Chapter 8: God hate us all!

I should have said long time ago. I have been holding for 33 years, well maybe more since I was baptize without consent at 3 months old, and that cause me a lot of issues. But it’s 2020 and mars is in retrograde, what better time then now to put it all out? I mean, mars the God of war, what better time than pick a war with Religion? Time is here, the time is now!

Now, let’s go to the by parts. I heard my entire life, that I was going to hell for listening to metal/punk rock. Yes, even in 2020 I heard it. Anyways, I have always loved the sound of a distorted guitar, since a very young age. Something that started when I was around 3 years old when I fell in love with iron maiden. After that my story with Religion and their so called God just started to get really complicated. I got angry because I loved the music, however according to them my LOVE for music was going to gonna make my soul burn for eternity.

On top of that I was having trouble emotionally, the old story of “Boys don’t cry”, and as I kid I cried a lot, until I learned to not show my emotions, around 7 years old. Well that became a perfect mind fuck because I simply stopped expressing them and became numb. For years, I debated my own existence. I have had many suicidal thoughts, I hit myself in the head many times, but the “devils music” was the only thing that kept me going. I can honestly say that my LOVE for music is the reason I am here today writing this blog post. I mean, the shit is deep but so deep that I am finally putting into a book, me and my ghost writer.

Now, how come something that brings joy and love to someone to a point that can save his life, can be evil? At the same time, how can something that is suppose to be about love, unity as what Religion claims as God is, can so exclusive and conditional? Makes no sense to me, at least now that I am 40 years old with a child and a second one coming and 16 years of therapy. But my inner child did not know that. He believed in the grown ups, that were telling him that hell was waiting for me.

I believe in love and unity after all we are all humans and we all have to obey by the law of the universe. Yeah, love is love but I must say I draw the line on pedophilia, that is pure evil. Which by the way is Religion biggest talent. Now, my son likes AC/DC as well and he loves fast and loud songs and to add he has a wheelchair: What that has to do with this? Simple, Religious buildings are not require follow ADA laws, meaning besides not paying taxes they do not need to accessible. That is not love, that is hate and separation.

You may say I am the devil, I wouldn’t say no. However, I am not the enemy, and no I am not the anti-Christ, and if you asked me I would say that he existed, and probably was one of the greatest punk. Some theories says he used cannabis oil to make some of his miracles which makes even more punk. He knew it about love, so did Buddha and many others. However, they are not here to fix this shit.

My inner kid learned to suppress his emotions and after a lot of work to unlearn that, now is time to heal my inner child. My healing is to play and sing all my “Religious” song, create punk rock song for kids, and use the devils lettuce (marijuana) to help my healing. Because I don’t want to be angry anymore, neither pass this to my kids, the cycle needs to break. Like I heard before “Trauma is not my fault, however healing is your responsibility.” That is why I separate both channels, where “Rock-it-ology” is where I teach kids about punk rock and; “Dad is a punk” where my inner child plays my favorite Religious songs but now the air guitar is a real one! Like I said before, if I am going to hell mine as well be first class!

By the way, Religion owes me around 50000 for therapy, but is not about money. It’s about my soul, and protecting my children from child abuse.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter tittle inspired by Slayer album “God hates us all” and here is my favorite song from that album and the lyrics.

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocrisy
I’ll instigate I’ll free your mind
I’ll show you what I’ve known all this time God hates us all, God hates us all
You know it’s true God hates this place
You know it’s true he hates this race Homicide-suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answeredGod hates us all, God hates us all
God hates us all, God hates us all
Yeah, he fuckin’ hates me

Pessimist, terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I’m waiting for the day the whole world fucking diesI never said I wanted to be God’s disciple
I’ll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin’ same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can’t ignore what I say
I got my own philosophyI hate everyone equally
You can’t tear that out of me
No segregation separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God’s disciple
I’ll never be the one to blindly follow
I’ll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ place

Chapter 7: The punk in me honors the punk you

The day of this picture was the day my eyes open after Luke was born. I mean, I was blind for awhile due to the light Luke brought to me. That day was also the same day Luke opened his eyes physically also the day he flipped everybody off. I mean he was on planet earth for 19 days and all we did was test after test to figure it out what was going on. That was the day things started to change and I understood as: He is fine, he just needs love like any other child in the world.

