Tag: religion

Chapter 10: Now what?

Do you know the greatest difficulty of depression? Is to be seen. When I first starting doing therapy I didn’t know how big of a shit I was in. I knew it was big, but no idea it was that big. That is what she said by the way.

Here is the thing, what makes us humans is our emotions and our ability to feel it and express. When I first started therapy I knew something was wrong, and hearing that I was depressed meant nothing, because I was emotionally numb. Therefore, I need to learn how to feel and learn my emotions again. Once I did that I started to understand how big the shit was.

Once I accepted that I was depressed I realized that it was about my existence, my feelings. Just like the song walking contradiction; “I have no belief but I believe I am walking contradiction and I have no right.” That is how it felt, like I had no right to feel how I felt, not even if was causing me harm. Now what makes it harder is when you finally accept and tell people you were depressed most people think is bullshit. They think that because is something invisible and in my case I was a good actor pretending everything was fine. Kind of like on that movie Anger Management with Adam Sandler.

Now the opposite of Anger is Joy and there is nothing more fun than learn and play these songs. I believe that feelings are our super power as humans, because they guide us and life is how you feel. So, now that I got my power back I can say “Don’t fuck with my feelings”. Learning how to sing, play, write (blog and book), write punk songs for kids is such a big metaphor for me, like I am gaining really gaining my super powers back (voice). That feels really good, like I can finally love myself and rise out of the depression that I was in for a long time. Like the Religious heaven boring and all the same and what is worst, in a bad neighborhood since you need to go through the gates of heaven.

Now is time to raise hell because isn’t a bad place, and now that I got my power back nobody messes with my feelings, neither with my kids feelings. Not even God (per Religion), because the truth is people might never understand how music makes me feel, the same way on how marijuana doesn’t numb my feelings it just amplifies, the same way music does. Now, I don’t give a shit of what people think. However, I do care about children that is why is important to teach them not to sell their soul.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Listen up here, I’ll make it quite clear
I’m gonna put some boogie in your ear
Shake and bop, don’t you stop
Dance like a maniac until you drop I don’t mind, I don’t mind
I can run a razor right up your spine
What are you waiting for?
What do you think you were created for? Show us, you care, show us you dare
You don’t know what happened if you weren’t there Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Voodoo medicine, cast my spell
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Play that guitar just like ringin’ a bell Take it or leave it Going for broke, rock ’til you choke
It don’t matter if you drink or smoke
Speak through the beat, get up on your feet
Sweating like a hound dog, white as a sheetDon’t you be scared, don’t you be scared
Everybody terrified, it don’t seem fair
What are you waiting for?
What do you think you were creating for Out of your seat, blind in the heat
Do the nasty boogie mama, stomp your feet Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Go back to zero, take a pill and get well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Be a good soldier and die where you fell Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Go on out and boogie ’cause you never can tell Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
Be a good soldier and die where you fell
Born to raise hell, born to raise hell
We know how to do it and we do it real well

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Chapter 9: An inner child revolution

This probably because is where I complete a full rebirth. I mean, fatherhood for me at least feels like a rebirth, and in my other post “God hate us all I said: “you may say I am the devil, I wouldn’t say no”, now bare with me cause shit is about to go down and I am about to take my insanity to a whole new level.

In numerology my life path is the number 9, and how is that calculated is simple you add every single digit of your birthday. In my case, June 21st 1980 (Yoga day and Summer solstice) so 0+6+2+1+1+9+8+0= 27, then for numerology sake you add 2+7= 9, so path life 9. Now, I am american from birth because of my Dad but I was born in Rio de Janeiro Brazil where June 21st is the winter solstice, the darkest day of the year. And I was born at the peak of darkness, a 15 minutes to midnight. Now my favorite song of the whole world is 666 the number of the beast by iron maiden, I realize in numerology 6+6+6=18, and 1+8=9. Add the fact that I did 18 ironmans in order to face demons, and again 1+8=9. Well, you take your conclusions!

Now, Luke (not from the bible I must enforce this, from Luke Skywalker) means light and Luke was born on the pick of summer in the Sun shine state, and the moon only shine because the light of the sun. Due to my past with Religion and my almost 40 years of existential crisis that caused me a lot of pain I always considered myself a “moonchild” (another Iron Maiden song). One thing I notice is that Luke have a power to turn on love in people, and he did that with me before he was even born when I got the guitar.

As I explained before my promise before I became a Dad was to get my shit together in relationship to my depression. One day during a therapy session I asked the therapist, what depression had to do with the inner child? She said “Everything”. I realized that in order to heal from my depression I need to heal my inner child.

Now, I am the type of guy that like to face my demons, and after a lot of therapy I realized that I was fighting something big. My issue is Religion, and now that Amber (my daughter), the color of the energy,  is coming and she is boosting my mission. So I decided to start writing the story, and just the other day I started writing the book about this whole mess. I am using a ghostwriter and he asked me, what is the goal of the book and I said “to destroy religion, because I can IMAGINE a world without religion”.

“Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today”

Now the way I see it is heavy metal tells you that shit is fucked up, and punk rock is all about change. Healing my inner child is a way to heal my world, and destroying religion is a way to heal the world. That is why this is an inner child revolution, anarchy with a discipline of an ironman. Because that is the only way to be!!!! My goal is to save the children from Religion where they can live free from “Judgments of heaven” (another iron maiden song) and be happy! So, yeah maybe I am the devil after all but I am this kind of devil:

Since, I explained on chapter 8 if God hate us all due to the fact that Religion is exclusive, and punk rock is extremely inclusive therefore, I will use the enemy music and books as my weapons. That is why the first book on my channel for kids is “It’s okay to be different” which for me is first punk rule. May my love for books and music be my guide!

Voice inspired by How I read Pete the Cat to Luke. Now is Rirou the Punk voice.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Anarchy in UK was my to go song at 7 years old, my favorite song to skateboard and rock my air guitar. This song was presented to me as a Megadeath song, and took me a few years to realize that was a punk rock song from Sex Pistols and that was a Megadeath cover. By the time I learned that I was already hook on Punk by the Ramones, and for me that only made even more sense!

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Chapter 8: God hate us all!

I should have said long time ago. I have been holding for 33 years, well maybe more since I was baptize without consent at 3 months old, and that cause me a lot of issues. But it’s 2020 and mars is in retrograde, what better time then now to put it all out? I mean, mars the God of war, what better time than pick a war with Religion? Time is here, the time is now!

Now, let’s go to the by parts. I heard my entire life, that I was going to hell for listening to metal/punk rock. Yes, even in 2020 I heard it. Anyways, I have always loved the sound of a distorted guitar, since a very young age. Something that started when I was around 3 years old when I fell in love with iron maiden. After that my story with Religion and their so called God just started to get really complicated. I got angry because I loved the music, however according to them my LOVE for music was going to gonna make my soul burn for eternity.

On top of that I was having trouble emotionally, the old story of “Boys don’t cry”, and as I kid I cried a lot, until I learned to not show my emotions, around 7 years old. Well that became a perfect mind fuck because I simply stopped expressing them and became numb. For years, I debated my own existence. I have had many suicidal thoughts, I hit myself in the head many times, but the “devils music” was the only thing that kept me going. I can honestly say that my LOVE for music is the reason I am here today writing this blog post. I mean, the shit is deep but so deep that I am finally putting into a book, me and my ghost writer.

Now, how come something that brings joy and love to someone to a point that can save his life, can be evil? At the same time, how can something that is suppose to be about love, unity as what Religion claims as God is, can so exclusive and conditional? Makes no sense to me, at least now that I am 40 years old with a child and a second one coming and 16 years of therapy. But my inner child did not know that. He believed in the grown ups, that were telling him that hell was waiting for me.

I believe in love and unity after all we are all humans and we all have to obey by the law of the universe. Yeah, love is love but I must say I draw the line on pedophilia, that is pure evil. Which by the way is Religion biggest talent. Now, my son likes AC/DC as well and he loves fast and loud songs and to add he has a wheelchair: What that has to do with this? Simple, Religious buildings are not require follow ADA laws, meaning besides not paying taxes they do not need to accessible. That is not love, that is hate and separation.

You may say I am the devil, I wouldn’t say no. However, I am not the enemy, and no I am not the anti-Christ, and if you asked me I would say that he existed, and probably was one of the greatest punk. Some theories says he used cannabis oil to make some of his miracles which makes even more punk. He knew it about love, so did Buddha and many others. However, they are not here to fix this shit.

My inner kid learned to suppress his emotions and after a lot of work to unlearn that, now is time to heal my inner child. My healing is to play and sing all my “Religious” song, create punk rock song for kids, and use the devils lettuce (marijuana) to help my healing. Because I don’t want to be angry anymore, neither pass this to my kids, the cycle needs to break. Like I heard before “Trauma is not my fault, however healing is your responsibility.” That is why I separate both channels, where “Rock-it-ology” is where I teach kids about punk rock and; “Dad is a punk” where my inner child plays my favorite Religious songs but now the air guitar is a real one! Like I said before, if I am going to hell mine as well be first class!

By the way, Religion owes me around 50000 for therapy, but is not about money. It’s about my soul, and protecting my children from child abuse.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter tittle inspired by Slayer album “God hates us all” and here is my favorite song from that album and the lyrics.

