Chapter 5 – I’ve got another confession to make…

I’m no fool… yeah that is from a Foo Fighters song, title best of you. Foo fighters was the most heard band during Luke’s pregnancy in the house. The truth is Luke came with illuminating the best side of me, however that is a side that I have never really shown. In fact, that is the side that I hid for a long time for numerous reason, and the biggest factor of my depression: my spirituality. However, I am far from being religious, in fact, in that sense I am very very PUNK! And no, is not Luke from the bible, is from Luke Skywalker (Star Wars), but I think I prefer Luke SkyRocker like a friend of mine told me. Anyways, Luke lighten up that side of me like the Tatooine sun.

After Luke was transfer to Joe DiMaggio Children’s hospital at midnight, my wife stayed in the hospital with her Mom and I went home try to sleep. By coincidence my middle brother was in USA for work from Brasil, so he stayed with me. We woke up early the next day and went to Joe DiMaggio, and as I was going in to the hospital I had at least 3 deja-vus. I was still confused, but it really felt that I already knew, and in fact felt like I already knew that place even though I have never been in that hospital before.

Got in the NICU the nurse explained to me all the test and what was the plan. I was able to change Luke’s diaper for the first time, and I told Luke what was going on. I also, started to play with him like he was doing chest press since we knew it he was not moving much. That is when I stopped to look the sticker in the incubator and guess when that incubator was clean? My birthday 2 weeks ago. For me, that was no coincidence, it felt like it was written in the stars.

The social worker asked me if I wanted any spiritual practice for Luke, so I requested Reiki since I always believe in energy, and energy do not lie. For my surprise they had a Reiki master in the hospital. Meantime we were waiting for the Doctor discharge my wife in the other hospital. The hardest part of all that was to explain to my wife everything that was going on and the fact that we gonna arrive home without a Luke for now until we know more. That is extremely fucking hard.

For me, when you decide to become a parent your are actually bringing a soul to the world, and each soul have a personal challenge. Why? is life and life is challenging. Luke was no different, he has his own personal challenge like every other soul in this planet (we are all perfectly imperfect), and in my view, my job as a parent is to empower that soul to achieve their personal challenge. That being said, I told my wife: “The answer for all of this will not be in the realm, and I believe we choose our parents, therefore Luke choose us for a reason, there is no coincidence” and I also show her this video:

That was the begging of the 84 days in the NICU…

Punkaste,

Rirou

Foo Fighters song:

August 31, 2020 0

Chapter 4 – I believe in miracles

A few days before we went to the hospital to be induced, we talked to the doctors since is was showing too much amniotic fluid. The doctor advise inducing since it could create dangerous for mom and baby, so we all agreed in the day after July 4th to induce. That night, I went to Doctor Google and read about extra amniotic fluid and first thing I saw was stillbirth. I simply refused to believe that could happened, because it was not what my heart was saying, and I always trust my feelings and now I was starting to learn how to listen to them. So, I said fuck you Google and went to sleep.

We went to the hospital with Dark Vader mask, and a playlist of Luke’s favorite tunes (based on reaction his in the belly, on that time his favorite was Kids aren’t alright by Offspring). Funny thing is when I marked on Facebook that we were in the hospital I marked the NICU without realizing, anyways she got induce at 7 am July 5th. On that time we didn’t know what was going on, expect the extra fluid.

By midnight contractions started to get stronger and by 4 am we had a scary moment when Luke’s heart rate drop to 40’s. I was so scared and nervous that our Douala told me to go for a walk. I remember I went to have a coffee and I sat at the hospital zen garden, looked to the moon, that was waxing crescent, and I literally said “what the fuck?” and I started to meditate. After a few minutes I went back to the room.

Things just started to get very intense at 7 am with another heart rate drop, and by 9 am another drop in the heart rate. From that point on the room was full with 3 doctors and 7 nurses. By 11 o clock am Luke was born, and his Apgar number was 2. He was basically brought back to life in my wife’s belly the Douala told me “he needs a familiar voice”. So, I told him “Luke, I am your father”, just kidding, I said “Dad is here”, he grabbed my finger and that was PUNKASTE at first sight. I honestly felt like he was giving me knuckles and saying “boom, I got this!” I kid you not, I felt whole, literally like “The punk in me honors the punk in you”.

