Chapter 3: Love Rocks!

I am Rirou the Punk, and I declare December 21st 2020, The Official Punkaste Day!

During this 4 years and 6 month since Luke was born, I confirmed what I already knew it: The way out of depression is with joy and purpose. 2020 is the year where I turned 40 and also the year I connected the dots in my life, marking this a rebirth. I picked this day for many reasons, but mainly is that I was in Brazil on the winter solstice the darkest day of the year. Therefore it makes sense to do this on the darkest day of the year the place I made my home. Well, this time is the darkest day of the year but with a huge light in the sky! Coincidence?

Sarcasm apart, I did connect the dots in 2020. After, I went to that full moon drum circle where I heard about the my possible mediumship, I finally started to talk more about that in my therapy sessions. That is when my therapist told me to go talk to her friend, Leslie the Good Witch. This is when things started to get interesting. So, I went to see her and we talk over 1 hour between tarot cards, astral maps and singing bowls. After the session she gave me a copy of The Celestine Prophecy book, and said “I was guided to give this book to you”. Anyways, life got crazy and I didn’t read the book until 2020 happened.

The other day the book pop up in my mind when I was passing by the office. I mean, it caught my attention and that same day I was talking to a childhood friend, and famous psychiatrist in Brazil, about religion and spirituality. That day I explained to him what I felt in my meditations, so it was a deep conversation. 2 days later YouTube suggested me The Celestine prophecy, so I thought “I guess is time to either read or watch the movie.” Well, I pressed play and boy, the movie is exactly the feeling I described to my friend. That feeling is the same one I get with music.

Now to add to it, in one of my talks with Leslie in 2020 she told me, “I am pretty sure you are an indigo child“. Well, I knew that since 2012, so she just confirmed me. Some people claim that indigo children have a collective purpose as well as personal one. Since I have always being attracted to this exoteric world, so it was super easy to go look it up indigo child purpose on the internet. I found a few things, including exercises that helps connect the dots, and that is when I found my joy, purpose and talents. Well, one of my talents is transform kids songs into punk rock songs which leads me to the mission of building an army of punk rockers. Divine intervention?

Genius or Insane I still don’t know, all I know all this stuff really happened and made my life make sense. Also, I was born with an artistic mind. Both of them explains my sensitivity in different ways. All I know is that I have tremendous joy in listening and doing music, that is how my love comes out. I also know that when I do that I can spread that love to my family being a present husband and Dad… and Nothing Else really Matters after that! Well, it actually does matter because Love is contagious and Love rocks, and I believe in Love!

I feel like a villain, like Drew from Minions, that can transform kids songs into punk rock. The difference in cartoons is that nothing works out for the villain, when for me is the opposite, when I embraced that side of mine, I started to heal myself!

Punkaste,

Rirou

In English

In Portuguese:

Itsy Bitsy spider punk

I had the idea of this song while doing the air guitar dance for Luke after reading itsy bitsy spider by Pete the cat. The air guitar dance is just like the official video of the song. Yeah I dance like that! I added to the lyrics that she is never giving up because is how I feel about us, and what says in the book, meaning we are never giving up our birth right witch is joy! Here it is, Itsy bitsy spider Punk version:

Here is the book of Punk Rock ABC, called My very first Punk book made it buy HEcreative!

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 1: Am I evil?

Am I evil? That is a question that I had for my entire existence. Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. This thought started at a super early age for me, and it haunted me down, until I was 40 years old. Well, if I am honest, still does. Now the big question is why, and I hope you are ready to read, cause I am ready to talk.

Since an early age I was called evil for loving heavy metal, I heard many times and I said it here many times. What you didn’t know is that it felt like I was being crucified for my music taste. Because the minute I said I liked heavy metal I was automatic labeled as evil. As I said I was a sensitive kid, well I am a sensitive man. Now, why was I sensitive? Well, I had psychic abilities, very strong ones. I had a lot of deja-vus, intuitions, knowing things, and feeling things. What kid would not be get scared to say what he feels after being labeled evil from the get go. The worst part of all is being crucified without even hearing my side of the story. People assumed I was an anti-Christ, or this soulless person when people didn’t even knew what was going on, or even what I believed. So my fault was that I never said what I felt because of the fear of being evil.

Now, when Luke was born my sensibility came back up at the highest level. I have gotten him out of trouble so many times, and it was like I just knew it what to do. Lots of stories in my upcoming book. Crazy insane, I know, but true. I think there is a few stories during my 40 walk through the covid-420 that I mention some dots I connected . Ok, so now are you ready to talk about Jesus and God? LOL that is when it gets super interesting the story. Let’s go by part.

