After Reiki this ritual was the kick off out of my depression and into loving myself.
Versão brasileira Herbert Richers.
Before we got pregnant with Luke, my wife and I talked about my depression and I knew it I had to get my shit together. On that time, I already had a feeling my depression was related to my spirituality. Well, I think most depressions are related to spirituality. I know mine is and many other people as well.
After Luke was born he woke me up. I mean he brought back all my sensitivity. I do believe he has a power to turn on Love on people, I have seen so many times. Anyways, once he was born I started to look for answers, so one day I knew it I had to go to a full moon drum circle there was happenning near my house. There, I met Tecia one of the most spiritual persons I know, also a punk rocker and she was the ritual organizer. Nothing was planned, I just knew I had to go, when I got there for my surprise my friend Rafa was there. Rafa and I have shared many punk rock concerts, a few joints and a few good talks about existence.
After the circle I was talking to Tecia, and she looked to me and said “you are a medium”, and in my mind I was; “whatever!”. After that, life got a little crazier and we moved to Colorado. Once we moved here, I was struggling a bit with work and what to do with my life. I tried to go back to school but that was making it worst. One day talking to my wife, she said “the issue is you think you are over your depression but you are not”. She was right.
A few weeks later Slayer was playing the final tour here in Denver. Since I have always wanted to see Slayer live, I couldn’t miss the opportunity. It was also full moon that day, and during that concert I had one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. The energy was super strong and I was like, how? How is possible? I always heard Slayer was one of the most “evil” bands of all times. How was making me feel that good and giving me that many insights. Well, that night after the concert I finally unpack my guitar. But I also, felt that I needed to repeat what was echoing in my mind. Wait, what? Repeating what was echoing in my mind, meaning voices? Than I said, I need therapy!
I restarted therapy and that is when I started organizing Rock-it-ology listening to those words echoing in my mind. 2020 came along and I started connecting the dots, I finally stopped to listen to my inner voice. Being away from people was a good thing. That is when I realized I was in fact I am medium, a seed planted by a punk rocker back in 2016. A punk medium, but a medium. Well, if I am a medium this is definitely divine intervention. The crazy part is that by telling my story, my truth it does pick a fight with Religion because I was judge by day 1 for being different. The thing is if I don’t say it, of if I don’t write it I get angry, frustrated and a shitty old man and I don’t want to be like that. Especially around my sensitivite kids.
There are 2 things I want to teach my kids: one is to accept themselves, and two is to love themselves for who they are. Well, in oder to do that I need to accept myself, and accepting myself is about accepting my love for music, for the guitar and my sensitivity.
Bottom line is if you want to change, you need to face your fears, and love yourself. Depression is about waking up for love, and love is the absent of judgement. In order to understand that we must stop and listen to our inner voice. How? With meditation! Now, there are many forms of meditation, which one of them is listening music and also skateboarding. The truth is in order to love someone you need to love yourself, cause you can’t pour from an empty cup.
For me the way out of depression it is an inner child revolution. Now how excited I was to watch Slayer live? Like a child! Even my wife was like, what the hell is wrong with you today? Wanna proof?Check out the video I made going to the concert, a video that I never post even though I really wanted to, but I was afraid. Going to that concert really tapped into my innerchild. Do you know what it’s cool of all of this? The idea or facing my fear and learning the guitar came when I was building Luke’s room and listening to Iron Maiden Piece of mind album. In fact, in my first email for Luke during the pregnancy I sent him the link of the album on YouTube.
“Oh, God of Earth and Altar
Bow down and hear our cry
Our earthly rulers falter
Our people drift and die
The walls of gold entomb us
The swords of scorn divide
Take not thy thunder from us
Take away our pride” Just a babe in a black abyss
No reason for a place like this
The walls are cold and souls cry out in pain
An easy way for the blind to go
A clever path for the fools who know
The secret of the Hanged Man, the smile on his lips The light of the blind
The venom tears my spine
The Eyes of the Nile are opening
You’ll see She came to me with a serpent’s kiss
As the Eye of the Sun rose on her lips
Moonlight catches silver tears I cry
So we lay in a black embrace
And the seed is sown in a holy place
And I watched, and I waited for the dawnThe light of the blind
The venom that tears my spine
The Eyes of the Nile are opening
You’ll seeGoBind all of us together
Ablaze with hope and free
No storm or heavy weather
Will rock the boat you’ll see
The time has come to close your eyes
And still the wind and rain
For the one who will be king
Is the watcher in the ringIt is You, oh
It is You
Thursday April 16th, Rirou have finally learned how he felt all those years, and a big part that made you feel like an asshole was Religion. A story that started long ago as early as 3 months old when he got baptize, that water made him laugh. He did not understand, but that was a cool bath.
Years later he was the only in the family who refused to do the first communion for the simple fact that the Pope once prohibited his favorite band to play in Chile. Rirou that day called the Pope an asshole for stopping millions of people to enjoy one of the biggest band of all times. That stick with Rirou for a long time….
When Rirou turned 35 years old he decided to unbaptized himself, and later that year he baptized himself by getting a guitar. After Rirou moved to Colorado Slayer came to play their final tour. Rirou had never seen slayer live, and slayer have saved Rirou so many times. Slayer has always been Rirou’s biggest emotional help, every time Rirou needed to lift up his soul Slayer was there.
On august 2018 Rirou watched Slayer and that night his life changed forever. That was Rirou favorite concert EVER! He was so impress, they were so raw, even more than Iron Maiden. Don’t get me wrong Iron Maiden is God, but Slayer live is fucking insane, even faster than normal.
That night was full moon and the energy was amazing. When Slayer played “Read between the lies”, there is a part in the lyrics that says “There is no heaven without a hell”, at that moment Rirou had a huge deja-vu.
Rirou knew it that was a sign, after all in one interview Tom Arraya (Slayer singer and bass player) once said, “Deja-vu is a sign that you are in the right path”. That day Rirou have made his first YouTube video about Rock. Rirou had find out he was an artist, it was in his face all the time, and his art was making people feel good. That was the essence of his old coaching business, after all the slogan was “Train Smart, Feel Good, Race Faster”.
After the show Rirou got in his mini van (the only one in the parking lot) and while driving home he was thinking how fucking awesome that concert was. That was literally the best concert of his LIFE, and he still did not understand how people could say that was a bad thing (yes even in 2020). And how could one go to hell for simply enjoying art? During the drive back home listening to Slayer Rirou knew it that he needed to do something about it, he needed to heal…
April 16th is the day after tax day, and Rirou had closed his old coaching business forever and only kept his non profit organization, and decided to pursue his destiny by talking about this stuff. Rirou claims he is a “comedian in the closet”, and it was time to come out. In order to share his art Rirou became the Pope of his own Religion… This is either saving him from hell or taking to hell first class. Now in the final days of Rirou’s walk through COVID-420 isolation he was organizing how he would share his wisdom; The ways of the punk!
To be continued…
PS: Thank you Slayer your art truly changed my life!