Is not just because is a conspiracy, that we don’t have goals. I say we, because this conspiracy involves so much. I wasted 33 years of feeling shame, guilt, judgment and fear. It took me 3 innerchild revolutions to figure this out.
Now, I have so much creativity that I need to organize the band. Almost like Ironman training. In fact, now I have a schedule. Because if not the energy gets stuck. However, the more I do the more empowered I feel. So, here it is my conspiracy goals, after all, I am an ironman and I am my own super hero.
During my life I went through 3 majors transformations. First was the mind, second was the body and third was the soul. By far my favorite one is the soul, because is where my life really started to make sense. This phase started when we got pregnant with Luke, and got really intense after he was born. That is when I started to go deep into my soul.
When Luke was born we spent 84 days in the NICU, and during that time we went to many life changing experiences. The truth there is something magical about been between life and death, something really raw, which I believe is the ultimate human experience. During that time in the NICU I started to realize that everything I ever believed was truth and as a very sensitive person I was able to feel this to the max. For me, that is a true blessing. The funny part is that spirituality has always been my favorite topic to talk about it, but I never talked about it. Why? Because I never felt I had the right to talk, simply because most people already judged me from the get go. I was either considered evil for my music style, or a pothead, or a punk that was radical and against everything, in other words a rebel. I literally felt I had no right to talk about this stuff, which was pass to me since a very young age not to question things.
The first second Luke was born he woke up my soul and my empath “superpowers”. As an empath we literally can feel peoples energy, we know when they are lying, or genuine, or coming from a place of love. Hard to explain, but is true, is like the force in star wars. Luke made me start realizing that everything was connected.
After we left the NICU I did not think twice, I went to do my so dreamed Reiki course and became a Reiki master. Reiki is all about energy, just like your soul. I mean, we are made of energy. I went in search of more since I wanted to put my soul back together. The soul for me is like a mathematical equation, that you go solving throughout your life. After I became a reiki master I started put my soul back together, and that is when I was able to solve many parts of the equation. Which brought me to a conclusion that I was not alone. I have been guided my entire and also blessed in so many levels. Luke is the proof. But why me? Such an unholy man. I mean, that is what I always heard that from all the “holy” people. For years felt like I was cursed. Like I was a magnet for those cruel judgment. Again, as an empath you feel that so intensely.
After a lot of meditation combined with marijuana, which is what I use for spiritual reasons. For me marijuana ampliphies my emotions, and not numb them like many people think. For me, that was super numb, marijuana helps more than we can imagine because it help me see life beyond the trauma. During those meditations I see and feel many things and that is when I realized why not me? Who better then me to tell a real punk story, with a happy ending. That is when I confirmed that was not a curse, it is a blessing.
Again, another blessing. Why? Being able to tell a true story like that is simply everything I ever wanted and challenge the status quo once for all. Now in this blog I won’t ever use the word God for me this word is being misused to cause more abuse in my eyes. Instead, I talk about the punk force because I do believe we have a soul mission. Meaning we all have a personal misson in this life, and some of us have also a collective misson. But my point is, I believe that the real “God” is an energy and is inside of us. Is that sparkle of light, that intuition, that inner voice. When that is combined with love can achieve great things. The issue is, most people look for the outside for answers, because going within is hard as fuck. Stepping in a church, following a book and praying for forgiveness is a lot easier than going within feeling the pain and facing your demons.
Therefore, I stopped being a figugitive but I felt the need to clear my name since I am 40 years old and people keep judging me the same way for 40 years. Even people that knew me since I was a kid, so mine as well use all the labels possible in my favor. Therefore I decided to be the first ever Movitional Pothead to motivate people to look withih for their own answers and find their mission in this life. I hope I don’t end up in a cross!
Ain’t no fucking hero in this life, be your own!
Hallowed by thy name is the second iron maiden song I strated to learn. The number of the beast is the first one I learned, is not up to speed yet, but getting there.
I’m waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime Reflecting on my past life and it doesn’t have much time ‘Cause at 5 o’clock, they take me to the Gallows Pole The sands of time for me are running low, yeah! When the priest comes to read me the last rites I take a look through the bars at the last sights Of a world that has gone very wrong for me Can it be that there’s some sort of error Hard to stop the surmounting terror Is it really the end, not some crazy dream? Somebody please tell me that I’m dreaming It’s not easy to stop from screaming The words escape me when I try to speak Tears flow, but why am I crying After all I’m not afraid of dying Don’t I believe that there never is an end As the guards march me out to the courtyard Somebody cries from a cell “God be with you” If there’s a God then why has he let me go? As I walk all my life drifts before me And though the end is near I’m not sorry Catch my soul, it’s willing to fly away Mark my words, believe my soul lives on Don’t worry now that I have gone I’ve gone beyond to seek the truth When you know that your time is close at hand Maybe then you’ll begin to understand Life down here is just a strange illusion Yeah, hallowed be thy name Yeah, hallowed by thy name Yeah