First of all, I had always believed that Jesus existed, he was a public figure for sure no doubt about it. I mean, people wrote a book about him. I just always believed the story was distorted, and I also knew that we don’t need Religion to connect with something higher. When Luke was born I went to do a Reiki session, and during this session guess who showed up in a form of vision? Well, if you guessed Jesus you are right. He paid me a visit. Not only once, but twice. The second time was in 2020 before before Amber was born on my meditation. Now you want to see where it gets even better? I not only seeing Jesus, but I also I saw Buddha, Krishna, and Lemmy (motorhead) and Chester (Linkin Park). I am not joking. Some people called channeling, I don’t know because I never intentionally tried, or learned, it just happened. Or this can simply be my fears, traumas and dreams in form of visualizations. All I know is that; as much as looney tunes as is sounds for you, it sounds for me as well.

Second, let’s talk about God. For me, it’s energy. You can only feel it, like love. You can only feel it and love is inclusive. Now, Religion with their so called fathers never really understood my love for music, they didn’t even tried to listen to my side of the story. Based on Religion we are all son’s of God and I was “different” and I was not included in his love due to my Love for the “devils song”. What kind of “father (priest)” is that, that can’t love a different child? Well what kind of love is that? I mean, they can only love you with a condition?

We usually have so many judgments about this type of music, and for the people that listen to it. The problem is that most people don’t even stop to listen to what they are singing about. Which a lot times those songs are a philosophical metaphor. Some people might not understand the metaphors, is ok. Is not for everyone, I get it. However those metaphors saved me and guided me my entire life, witch now makes sense with my “clairaudience mediumship.” Rock took me to a beautiful place called LOVE; and love is inclusive.

Well that is my biggest trauma, on my 40th birthday when I launched my very first punk song for kids I really thought that the my world was going to end if I did that. Fuck up, right? All this time I was afraid of being evil, just because of my love for Rock and Roll and because of my sensitivity that I couldn’t explain. Turns out, my sensitivity is a gift! Am I evil? Of course not! Does that makes me a better person? Hell no! However it does make me a bigger asshole since it proves my theory that the only way to escape hell is to “unlearn what you have learned”, so here we go:

  • Rock and Roll is good for the soul.
  • Punk is not dead, punk is Dad. Punk is the definition of love (inclusion).
  • Never grow up.
  • Weed is medicine, helps you understand and accept what you can’t control.
  • Coffee is medicine, to change the things you can control.
  • I honestly believe that the truth comes out in form of art. Because art it really touches your soul, and that many times causes crisis. I love crisis because it gets the best of us. Meaning you are the storm!

So, yeah LOVE ROCKS and I am a fool (or an asshole depends on the perspective), that believes in love; that decided to follow my childhood dream dreams; and a fool that learned about inclusion through punk rock. My friends used to sing to me, “we don’t need another hero”, (that was Rirou’s theme song when I was 8 years old) and is 100% right! We don’t need another hero, we need more PUNKS! I honestly believe is time to Religion do some shadow work, like Slayer said “Pay back is a bitch!” Conclusion fuck depression, let’s Rock! How? Simple, do what you want by making peace with your inner child and for that there is nothing better than music therapy. Join me and let’s rock this world!

Oh, and master Yoda, he is the man! Since I said the world is depress, and the big thing with depression is that most of us don’t even know we are depress. Solution? An inner child revolution! That is what I did! Anarchy with a discipline of an ironman!

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 11: Never mind the bollocks!

June 19th 2019, 2 days before my 39th birthday, 2 days before international yoga day and 2 days before summer solstice. It was night time I was driving back from therapy crying my eyes out as usual when I decided to break the biggest habit of my life: Feeling like shit and unworthy!

I stopped at School of Rock, got class information and adult band program information. Doing that finally felt like myself again after years of therapy. I knew what the issue was and what I needed to do, now I needed to do it. The easiest way to explain is like I was cage and now I was free and learning but I needed to learn how to fly again. That is how depression felt for me, felt like you are suffocated, or caged.

In December of 2019 I went to Sao Paulo to see my Dad, and during that visit I had some interesting conversations that all included Religion. Some conversations got heated, to a point someone said “Oh you got traumatized”, and then I said for the first time “yes, I got traumatized” which was followed by an awkward silence. I honestly I couldn’t believe it was 2019 and nothing has changed. The judgments were still there, stronger than ever, almost like is imprinted in your subconscious.

