Chapter 8: To punk to be Tony Robbins

And not so much of an asshole to be a Pope, or a priest. The truth is I am a punk rocker, have always been. Is like my wife told me the other day, is in your soul. That is the first P of P.O.P.E!

Now, one thing I am for sure is one of the kind. I could use all the spiritual labels here such as: indigo child, medium, empath (we will cover that soon), etc. But I prefer using more concrete terms. I think maybe arrogant is the right word. I mean, when I was 260 pounds smoking 2 pack of cigarettes a day I said: I will quit smoking, race ironmans professionally and write a book about it to motivate people. Pretty insane if not arrogant. Let’s say pretty fly for a white guy. Also because of my story and how life presented itself to me, I never really fitted in any type, shape or form.

P is for pothead. Yeah, man I am a pothead, like Snoop Dog style. The reality is I like pot and is one of the key things that helped with my depression. Because the reality is I was only able to write my book with pot. The pain was so big that I needed something for the pain, and Tylenol for doesn’t not work for the soul. Prozac does not make it better, makes you numb. Weed on other hand, amplifies. So, yeah I am pothead.

Empath this one is absolutely true and needs to start really be taken in consideration. This was my sensitivity, now is not sensitive in terms of not being able to handle a joke. Is sensitivity in terms of energy, is like you feel the whole thing around you. Sometimes is so strong and busy that you can’t even concentrate. A blessing and a curse. I believe we all got this, what many consider, super power. Maybe ones stronger then others, don’t know but I think we all got it.

The initial idea of the book was going to talk about diet, but the universe had bigger plans. I became a Dad, not only a Dad, Luke’s father. Luke’s birth to light another side of me that was getting brighter slowly, and Amber sped up the process.

The book was supposed to be coming out today but since writing about this have been easy at wall, I had to delay a few weeks. Now I talk about an innerchild revolution is the way out of depression, and since I like to lead by example: Here it is my innerchild revolution kick off; Rock-it-ology Television.

This first music video is one of the 7 songs of my first album of Punk Rock songs for kids, Star Punks. Everything in my innerchild revolution have a meaning, from the decorations to the songs, books, it’s all connected. The initial part is Luke’s favorite AC/DC song and is me overcoming my fear.

Rock-it-ology INC was founded on Halloween 2020, the year that everything changed for me (finally) and since this blog is all about an innerchild revolution, this is the first lesson (LOL). People will crucify you for anything in life, so Do what you want. I mean, what touches your soul. You cannot go wrong with that. The goal of Rock-it-ology INC is to raise awareness to mental health and nemaline through inclusion. That is why is set up as a Religion (I created my own out of spite), because inclusion is not rocket science, is Punk Wisdom. Inclusion is about reconizing that we are all souls.

Punkaste,

Rirou!

Chapter 6: as wicked

For years I believe I was doom for a life of surfering and pain. For real, was a feeling that I couldn’t enjoy life, and if I did I would be punished. Everything that gave me joy was going to be the end of the world. Like, everything was my fault. Heavy metal thought me that the easy way out, ending life, was not an option. 

Yes, it’s true, the feeling was that I was wicked. Like in my dreams is it was always there,  demons faces saying I couldn’t enjoy life. I didn’t know what those demons were until I picked up the guitar to play at 39 years old. Not only that, it only started to make sense on my 40th birthday! That’s when I realized I was battling my own existence.

At age of 39 is when I told my wife, I wanted to be the one who stays home with the kids and learn music. Not only because I didn’t want to work. I mean I don’t want to work, because the truth I can’t have a boss. I think from all the bosses that I had, there is a very few that I didn’t say fuck off. Me out there is a menace to society. It’s true, cause I have an attitude and I know how to use it, like the guy from office space.  The scene where the guy from office space,  says fuck off and got promoted actually happened in my life a few times. Or that scene with George Costanza, when he does everything the opposite way. Anyways,  I said I want to stay home and say fuck you to the Pope and rock. I also wanted to stay home mostly because Luke is as sensitive, if not more than I am, and now Amber. She is also super sensitive. 