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocrisy
I’ll instigate I’ll free your mind
I’ll show you what I’ve known all this time God hates us all, God hates us all
You know it’s true God hates this place
You know it’s true he hates this race Homicide-suicide
Hate heals, you should try it sometime
Strive for peace with acts of war
The beauty of death we all adore
I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answeredGod hates us all, God hates us all
God hates us all, God hates us all
Yeah, he fuckin’ hates me

Pessimist, terrorist targeting the next mark
Global chaos feeding on hysteria
Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game
Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high
Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time
I’m waiting for the day the whole world fucking diesI never said I wanted to be God’s disciple
I’ll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin’ same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can’t ignore what I say
I got my own philosophyI hate everyone equally
You can’t tear that out of me
No segregation separation
Just me in my world of enemies

I never said I wanted to be God’s disciple
I’ll never be the one to blindly follow
I’ll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple

I reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ placeI reject this fuckin’ race
I despise this fuckin’ place

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Chapter 7: The punk in me honors the punk you

The day of this picture was the day my eyes open after Luke was born. I mean, I was blind for awhile due to the light Luke brought to me. That day was also the same day Luke opened his eyes physically also the day he flipped everybody off. I mean he was on planet earth for 19 days and all we did was test after test to figure it out what was going on. That was the day things started to change and I understood as: He is fine, he just needs love like any other child in the world.

From that point on my wife and I said enough testing, let’s just wait for more results to come and start seeing what we need to do take him home, taking him out to see the sun, take him to the beach, take him skateboarding, start living in general. We started to work on getting out of the hospital. In other words, we said let him shine and see what support he needs.

Feeling that Luke was fine helped me keep going within and keep working on my healing, he actually speed up the process. That was my promise to myself, I did not want to pass on my baggage to my kids. Luckily, that was not my first transformation, so I knew what I needed to do. In order to change anything you must first destroy the old and that is what I did, something I call anarchy with a discipline of an ironman. I didn’t think twice, and I decided to fully retire form racing and only coach. That felt really good.

I started to build the new or what I thought was the new, but the universe was sending me another way and little by little I started to lose my clients. Until one day my coaching deal with LA Fitness ended out of nowhere. So, we decided to move to Colorado. I tried a to do the same old story, go back to school but that was not it either. I was still confused, so I found a therapist in Colorado and restarted my therapy sessions.

This time therapy were really intense, since I was getting into the core of the issue of my depression. I mean, up to know I have used physical pain (ironman), and it help however it was not healing. I was just a slave of pain. For me, all we need is Love, so I needed to Love myself and that means embrace and accept my inner punk. I knew what I needed to do was to heal my inner child, I was still angry inside. For me that was only one option: I needed to make that air guitar become real. I needed learn how to play my favorite songs in the guitar, that was my goal when I got the guitar before Luke was born. Yeah, those same songs that I always heard it was taking me to hell.

I started to play and since I always wanted to do some non-profit and something the brings change, I was looking for something that could unite both. With time my mission started to make sense, and again the universe made his move and put me in inside a preschool classroom. I did the first year of preschool with Luke as his nurse cause she quit in the 1st month. There I realized that kids are naturally born punks, they know about love and unity. I mean, seen how Luke rocks and keep asking for fast songs, and seen kids in preschool I am sure kids are born punks! Therefore, we just need to teach them not to sell their soul and embrace their inner punk.

The more I meditate the more insane I become, and I know that I need to fulfill my destiny. I decided to turn my anger into something nice. I realize that if I use the enemy (rock) and start them early I could raise an army of punks. An army of love, and love you know, spreads like fire. Therefore, I could make a real change in world while healing myself. As I learn how to play my favorite “Religious” songs they inspire me to create Punk Rock songs for kids. This way I can change the world one kid at the time…. Some might enjoy, some might not, but remember it’s okay to be different, and love is love.

Punkaste,

Rirou

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Chewbacca Monday

A few years ago Rirou was tired of racing ironman and he felt the need to change and do something more meaningful. Rirou always heard that he had an ability to reinvent himself, even though is not really about reinventing himself, is more like a rebirth.

Rirou created this blog to share his journey with the hopes that might one day motivate someone. The whole idea of the blog is to talk about all aspects of life, specially mental health, music and fatherhood.

This week completes one year that Rirou joined school of rock to start learning a life time dream: Learn how to play the guitar and sing. Not only that, Rirou had an idea of creating punk rock songs for kids.

“It’s a rebirth” Rirou

Yes, is true Rirou transform himself. Well, he likes claim “it’s a rebirth”. On Saturday 6/13/20 the very first Rock-it-ology Punk rock song for kids got ready and Luke approved.

Rirou decided to launched his very first song next Sunday 06/21/20, his 40th birthday and father’s day. Stay tuned for the Rock-it-ology very first single this Sunday.

Speaking of father’s day, have you got your Rocker Dad shirt yet?

Rocker Dad T-shirt

Also, check out the schedule of the blog in case you like the story.

Why chewbacca Monday? Well, it’s kind of motivation Monday, but since I stopped shaving my body I realized I have so much hair that I am like Chewbacca. Sorry is too much information, but its the reality.

Punkaste,

Rirou

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