Now, I must say, I could have done what I usually did, be quiet, not say a word, and swallow my feelings. However, now I know the damage that holding it in does, and this time was different, my inner punk is awaken and ready to fight, at least put voice out there. Why? Because is not about me, is about my kids and the kind of world I want to leave for them. Plus, I not going to sell my soul. So, I broke another habit and once I went back home, we decided not to put a Christmas tree (Best holiday ever!). I mean, the 3 years we put Luke did not care about the tree. Plus, what that teaches my kids? To spend tons of money? waste time putting up and down? That Santa Clause only give kids present to the kids that can afford to buy? That only “good” kids deserve toys? I want teach my kids to listen to their hearts, trust their feelings and have good family time (staying in the now) and for that you don’t need a holiday, a tree or even a fucking reason.

The problem is not the belief itself, the problem is believing you are better because of your belief. As far as I am concerned we are all humans living by the same laws of the universe (life, death, gravity etc). I mean you can believe in whatever the hell you want, but that believe can’t harm others.

I have always believed in the force, the life force, which is something you find a lot in Yoga and Reiki, you just need to be alive to have it. This force gets more powerful with love, and love is inclusive. Punkaste is my prophecy. The punk side is totally inspired by Bad Religion, Sex Pistols, Green Day, Ramones, Pennywise, The Offspring and much more. The aste side is totally inspired by Motorhead, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Judas Priest, and more, which is teaching kids how not to sell their soul and possibly motivate others to look within and get out of the depression matrix. My punk side is picking a fight with Religion, and my aste (my sensitive side) is teaching kids about inclusion, skateboarding, and fast and loud songs. Yes, I found my why in life, I now know why I exist. I am a glitch in the matrix! Again, fuck depression let’s Rock. Oh and fuck Religion too, that is child abuse! Save our children!

Punkaste,

Rirou

Check out the new videos:

This song was the song that I learned about punk rock back in 1995. A very special song that helped me a lot during that time.
First skateboarding lesson for kids!
I am yoga book by Susan Verde

Chapter 10: Now what?

Do you know the greatest difficulty of depression? Is to be seen. When I first starting doing therapy I didn’t know how big of a shit I was in. I knew it was big, but no idea it was that big. That is what she said by the way.

Here is the thing, what makes us humans is our emotions and our ability to feel it and express. When I first started therapy I knew something was wrong, and hearing that I was depressed meant nothing, because I was emotionally numb. Therefore, I need to learn how to feel and learn my emotions again. Once I did that I started to understand how big the shit was.

Once I accepted that I was depressed I realized that it was about my existence, my feelings. Just like the song walking contradiction; “I have no belief but I believe I am walking contradiction and I have no right.” That is how it felt, like I had no right to feel how I felt, not even if was causing me harm. Now what makes it harder is when you finally accept and tell people you were depressed most people think is bullshit. They think that because is something invisible and in my case I was a good actor pretending everything was fine. Kind of like on that movie Anger Management with Adam Sandler.

Now the opposite of Anger is Joy and there is nothing more fun than learn and play these songs. I believe that feelings are our super power as humans, because they guide us and life is how you feel. So, now that I got my power back I can say “Don’t fuck with my feelings”. Learning how to sing, play, write (blog and book), write punk songs for kids is such a big metaphor for me, like I am gaining really gaining my super powers back (voice). That feels really good, like I can finally love myself and rise out of the depression that I was in for a long time. Like the Religious heaven boring and all the same and what is worst, in a bad neighborhood since you need to go through the gates of heaven.

Now is time to raise hell because isn’t a bad place, and now that I got my power back nobody messes with my feelings, neither with my kids feelings. Not even God (per Religion), because the truth is people might never understand how music makes me feel, the same way on how marijuana doesn’t numb my feelings it just amplifies, the same way music does. Now, I don’t give a shit of what people think. However, I do care about children that is why is important to teach them not to sell their soul.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Listen up here, I’ll make it quite clear
I’m gonna put some boogie in your ear
Shake and bop, don’t you stop
Dance like a maniac until you drop I don’t mind, I don’t mind
I can run a razor right up your spine
What are you waiting for?
What do you think you were created for? Show us, you care, show us you dare
You don’t know what happened if you weren’t there Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Voodoo medicine, cast my spell
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Play that guitar just like ringin’ a bell Take it or leave it Going for broke, rock ’til you choke
It don’t matter if you drink or smoke
Speak through the beat, get up on your feet
Sweating like a hound dog, white as a sheetDon’t you be scared, don’t you be scared
Everybody terrified, it don’t seem fair
What are you waiting for?
What do you think you were creating for Out of your seat, blind in the heat
Do the nasty boogie mama, stomp your feet Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Go back to zero, take a pill and get well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Be a good soldier and die where you fell Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Go on out and boogie ’cause you never can tell Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Be a good soldier and die where you fell
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well

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