loves you. I am not Satan, but I became his best friend, and now I am raising hell!
“Woe to you, oh Earth and sea, for the Devil sends the Beast with wrath Because he knows the time is short Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the Beast For it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty six”I left alone my mind was blank I needed time to think to get the memories from my mindWhat did I see can I believe that what I saw That night was real and not just fantasyJust what I saw In my old dreams were they reflections of my warped mind staring back at me’Cause in my dreams It’s always there The evil face that twists my mind and brings me to despair YeahThe night was black was no use holding back ‘Cause I just had to see was someone watching me In the mist dark figures move and twist Was all this for real or some kind of hell Six six six the number of the Beast Hell and fire was spawned to be releasedTorches blazed and sacred chants were praised As they start to cry hands held to the sky In the night the fires burning bright The ritual has begun Satan’s work is done Six six six the number of the beast Sacrifice is going on tonightThis can’t go on I must inform the law Can this still be real or some crazy dream But I feel drawn towards the chanting hordes They seem to mesmerize me can’t avoid their eyes? Six six six the number of the Beast Six six six the one for you and meI’m coming back I will return And I’ll possess your body and I’ll make you burn I have the fire I have the force I have the power to make my evil take it’s course