Chapter 2 – 1000 days

At the end of 2010 I finally quite my job at the running store and started to live the triathlon life full time. I was coaching and racing professionally full time, so I can say I made but by 2012, I started to see professional sports with different eyes.

May 28th 2013 I finally won my first triathlon race. After I won that race things started to get kind of blurry again, because the truth is I won the race but how I felt inside did not change. I really thought I would feel different, but I didn’t. Crazy because I had that goal since 2004. After I won the race I kept looking for the stars looking for answers, because that was not it! The empty feeling was still there.

Triathlon was not making it, in fact it was making it worst. I mean, I was physically getting tired and sick, and I started to find out about all the drugs in the sport (I was a basket case). Not only that, but also how almost nobody played fair even during the race. Long story, but that just made me angrier. After that race, I bought a book that changed my life forever: The secret race by Tyler Hamilton, a book that tells in details the drugs in the Tour de France when he raced with Lance Armstrong. On that book Tyler talk about 1000 days, something like that he said: “takes about 1000 days in the sport to realize either you take drugs or you will never go far in your career”. Little by little I was realizing that was not for me, and the count down of my 1000 days started.

On December 23rd, Festivus Day I went to a friends house to borrow his bike, because I was changing sponsors and my bike was not ready yet. That day when I saw him with his kids I had a intuition, it was almost like time stopped and I heard: Fatherhood is what you been looking all for all this time.

2014 came along and I did 2 ironmans that year, and after the last ironman of the season in Arizona, I decided to smoked a joint the day after the race. I haven’t smoked in so many years so I went to Ruby Tuesdays and 2 burgers and 2 deserts later I stop to think. I look up the sky and thought: “What the fuck I am I doing?” I was so confused, I had a huge triathlon team, I was racing pro, technically a dream come true, with 6% body fat, another dream come true but I was not happy, or healthy. Weed always opens my mind, and like I always say “it does not numb my emotions, it just amplifies”. However, I was addicted to the stress, and my I guess my ego spoke louder so I signed up for another race in January.

January 2015 I did probably my best race ever, even with a 45 minute flat tire I got 2nd place in the local ironman. My best race ever, but after the race that feeling was back again and this time even stronger this time. It felt like I was being choked. Well, the inevitable happened: CRISIS! This time the worst crisis of my life. I was fucking up in so many levels and in all areas of my life. I remember getting in therapy with a headache for hitting myself in the head, and I told the therapist I finally did something right I am in pain. The answer of course was “that’s not good”.

Anyways, that crisis made me release a lot of shit. I took on writing and made me feel really good. I took sometime off from training, racing and increased my meditations. In one of those meditations I realized I was ready to be a Dad, and at first try we got pregnant. Luke was so ready to come. However, I decided to do another ironman in Cozumel and boy that was not a good idea. I lost my bottle, dehydrated and the race was a disaster. So, I did not finish the race and took the rest of the time as a vacation.

When I came back home I thought, that can’t be the last race, so I signed up for a local 140.6 (Ironman Distance in miles) in Naples Florida, same as January 2015. I did the race, won and came back home the same day, cause that is where my soul wanted to be. I didn’t even stay for the podium next day cause I was really done. The funny thing is back in 2004 I had a dream that I won an ironman with the time of 9 hours and 50, and guess my time on that race? 9 hours and 55 minutes close enough.

February 22nd I complete 1000 days and that day I went for a run, after the 1st mile I stopped because everything was hurting, specially my neck. I looked up the sky and thought, “I think I am done with this shit”. But what about the my business? That was a good question that I had no fucking clue! All I knew is that my soul was screaming for a change, I could not keep that going physically, mentally and emotionally.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Chapter 1- Moonchild

It was 15 min to midnight during the winter solstice in the south hemisphere of the planet earth, the moon was waxing gibbous when Rirou, the punk, was born. Rirou is considered a sensitive soul, or what many call nowadays an empath personality. Rirou has always been fascinated by the moon, since little he always looked up to the for answers. Somehow he feels he is related to the moon, but mostly the dark side of the moon, that is why he considered himself a moonchild.

Rirou had a passion for heavy metal music, he loved Iron Maiden and guitars, specially air guitars. He also loved skateboarding, and according to family history he was on top of the skateboard at around 2 years old. Around 7 years old he got an vinyl as present, but it was a kids music vinyl, so he exchanged to an ACDC vinyl, the fly on the wall. He loved the fact bee ass on the back of the vinyl.

Rirou has always being a punk, and around 12 years old he called the Pope an asshole for not allowing Iron Maiden to play in Chile. Rirou started to get angry, because he did not understand how a man could determinate who could or not enjoy something. That made him sad, and made him cry many times.