Scaping hell (depression) is about learning about my sensitivity and using, and as I do that I want to teach my kids how to use their strength in life, after all my sensitivity is my strength. This way the story won’t repeat itself. The crazy thing is as a sensitive person I became very angry inside due to not exploring my sensitivity,  and swallowing my feelings. Didn’t look like I was an angry person because like the movie Anger Management he says there are 2 kinds of people: the one who explodes and the one who listened quietly day after day. Well, I am/was the one who listened day after day. Felt like I was grounded for 33 years.

Hell and fire was spawned to be released and that’s when the other day I made the video of saying fuck you to the Pope. As I released all this anger in form of art I noticed that things actually started to workout in my life, and the paranoia is gone. Things are no longer heavy and the energy is flowing. Not only that, by doing this, it creates a positive effect in the people around me, my family. Maybe not the devoted catholics since my story make them uncomfortable, but it’s what they say, life begins at the end of the confort zone.

Now I planned to release my first kids song in portuguese this week, however since we are moving (we got a house, see how choosing love/joy things workout?), I decided to wait and record the video in the new house. I believe this will have a much deeper meaning. Because the reality is, on January 20th,  Saint Sebastian day the Padron of my hometown (Rio de Janeiro,  Brasil) we bought our first home. That day was when the world turned around for me, that day was the day I realized I was not doomed, and I finally found my place under the sun. Yeah, I escaped hell, and it felt like a slapt in the face of destiny. Well, maybe not a slapt, but more like a mooning to destiny. I always loved mooning LOL. 

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 5: More human than human

Today,  01/20/2021 is actually the day of Saint Sebastiao, the patron of Rio de Janeiro, my birth place. At first I wanted to launch my book this day, but since I realized my story is way bigger than I thought, I needed more time to finish the book. Now the idea of this blog is actually to talk about spirituality, so I decided to use the date as my first post of 2021.

The crazy thing of all of this, is that after I decided to talk about my depression,  the opportunities of making my point started to showing up at my door.  I mean, from Leo the Great answer my tweet to reading an article where the Pope says that those who are skeptical about the vaccine are suicidal denial. You can read here.

If I am completely honest,  my set back started with what the Pope said, and here it is why. I am skeptical of this vaccine. I mean, people have all the rights in the world of being skeptical with this vaccine. I am not antivax or a conspiracy guy. I am just human! But to be fair, just in my life time alone I learned about bullshit science with the tabacco industry,  with the nutrition industry,  with supplements industry,  and even with some medicine industry. My kids are vaccined, I believe they work. But this one is different in so many ways, specially because every day there is something new to the virus (unless media lies about). I am not the only skeptical, I did a poll with a few of my followers and 100% said they don’t trust this vaccine either. I just want wait a bit and see more results, until I make my decision.  No, am I not suicidal denial,  I had those thoughts before because of what you antecessor Pope said. I don’t anymore,  but I can’t help the fact that I am a sensitive man. Yeah, I am sensitive like a witch, so God save the queen!

Let’s be totally fair here, we have a big mental health crisis. Now, come out and call people suicidal denial for being skeptical, it’s not super smart in a crisis, is it? I can even say is a bit judgmental.  I mean, have you even heard the other side of the story? I think I can prove why I am skeptical. Am I right? Am I wrong?  No one knows!  Because even one of my son’s doctors said “who knows, maybe in 10 years from now we will say, that was not a good idea.” Or maybe, just maybe a few of us. A very few of us do know about it, and then the game is not monopoly. The real game is hunger games.

Right or wrong I am human,  so I would appreciate less judgment and more respect in my belief.  See, the problem is you! And no I never get offended, I just might think you are an asshole, and you don’t fuck with my feelings. Not again, because my #1 rule in my house (mind, body and soul) is the story does not repeat itself. I broke the cycle!

I am more human than human.

My name is Rirou and I want to conquer the world.