In 9 minutes Luke was intubated and we went to the NICU. I felt whole and secure but scared. It was confusing how I felt with what was going on, but I knew one thing for sure…

Yes, I believe in miracles cause is many ways I am one…and I also believe in a better world…

Punkaste,

Rirou

Song lyrics:

I used to be on an endless run.
Believe in miracles ’cause I’m one.
I have been blessed with the power to survive.
After all these years I’m still alive.I’m out here kickin’ with the band.
I am no longer a solitary man.
Every day my time runs out.
Lived like a fool, that’s what I was about, ohI believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.
Oh, I believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you.Tattooed your name on my arm.
I always said my girl’s a good luck charm.
If she can find a reason to forgive,
Then I can find a reason to live.I used to be on an endless run.
Believe in miracles ’cause I’m one.I have been blessed with the power to survive.
After all these years I’m still alive.I believe in miracles.
I believe in a…

August 29, 2020 0

Day 26 of 40 – Who made who?

Who made who? That is the question that nobody can answer, and on the day 26 of Rirou’s COVID-19 isolation, he was contemplating about that question. After all the collective matrix was going to an existential crisis due to the corona virus, well that is what seems like it. Maybe was just Rirou, but anyways if everything happens for a reason it must be have a reason why a Punk was born.

Rirou didn’t know who made who, well nobody really knows, but he knew one thing: how he felt, and rock was the number #1 that made him feel good. However, hidden forces were trying to say that was wrong.

When Rirou was about 12 years old, the Pope prohibit Iron Maiden to play in Chile and Rirou got mad and called the pope an asshole and got in trouble. Later on when Rirou was about 15 he went his Religious teacher (he studied in a Catholic School) and asked him why he felt more connect when he was surfing or skateboarding and not when I was at Church (we were obligated to attend mass in school). His answers was: “I think you are smoking too much weed!” Rirou was shocked! First because he haven’t even tried marijuana on that time, and second he was just looking for comfort for the emotional issues that I was dealing with. Not satisfied the asshole, I mean the “priest” added: “You are most likely going to hell with your music taste!”. Yeah, he said that for a 15 year old kid. After that day the power of irreverence just grew on Rirou.

Rirou always loved to contemplate about life he was contemplating a lot during this period, and he likes to contemplate during his walks with Bolt. Rirou takes the dog out for a walk daily around 4:20, and walks around listening to the birds and looking up to the sky. During that day Rirou realized that rock-it-ology needed some commandments.

Yes, it was 4:20 and no Rirou was not burning the bush during his walk. Yeah, Colorado is legal but people just don’t walk around smoking weed on the streets, and no Rirou did not find a talking bush. However, those walks in the afternoon align with the silence in the streets Rirou was having great insights. That day Rirou stopped and looked at the sky and had an insight. He finally figure it out the commandments.

Rirou is fascinated with numbers, after all he was sure that we lived in a matrix. Now everything made sense since he had found the 3 spiritual laws, and now he figured it out the 7 commandments. The funny thing is that in numerology the number 3 means: Energy of kindness, creativity and joy; and the number 7 remind us that the answers to all questions is in our DNA.

Rirou’s mind just blew it, so he rushed home and wrote in down before the 7 commandments before he forgets, and here they are:

Thou shalt not be an asshole
Always look at the bright side of life
Inclusion is not rocket science
Thou shalt face your demons
Thou shalt not judge
Unfashion thyself
Thou shalt eat and train like you give a f*ck

To be continued….

May 12, 2020 0

Day 25 of 40 – Something to believe in

Monday April 6th Rirou woke up with and again not another case of the Mondays. This COVID-19 isolation was great for Rirou, he took the time to go within and now things were more clear than ever.

Rirou always believed we all got something to learn and something to teach, and that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don’t know why and we have to find out or sometimes we know exactly why. That goes for all of us, no exception, is just part of life. The key is to learn in every situation, at least that was Rirou’s goal after every Ironman. Funny because an Ironman race is 90% mental and 10% physical, different than training. Training is 90% physical and 10% mental. For Rirou every Ironman was a mental battle with big life lessons.

During those Ironmans Rirou decoded 3 spiritual laws that helped him escape his matrix:

1st, Accept it: That is probably the most important one. Like an Ironman, life is challenging and once you sign up you know it will be hard. Same with life, once you are born you know it will have challenges, and it’s not that is good or bad, it is what it is.
2nd, Face it: The truth is the shit is big and you can’t run away. You have to face it, cause if you don’t the demons will only get bigger and bigger. So, we must face our demons. Rirou always said, when in hell become friends with the Devil.
3rd, Rock it: This is the most simple rule, but the most difficult: Listen to your heart and stay true to yourself. Yes, that is all it takes to Rock in life and that is what Rock means to Rirou.

Rirou received this album when he was 18 years old from his Band mate. Another mind blown moment for Rirou when was going through his crisis in 2015, and this album pop up in pandora radio during one of his long runs.

Rirou took the lessons learned during his Ironman period and now he was using in many different levels to escape his own matrix. Those 3 spiritual laws are the base of Rock-it-ology.

Feel Good,

Rirou

May 11, 2020 1