Also as a sensitive soul Rirou did not really understood many things that he felt, since that some of those feelings were not necessarily his. According to studies empath can feel the energy and emotions around them, and with Rirou was not different. And that made him cry even more. How much he cried? A lot, in fact, he cried so much that everyone sang this song to him:

Rirou, like many other kids, was thought that boys didn’t cry, and that he needed to swallow his feelings. He needed to be a man, a “real man.” Well, he did exactly that, he started to swallow his feelings, and he started to numb them with food. Instead of crying, talking or even accessing his feelings he started to eat, and that started a whole new set of issues.

Rirou started to feel really bad about himself, because the music he loved dearly was considered the devil music, and skateboarding was considered a crime, even though those things made him feel good. They made him feel alive, but everything else around him said the opposite. So he started to think that everything was wrong with him, and that he was not allowed to feel good.

Rirou started to eat compulsively, and within a few years he was having weight issues so, besides “being a sensitive kid”, he was now the “chubby sensitive child”. By 13 years old Rirou was completely numb and started shaving his head totally opposite of what he wanted (he wanted long hair like the maiden guys). Confused Rirou started to started dieting after he read the book “So e gordo quem quer”, which the translation is “You are only fat because you want”. He also started to exercise insanity, sometimes 3 times a day and he started to become obsessed with his body imagine, and that is when he joined a basketball team…

To be continued.

Punkaste,

Rirou

The holy book

After Rirou’s walk through the COVID-420, a 40 day introspection Rirou finally finish writing the Rock-it-ology holy book. The way this new faith works is simple, everything from the heart is free. Rirou only charges the things he paid to learn, quite simple. Therefore, the holy book (e-book) is free, except the diet (last part).

ROCK-IT-OLGY schedule:

Monday: A case of the Monday’s interview.

Tuesday: Star Punks Blog post.

Wednesday: English YouTube video from comedy to music.

Thursday off

Friday: Star Punks Blog post.

Saturday: Off

Sunday: Portuguese YouTube video.

Today is Wednesday so check out today’s video!

Punkaste,

Rirou

Day 39 of 40 – The art of Looking good naked

Looking good is matter of being comfortable in your own skin. Rirou have had a hard time with that for a long time. For a long time he could not even look at his own eyes in the mirror. It did not matter how many affirmations he did, how many diets, or how much exercise he did. He did not look good naked. When Luke was born everything changed, Rirou needed to accept himself and feel good about himself if he wanted his kids to feel that way.

Rirou notice the more he played the guitar and did his art the better he felt, and the better he looked good naked. Meaning he could actually look at himself in the mirror. Not only that, he could look in the mirror and say I love you out loud. Even looking like Chewbacca, that is how he describes himself after he stop shaving his body, after all, he was no longer a triathlete, therefore no need to shave. Sorry that is too much information but it’s part of the process.

Since life is a mirror game, he notice the better he felt the better Luke felt. For Rirou it was clear, everything is connected, and starts with you and how you feel. That is when the Rocker Dad project came along…. The punk side you probably already notice, the attitude, and tomorrow the rocker Dad will rise.

Feel Good,

Rirou

Day 36 of 40 – Roots Bloody Roots

Friday April 17th Rirou’s walk through the COVID-420 quarantine is coming to his final day, but who is Rirou after all?

In his daily meditation he often ask “who am I?, am I Rirou or Rirou is me?” During his meditations he found out that Rirou is a disturbed modern cavemen, he learned how to suppress his emotions in Portuguese, but learned how to express them in English. The result of that is a glitch in his matrix, making Rirou even more disturbed.

Rirou wanted to punk the world with a really disturbed idea. Rirou learned that in order to make any change he needed get to the root of the issue. In therapy is well known that in order for healing to happen, we must heal our inner child, and that is what is all about, but why?

Well, the meaning of life is to look good naked which simply means being conformable in your own skin. Rirou realized in order to teach his kids to look good naked he needed to look good naked himself. Is like the song from Rirou favorite Offspring album, “Way down the line”, in that song the lyrics says “Nothing changes cause its all the same… there is a chain there is never broken…”. Rirou wanted to break that chain, because he knows it that you can’t pour from an empty cup and in order to empower his kids to look good naked he needed to do that same.

Rirou decided to fight the evil forces that made him feel like an asshole. Yes, he became the pope of his own Religion and created “The not so fashion show” to spread his wisdom worldwide. Rirou is either a genius or totally insane, but he knows one thing for sure, he is extremely disturbed….Rirou is simply Richard higher self, no pun intended…

To be continued!

Feel Good,

Rirou

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