Hey brother Christian with your high and mighty errand
Your actions speak so loud I can’t hear a word you’re saying
Hey sister bleeding heart with all of your compassion
Your labors soothe the hurt but can’t assuage temptation

Hey man of science with your perfect rules of measure
Can you improve this place with the data that you gather?
Hey mother mercy can your loins bear fruit forever?
Is your fecundity a trammel or a treasure?And I want to conquer the world
Give all the idiots a brand new religion
Put an end to poverty, uncleanliness and toil
Promote equality in all of my decisions
With a quick wink of the eye
And a “God you must be joking”

Hey mister diplomat with your worldly aspirations
Did you see your children cry when you left them at the station?
Hey moral soldier you’ve got righteous proclamation
And precious tomes to fuel your pulpy conflagrations

And I want to conquer the world
Give all the idiots a brand new religion
Put an end to poverty, uncleanliness and toil
Promote equality in all of my decisionsI want to conquer the world
Expose the culprits and feed them to the children
I’ll do away with air pollution and then I’ll save the whales
We’ll have peace on earth and global communion

I want to conquer the world
I want to conquer the world
I want to conquer the world
I want to conquer the world

Punkaste,

Rirou!

El Rock Punkarena

I had the inspiration for this song while dancing with Luke as I scream “Eeee Punkcarena!” while we dance. Luke of course laugh his ass off. Also, Luke finds this song very inspirational, and on the Macarena version by Elmo he says and I quote “Maybe one day Elmo will have a song named after him”, so I didn’t think twice, I made a song for our family inspired by Luke. Punkcarena simply means enjoy life, kind of hakuna matata but punk, because the reality is Luke has an incredible joy for life. I made a family song because my family is punk af! For a little bit I thought the song was not going to come out, but Jared made his magic with the drums and here we are. This song I made in Spanish even not being my first language, however Spanish is the Pope first language, so he has no excuse to understand. So here it is Pinche Pendejo vossa Santidade Papa, El Rock Punkcarena!

Here is the book Story of Rock

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 3: Love Rocks!

I am Rirou the Punk, and I declare December 21st 2020, The Official Punkaste Day!

During this 4 years and 6 month since Luke was born, I confirmed what I already knew it: The way out of depression is with joy and purpose. 2020 is the year where I turned 40 and also the year I connected the dots in my life, marking this a rebirth. I picked this day for many reasons, but mainly is that I was in Brazil on the winter solstice the darkest day of the year. Therefore it makes sense to do this on the darkest day of the year the place I made my home. Well, this time is the darkest day of the year but with a huge light in the sky! Coincidence?

Sarcasm apart, I did connect the dots in 2020. After, I went to that full moon drum circle where I heard about the my possible mediumship, I finally started to talk more about that in my therapy sessions. That is when my therapist told me to go talk to her friend, Leslie the Good Witch. This is when things started to get interesting. So, I went to see her and we talk over 1 hour between tarot cards, astral maps and singing bowls. After the session she gave me a copy of The Celestine Prophecy book, and said “I was guided to give this book to you”. Anyways, life got crazy and I didn’t read the book until 2020 happened.

The other day the book pop up in my mind when I was passing by the office. I mean, it caught my attention and that same day I was talking to a childhood friend, and famous psychiatrist in Brazil, about religion and spirituality. That day I explained to him what I felt in my meditations, so it was a deep conversation. 2 days later YouTube suggested me The Celestine prophecy, so I thought “I guess is time to either read or watch the movie.” Well, I pressed play and boy, the movie is exactly the feeling I described to my friend. That feeling is the same one I get with music.

Now to add to it, in one of my talks with Leslie in 2020 she told me, “I am pretty sure you are an indigo child“. Well, I knew that since 2012, so she just confirmed me. Some people claim that indigo children have a collective purpose as well as personal one. Since I have always being attracted to this exoteric world, so it was super easy to go look it up indigo child purpose on the internet. I found a few things, including exercises that helps connect the dots, and that is when I found my joy, purpose and talents. Well, one of my talents is transform kids songs into punk rock songs which leads me to the mission of building an army of punk rockers. Divine intervention?

Genius or Insane I still don’t know, all I know all this stuff really happened and made my life make sense. Also, I was born with an artistic mind. Both of them explains my sensitivity in different ways. All I know is that I have tremendous joy in listening and doing music, that is how my love comes out. I also know that when I do that I can spread that love to my family being a present husband and Dad… and Nothing Else really Matters after that! Well, it actually does matter because Love is contagious and Love rocks, and I believe in Love!

I feel like a villain, like Drew from Minions, that can transform kids songs into punk rock. The difference in cartoons is that nothing works out for the villain, when for me is the opposite, when I embraced that side of mine, I started to heal myself!

Punkaste,

Rirou

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