Tag: stay home dad

Chapter 6: as wicked

For years I believe I was doom for a life of surfering and pain. For real, was a feeling that I couldn’t enjoy life, and if I did I would be punished. Everything that gave me joy was going to be the end of the world. Like, everything was my fault. Heavy metal thought me that the easy way out, ending life, was not an option. 

Yes, it’s true, the feeling was that I was wicked. Like in my dreams is it was always there,  demons faces saying I couldn’t enjoy life. I didn’t know what those demons were until I picked up the guitar to play at 39 years old. Not only that, it only started to make sense on my 40th birthday! That’s when I realized I was battling my own existence.

At age of 39 is when I told my wife, I wanted to be the one who stays home with the kids and learn music. Not only because I didn’t want to work. I mean I don’t want to work, because the truth I can’t have a boss. I think from all the bosses that I had, there is a very few that I didn’t say fuck off. Me out there is a menace to society. It’s true, cause I have an attitude and I know how to use it, like the guy from office space.  The scene where the guy from office space,  says fuck off and got promoted actually happened in my life a few times. Or that scene with George Costanza, when he does everything the opposite way. Anyways,  I said I want to stay home and say fuck you to the Pope and rock. I also wanted to stay home mostly because Luke is as sensitive, if not more than I am, and now Amber. She is also super sensitive. 

Scaping hell (depression) is about learning about my sensitivity and using, and as I do that I want to teach my kids how to use their strength in life, after all my sensitivity is my strength. This way the story won’t repeat itself. The crazy thing is as a sensitive person I became very angry inside due to not exploring my sensitivity,  and swallowing my feelings. Didn’t look like I was an angry person because like the movie Anger Management he says there are 2 kinds of people: the one who explodes and the one who listened quietly day after day. Well, I am/was the one who listened day after day. Felt like I was grounded for 33 years.

Hell and fire was spawned to be released and that’s when the other day I made the video of saying fuck you to the Pope. As I released all this anger in form of art I noticed that things actually started to workout in my life, and the paranoia is gone. Things are no longer heavy and the energy is flowing. Not only that, by doing this, it creates a positive effect in the people around me, my family. Maybe not the devoted catholics since my story make them uncomfortable, but it’s what they say, life begins at the end of the confort zone.

Now I planned to release my first kids song in portuguese this week, however since we are moving (we got a house, see how choosing love/joy things workout?), I decided to wait and record the video in the new house. I believe this will have a much deeper meaning. Because the reality is, on January 20th,  Saint Sebastian day the Padron of my hometown (Rio de Janeiro,  Brasil) we bought our first home. That day was when the world turned around for me, that day was the day I realized I was not doomed, and I finally found my place under the sun. Yeah, I escaped hell, and it felt like a slapt in the face of destiny. Well, maybe not a slapt, but more like a mooning to destiny. I always loved mooning LOL. 

Punkaste,

Rirou

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Chapter 3 – The punk awakens

February 22nd of 2016 I completed 1000 days and I was officially injured for the first time in 13 years. That day was a Monday and after I tried to run I went to therapy. My therapist asked me, what you really want? I responded “I want to change the world”. She looked to me and said “you can start with kids, that is the best way to change the world but guess what? Our time was over for today”. That got stuck in my head. Anyways, I got in the car and went to the doctor to check my neck with that sentence in my head. I wanted to change, and I needed to change. My soul was screaming!

Some people say that the soul of the baby incarnated around the 12 to 16 weeks of the pregnancy, and that was happening right about that time. Everything was changing, my relationship with professional sports(in general), my business and with myself. Fatherhood really makes you think what you gonna teach your, and that is when things started to get interesting, because Luke was awakening the punk inside of me.

Since I was not training much I started to paddle-boarding since it was good for my neck, and also spending time in the ocean was helping connect with my soul again. The moment you get pregnant you step in to a huge matrix and you start hearing all kinds of things. My favorites were things like “Luke is gonna be a great athlete”, “you have to baptize him” or “you not gonna teach him the devils music”. My response was always one and very punk: “He is gonna be whatever the fuck he wants and needs to be”. Based on that you can have the idea of what my response will be for the other questions. For me we are all unique therefore Luke will be LUKE.