From that point on my wife and I said enough testing, let’s just wait for more results to come and start seeing what we need to do take him home, taking him out to see the sun, take him to the beach, take him skateboarding, start living in general. We started to work on getting out of the hospital. In other words, we said let him shine and see what support he needs.

Feeling that Luke was fine helped me keep going within and keep working on my healing, he actually speed up the process. That was my promise to myself, I did not want to pass on my baggage to my kids. Luckily, that was not my first transformation, so I knew what I needed to do. In order to change anything you must first destroy the old and that is what I did, something I call anarchy with a discipline of an ironman. I didn’t think twice, and I decided to fully retire form racing and only coach. That felt really good.

I started to build the new or what I thought was the new, but the universe was sending me another way and little by little I started to lose my clients. Until one day my coaching deal with LA Fitness ended out of nowhere. So, we decided to move to Colorado. I tried a to do the same old story, go back to school but that was not it either. I was still confused, so I found a therapist in Colorado and restarted my therapy sessions.

This time therapy were really intense, since I was getting into the core of the issue of my depression. I mean, up to know I have used physical pain (ironman), and it help however it was not healing. I was just a slave of pain. For me, all we need is Love, so I needed to Love myself and that means embrace and accept my inner punk. I knew what I needed to do was to heal my inner child, I was still angry inside. For me that was only one option: I needed to make that air guitar become real. I needed learn how to play my favorite songs in the guitar, that was my goal when I got the guitar before Luke was born. Yeah, those same songs that I always heard it was taking me to hell.

I started to play and since I always wanted to do some non-profit and something the brings change, I was looking for something that could unite both. With time my mission started to make sense, and again the universe made his move and put me in inside a preschool classroom. I did the first year of preschool with Luke as his nurse cause she quit in the 1st month. There I realized that kids are naturally born punks, they know about love and unity. I mean, seen how Luke rocks and keep asking for fast songs, and seen kids in preschool I am sure kids are born punks! Therefore, we just need to teach them not to sell their soul and embrace their inner punk.

The more I meditate the more insane I become, and I know that I need to fulfill my destiny. I decided to turn my anger into something nice. I realize that if I use the enemy (rock) and start them early I could raise an army of punks. An army of love, and love you know, spreads like fire. Therefore, I could make a real change in world while healing myself. As I learn how to play my favorite “Religious” songs they inspire me to create Punk Rock songs for kids. This way I can change the world one kid at the time…. Some might enjoy, some might not, but remember it’s okay to be different, and love is love.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 3 – The punk awakens

February 22nd of 2016 I completed 1000 days and I was officially injured for the first time in 13 years. That day was a Monday and after I tried to run I went to therapy. My therapist asked me, what you really want? I responded “I want to change the world”. She looked to me and said “you can start with kids, that is the best way to change the world but guess what? Our time was over for today”. That got stuck in my head. Anyways, I got in the car and went to the doctor to check my neck with that sentence in my head. I wanted to change, and I needed to change. My soul was screaming!

Some people say that the soul of the baby incarnated around the 12 to 16 weeks of the pregnancy, and that was happening right about that time. Everything was changing, my relationship with professional sports(in general), my business and with myself. Fatherhood really makes you think what you gonna teach your, and that is when things started to get interesting, because Luke was awakening the punk inside of me.

Since I was not training much I started to paddle-boarding since it was good for my neck, and also spending time in the ocean was helping connect with my soul again. The moment you get pregnant you step in to a huge matrix and you start hearing all kinds of things. My favorites were things like “Luke is gonna be a great athlete”, “you have to baptize him” or “you not gonna teach him the devils music”. My response was always one and very punk: “He is gonna be whatever the fuck he wants and needs to be”. Based on that you can have the idea of what my response will be for the other questions. For me we are all unique therefore Luke will be LUKE.

I kept doing my therapies, paddle-boarding coaching and things were changing fast. My projects with triathlon were not going forward at all. I tried to more with fitness stuff besides just triathlon and it was not working either. It was like the universe was telling me “yo, that is not the way to go bro”.

During this time I created an email for Luke to write about the preparation for his birth. I believe that connection between Dad and kids starts in the belly just like the moms, however in a different way. I talked to him a lot and lot of talking energetically with the emails.

Anyways, the connection was only growing and I was more and more awake. A few weeks before Luke was born my wife gave me a guitar for my birthday, and 4 weeks later we were heading to the hospital to receive Luke. Dark Vader mask was ready, and also a playlist for the birth.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Day 34 of 40 – The thin line between love and hate

Wednesday April 15th, Rirou woke up that day thinking what he was going to talk in therapy. Rirou had gone to therapy last week and he thought he didn’t have much to talk about it, so the day went by as usual.