I kept doing my therapies, paddle-boarding coaching and things were changing fast. My projects with triathlon were not going forward at all. I tried to more with fitness stuff besides just triathlon and it was not working either. It was like the universe was telling me “yo, that is not the way to go bro”.

During this time I created an email for Luke to write about the preparation for his birth. I believe that connection between Dad and kids starts in the belly just like the moms, however in a different way. I talked to him a lot and lot of talking energetically with the emails.

Anyways, the connection was only growing and I was more and more awake. A few weeks before Luke was born my wife gave me a guitar for my birthday, and 4 weeks later we were heading to the hospital to receive Luke. Dark Vader mask was ready, and also a playlist for the birth.

Punkaste,

Rirou

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Chapter 1 – So os loucos sabem/ “Only madmen know”

Today is father’s day in Brazil and since I am an amerioca, a mix of american with carioca, I decided to launch my fatherhood blog. Carioca is someone that is from Rio de Janeiro, which is my home town, and that explains the statue with my face on it. That being said, let’s go by part.

I wrote a few things in this blog before, but once I read back again I notice it was quite confusing, just like the way I was. I am not going to lie, the last few years were hard and confusing but once I turned 40 things started to make more sense to me. However, this confusion started way back in 2004 when my soul searching started.

So who is Rirou? Well, Rirou is simply Richard Wygand soul. I can say that in 2016 when Luke was born I found my soul, but once I found I did not know what to do. Those 4 years were intense, with lots of changes and raw primal emotions while I was escaping my own matrix, and started to feel good in my own skin. Now that we know that I no longer need to speak in the 3rd person, because Rirou is me.

So why I considered myself a punk? Well, like I said before punk is about attitude. The reality is I was always different, meaning I was always the sensitive boy, the radical, the weirdo or the crazy one. The truth is, I just had different view of life, I did not wanted to go to college, I did not want to be rich or famous. I just wanted to be happy. When I turned 19 I started to try to fit in, get in college and have a “normal” life. However, a few years later this process was crushing my soul to a point that I didn’t even know who I was still alive. In fact, I was totally numb inside. In 2004 the situation was unsustainable that I started therapy and decided to pursue what made my soul happy. I started to do Ironman because the physical pain was helping my emotional pain, and that felt really good. This attitude for me is being a punk, it simply means do what makes your soul feel good. This is exactly what I want to teach my kids, is to be who they are and share their light what makes their soul feel good, and only the crazy ones know that. That is why is this post have this tittle, which is a song from one of my favorite bands in Brazil.

This past Thursday, I was asked to give a mini testimonial on what it means to be a Dad for a show in Brazil, which made me realized this would be the perfect kick off for my blog. Also, since I have another kid coming, a girl this time, and is bringing a lot of memories I decided to the recap my fatherhood story with my clear mind. I actually separate the things a little bit, I made an YouTube channel for the kids Punk Rock songs that I am creating. And another channel where I do cover of my favorite songs with video clips of me relearning how to skateboard at the age of 40, and the crazy things I do with my kids.

Here is the video of my testimonial and what I think it means to be a Dad. The video is in Portuguese but I did my best to put subtitles.

Punkaste,

Rirou

Song: So of loucos sabem:

Lyrics translated:

Now I know exactly what to do
Good start, be able to count on you
Cause I remember everything brother
I was there too
A man when at peace
Don't want war with anyone
I held my tears
Because I didn't want to show the emotion
Since I was just there to watch
And learn a little more about perception
They say it's impossible to find love
Without losing reason
But for those who have strong thoughts
The impossible is only a matter of opinion
And that crazy people know
Only madmen know
That the crazy know
Only madmen know
All positivity I wish you
Because we need it in the days of struggle
The fear follow our dreams
The fear follow our dreams
Beautiful girl, I want to live on your street
You missed
You missed
I want to see you again
I want to see you again
You missed
Now I know exactly what to do
I'll start over, be able to count on you
Cause I remember everything brother
I was there too
A man when at peace
Don't want war with anyone

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Rocker Dad concept

Here is today’s video of how the whole Rocker Dad concept started after a big breakthrough in Rirou’s therapy session.

Remember to check it out Rirou’s very first Punk Rock song for kids!

Punkaste,

Rirou

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