About one year ago Rirou arrived home from therapy and for the first time he was in a good mood after a therapy session. He arrived with his air guitar with the best “Angus Young” moves he knows. That is Rirou’s trademark at home, the “Angus Young” air guitar. Of course everyone looked confused, so he looked to the family and “I found my calling I joined a band”. They look even more confused because he did not know how to play the guitar neither how to sing. Maybe it is a midlife crisis after all. But Rirou completed, don’t worry is a school of Rock program, I gonna learn how to play and sing for fun and that was an instant relief.

Let’s be honest, what are the chances of becoming a rock star at 40? Not impossible, but it is very small. Plus, that was not the goal. In fact, it was not about making money or being famous. It was all about his soul, and that is how he started therapy that day.

Rirou told his therapist what he was doing and what he wanted to do, and he said “it’s not about the money”; she replied, “is about what then?” Rirou simply said is about how I feel. When she asked, and how you feel? Rirou answered so fast and automatically like it was not even him talking. It is crazy how the subconscious mind works. Rirou simple replied: “Like an asshole”. Right at that moment, Rirou’s matrix collapsed.

Rirou love art but the problem is that the art that he loves dearly is considered offensive for many, and in his subconscious mind he truly believed that he was an asshole and a sinner. After all, that is what he was thought his entire life.

Rirou look to his therapist, and simply said: “This is fucked up. I am fucked” and both laugh. “It is all in his mind” he said “I need to do something if I want my kids to feel worth it.” Rirou stayed quite for a few minutes crying, and he said “My Dad said I could be anything that I want, so I will become the biggest asshole. The biggest asshole by not being an asshole with myself anymore. I need to save me from myself. Is time to fire my guns!”

Rirou’s favorite song to air guitar

To be continued…

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 33 of 40 – Thou shalt eat and train like you give a f*ck

This last punk rule is where Rirou have more authority to talk, since he have been on a diet since at least 13 years old. Diet and exercise. Weight was one of Rirou’s biggest issue, besides Religion if you haven’t figure it out.

Rirou have tried pretty much all diets in the planet, honestly, he done vegetarian, vegan, raw vegan, keto, paleo and carnivore. He also played around with detox and natural supplements. Rirou also tried several different training approaches. He just wanted to find out how he could perform his best without drugs so he tried it all. Add to that, the fact that Rirou had an obsession with being skinny since very early childhood.

At the age of 33 Rirou in theory achieved his perfect body with 6% body fat, but at a huge cost: his health. The crazy part of all, is that was he still didn’t like his body. Even with 6% body he could not run shirtless, or even look at his own eyes in the mirror. Rirou was killing himself in his workouts and eating the “cleanest” and yet he was sick and not happy.

After 10 years training as hard as he could, trying all diets he had achieved the dream body but he was sick. Rirou was having hot flashes, yes a 33 year old man can have hot flashes! His thyroid has fucked up and his was almost pre diabetic.

Rirou started to unlearn what he had learned about health and did what he did best, he challenged the status quo like a good punk he is. He started to realized that:

  • Athletes are not healthy (90%+), and they take a lot of shit to be “healthy”. There are a small % that don’t take.
  • Skinny does not mean healthy.
  • You don’t need to exercise a lot, neither every day to be healthy. Is actually quite the opposite.
  • You don’t need to eat every 3 hours, neither have to have 3 meals a day, and breakfast is not the most important meal of the day.
  • Food and exercise are totally related with how you feel, since both of them are easy ways numb our emotions (at least for Rirou). Rirou was the living prof of that (definitely more on this topic coming).

That was very hard for Rirou because he had realized that he was repeating the same mistake as before but in the other side on the spectrum. He was again addicted (he substituted the cigarette addiction to exercise) and sick. That is when this punk rule started, a simple concept of eating and training like you give a f*ck about yourself. Now, he eats when he is hungry, what he feels like it (real food), skateboards and do yoga when he feels like it. Health is at it’s best, with energy and weight is stable.

This quarantine was being good for Rirou, he was finally understanding how he felt, I guess going to preschool with Luke was helping. Today is Tuesday April 14th, and it was the day before therapy and Rirou did not even have his PTW (male pms). He did not even think he had much to talk in therapy…

Feel Good,

Rirou

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